Writing the Wisdom

Creative writing as healing from childhood trauma

Barbara Glasson, Penny Johnson

• Publisher: Sacristy Press
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781789592078
• eBook ISBN: 9781789592092
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Creative Writing

Writing the Wisdom explores the effects and emotional impact that trauma and abuse have on a person's life whilst also bringing together religious, spiritual, pastoral and therapeutic understandings. In a partnership between a church minister and an accredited counsellor, Barbara Glasson and Penny Johnson have used "creative writing for wellbeing" with women survivors of childhood trauma, including organized ritual abuse, a subject that still remains largely hidden from our society.

The poetry and prose that have been produced during these creative writing workshops may help those who have lived through such devastation to feel less isolated, by giving them the opportunity to read about others' experiences.

Writing the Wisdom also explores church practices that are unhelpful for those who have experienced abuse. Language and litany, listening and witnessing, healing, forgiveness and wisdom are all discussed, in the hope of enabling faith communities to look more closely and honestly at our way of life and to be mindful of the difficulties that some survivors of childhood abuse face.

Chapter 5

Ritual abuse

There have been many reports in the media of such things as institutional abuse, sex trafficking, and organized sexual abuse in our towns and on the internet where children, and particularly girls, are being regularly exploited within grooming “rings”.

Although these kinds of groups have been operating for some while and are known about these days, organized ritual abuse is only just beginning to emerge from the shadows. Michael Salter is the Scientia Associate Professor in Criminology at the University of New South Wales, Australia. He specializes in the study of organized abuse and gives the following definition:

Ritual abuse refers to incidents of organized abuse that are structured in a ceremonial or ritualistic fashion, often incorporating religious or mythological iconography. Ritual abuse is a characteristic of particularly abusive groups and is typically associated with the torture of children and adults and the manufacture of child abuse material. Despite vocal scepticism about the existence of ritual abuse, it has been a feature of high-profile sexual abuse convictions in the United States and the United Kingdom. Professionals in a range of contexts continue to report encountering child and adult victims of ritual.16

Emma was a woman in her mid-thirties who had come for counselling. As sessions progressed and her story began to unfold it became evident that she had been brought up in a family with an inverted belief system where Christianity was turned upside down. Night-time ceremonies of evil intent and the misuse of power, involving the sacrifice of animals and hideous cruelty to herself and other young children, were a regular occurrence. It was shocking. A first reaction for many would be one of disbelief and denial. Such atrocities might go on in other parts of the world, but this is the UK—a safe land of gentle rain, of birdsong and pealing church bells. Surely, that sort of thing just doesn’t happen. Most of us would be tempted to dismiss it, to forget all about it, but Emma’s story demanded to be heard. The secret underworld of organized ritual abuse had opened up and our perception of humanity jolted out of all recognition. Hers was a tale of terror, but it was also one of creative survival.

A general understanding developed from long-term work with Emma, and with several other clients since that time, is that “ritual abuse” covers a broad spectrum of group activities which often have an occult theme to them. The group usually has an ideology which is used to justify the abuse and the abusive rituals in turn are used to reinforce its ideology. Regular “religious” ceremonies take place, sometimes around specific dates such as Halloween and the autumn/spring equinox. The perpetrators are men and women of any age and from all walks of life, including the priesthood. The rituals involve repeated, extreme and sadistic torture over an extended period of time. Amongst a variety of sinister goings-on, young girls are splayed and shackled to altars to be inserted with candles or crucifixes and gang-raped. Often there is animal sacrifice and the use of stage magic and mind control to deceive a child. Such life-denying experiences have the power to close off the future and, when survivors do manage to articulate what happened to them, their stories sound bizarre and unbelievable, which only adds to the scepticism of an already controversial subject.

