Salad Days
This book is not going to be wholly, or even mainly, made up of extracts from Emilyās diary; but, by way of linking up matters unimportant enough for a chapter in themselves, and yet necessary for a proper understanding of her personality and environment, I am going to include some more of them. Besides, when one has material ready to hand, why not use it? Emilyās ādiary,ā with all its youthful crudities and italics, really gives a better interpretation of her and of her imaginative and introspective mind, in that, her fourteenth spring, than any biographer, however sympathetic, could do. So let us take another peep into the yellowed pages of that old āJimmy-book,ā written long ago in the ālook-outā of New Moon.
********
āFebruary 15, 19ā
āI have decided that I will write down, in this journal, every day, all my good deeds and all my bad ones. I got the idea out of a book, and it appeals to me. I mean to be as honest about it as I can. It will be easy, of course, to write down the good deeds, but not so easy to record the bad ones.
āI did only one bad thing to-dayāonly one thing I think bad, that is. I was impertinent to Aunt Elizabeth. She thought I took too long washing the dishes. I didnāt suppose there was any hurry and I was composing a story called The Secret of the Mill. Aunt Elizabeth looked at me and then at the clock, and said in her most disagreeable way,
āāIs the snail your sister, Emily?ā
āāNo! Snails are no relation to me,ā I said haughtily.
āIt was not what I said, but the way I said it that was impertinent. And I meant it to be. I was very angryāsarcastic speeches always aggravate me. Afterwards I was very sorry that I had been in a temperābut I was sorry because it was foolish and undignified, not because it was wicked. So I suppose that was not true repentance.
āAs for my good deeds, I did two to-day. I saved two little lives. Saucy Sal had caught a poor snowbird and I took it from her. It flew off quite briskly, and I am sure it felt wonderfully happy. Later on I went down to the cellar cupboard and found a mouse caught in a trap by its foot. The poor thing lay there, almost exhausted from struggling, with such a look in its black eyes. I couldnāt endure it so I set it free, and it managed to get away quite smartly in spite of its foot. I do not feel sure about this deed. I know it was a good one from the mouseās point of view, but what about Aunt Elizabethās?
āThis evening Aunt Laura and Aunt Elizabeth read and burned a boxful of old letters. They read them aloud and commented on them, while I sat in a corner and knitted my stockings. The letters were very interesting and I learned a great deal about the Murrays I had never known before. I feel that it is quite wonderful to belong to a family like this. No wonder the Blair Water folks call us āthe Chosen Peopleāāthough they donāt mean it as a compliment. I feel that I must live up to the traditions of my family.
āI had a long letter from Dean Priest to-day. He is spending the winter in Algiers. He says he is coming home in April and is going to take rooms with his sister, Mrs. Fred Evans, for the summer. I am so glad. It will be splendid to have him in Blair Water all summer. Nobody ever talks to me as Dean does. He is the nicest and most interesting old person I know. Aunt Elizabeth says he is selfish, as all the Priests are. But then she does not like the Priests. And she always calls him Jarback, which somehow sets my teeth on edge. One of Deanās shoulders is a little higher than the other, but that is not his fault. I told Aunt Elizabeth once that I wished she would not call my friend that, but she only said,
āāI did not nickname your friend, Emily. His own clan have always called him Jarback. The Priests are not noted for delicacy!ā
āTeddy had a letter from Dean, too, and a bookāThe Lives of Great ArtistsāMichael Angelo, Raphael, Velasquez, Rembrandt, Titian. He says he dare not let his mother see him reading itāshe would burn it. I am sure if Teddy could only have his chance he would be as great an artist as any of them.
********
āFebruary 18, 19ā
āI had a lovely time with myself this evening, after school, walking on the brook road in Lofty Johnās bush. The sun was low and creamy and the snow so white and the shadows so slender and blue. I think there is nothing so beautiful as tree shadows. And when I came out into the garden my own shadow looked so funnyāso long that it stretched right across the garden. I immediately made a poem of which two lines were,
āIf we were as tall as our shadows
How tall our shadows would be.
āI think there is a good deal of philosophy in that.
āTo-night I wrote a story and Aunt Elizabeth knew what I was doing and was very much annoyed. She scolded me for wasting time. But it wasnāt wasted time. I grew in itāI know I did. And there was something about some of the sentences I liked. āI am afraid of the grey woodāāthat pleased me very much. Andāāwhite and stately she walked the dark wood like a moonbeam.ā I think that is rather fine. Yet Mr. Carpenter tells me that whenever I think a thing especially fine I am to cut it out. But oh, I canāt cut that outānot yet, at least. The strange part is that about three months after Mr. Carpenter tells me to cut a thing out I come round to his point of view and feel ashamed of it. Mr. Carpenter was quite merciless over my essay to-day. Nothing about it suited him.
āāThree alasās in one paragraph, Emily. One would have been too many in this year of grace!ā āMore irresistibleāEmily, for heavenās sake, write English! That is unpardonable.ā
āIt was, too. I saw it for myself and I felt shame going all over me from head to foot like a red wave. Then, after Mr. Carpenter had blue-pencilled almost every sentence and sneered at all my fine phrases and found fault with most of my constructions and told me I was too fond of putting ācleverismsā into everything I wrote, he flung my exercise book down, tore at his hair and said,
āāYou write! Jade, get a spoon and learn to cook!ā
āThen he strode...