Overwhelming trauma such as this reaches its extreme in a condition known as dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder. DID is not something we are born with, but an ingenious survival strategy, and is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-V. It is brought about by extreme and terrifying childhood experiences which cause the mind to fracture and divide off into individual parts or alternative personalities (alters). Some of these parts absorb the pain, others observe from a distance while still others completely separate themselves off from the trauma in order to survive. Eventually these internal parts come to live separate lives with separate experiences and separate memories. They have different ages, different names and can be of a different gender, or even take a non-human form such as an animal, wizard or demon. The life story of someone with DID is full of gaps, hesitations and a set of experiences that may have considerable long-term effects such as amnesia and frequent mood changes, age regression and identity confusion. The world around her may seem unreal. She might have internal voices, feelings of possession and call herself by different names.

She stood.

At the edge of the River of Forgetting.

Not clear where the boundaries of memory ran.

Where they merged.

Where they meandered.

The current was strong.

The water murky.

Too dark to see beyond.

Or beneath.

She saw the bridge was broken.

The steppingstones were slippy.

Covered in green moss.

And thick, soggy algae.

Hands that no one else could

see held her tight.

Trapped.

The voices moved in.

A person with this condition is not always obvious, and she will make great efforts to hide the multiplicity, but she struggles with half-forgotten childhood events that have a way of erupting quite unexpectedly into the present moment. Something prompts a memory from the past. Scenes are replayed, and the scripts retold again and again. They might occur from the sound of footsteps on the stairs or the creak of a door being opened, or it could be something as fleeting as a facial expression that reminds her of the perpetrator. An unconscious part of the mind is suddenly triggered, old wounds are ripped open and terror rises up. She may become agitated, speak rapidly and hyperventilate. Or it could be the opposite: she appears to be shut down or spaced out with a glazed look in her eyes. The person has been left suspended in past trauma-time, frozen in memories of pain and confusion which range from unpleasant emotional states to more extreme responses such as outbursts of rage, hallucinations and the sudden reliving of past events in flashbacks. These may cause her to turn to drugs or alcohol or other forms of self-destructive behaviour, such as cutting or burning, in order to deal with the emotional pain, extreme shame and sense of helplessness that she is living with. The more positive news about DID, however, is that it is possible for a person to develop co-consciousness, where the split-off personalities or dissociated parts become fully aware of one another and build good and supportive relationships. A survivor can go on to lead a creative and productive life and hold down a successful job.

When Emma first started her counselling sessions there were significant gaps in her past life that she couldn’t remember. She was living with an eating disorder and a drink problem, and she self-harmed regularly to relieve some of the emotional agony she was experiencing. The path to healing called for profound courage and it was a huge risk for her to be placed at the mercy of a counsellor, to let go of hard-won control and disclose the secrets of a lifetime. As counselling progressed, her most prominent alter came forward—an angry, brave, outrageously cheeky, but loveable teenager of about fourteen years old whose name was Laura. Soon five other much younger children, all with individual names and ages, made themselves known, along with the stark memories of trauma that they held. During sessions, she would switch to a childlike part who was called “Little Girl Lost” or to another named “Leanne” and, using a rag doll to illustrate her sadistic torture, she told of the rejections, the betrayals and deceptions, the isolation of being unloved. At other times, she could find no narrative, but her story could be read in the wide, desperate eyes, the gaunt face, grey and etched with suffering. This place of shame, abandonment and raw pain . . . “My God, my God, where are you in all of this?”

The perennial question that many survivors struggle with is, “Where was God when the abuse was taking place?” Even though Emma had been told by many that God is a loving God who dwells within us and all around us and who cares for his precious children, she understandably had many doubts. In the midst of all her internal turmoil, she wrote a letter to this so-called God of Love. She poured out her desperation onto the page. She questioned, goaded, challenged and demanded answers. Then, as her trust began to grow, she invited him into her very dark and fragmented, pain-filled world.

Hey God!!

I’ve been reading this book about a guy who met you, well, he reckoned he did. Actually, what he says is you met him. You came to Earth and spent the weekend with him. Is that true? All the words you spoke in th...

Table of contents

• Introduction
• What are we talking about?
• How do stories emerge?
• Play with words
• What is good practice in church?
• Ritual abuse
• Wisdom
• Useful organizations
• Notes