The Principal as Chief Empathy Officer

Creating a Culture Where Everyone Grows

Thomas R. Hoerr

• Publisher: ASCD
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781416630814
• eBook ISBN: 9781416630838
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education Administration

What role does empathy play in your success as a school leader?

A principal's skills, knowledge, and experience are important when it comes to leading schools. But whether interacting with staff, students, or parents, principals also need empathy—a key social-emotional skill—to be effective and drive continuous improvement. In this book, veteran school leader Thomas R. Hoerr makes the case for why schools need a Chief Empathy Officer as principal and how to become one.

Discover how to grow your own empathy, as well as that of others, and the enormous positive effect this can have on your school. Explore how to view differences of opinion as opportunities to learn. And learn how empathy can help you* Build strong relationships with and among staff members.
* Better connect with students' parents.
* Reduce conflict by eliminating problems before they get out of hand.
* Model and pursue the crucial issues of diversity, equity, and inclusion.
* Improve instructional leadership.

Hoerr includes self-assessment and feedback tools, strategies for incorporating empathy schoolwide, and lively anecdotes that will walk you through the do's and don'ts of empathic leadership. If you're interested in taking your leadership skills up a notch (or two or three), The Principal as Chief Empathy Officer is for you!

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Chapter 1

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Empathy Makes the Difference

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How empathic are you? Let's begin by reflecting on your empathy. Respond as candidly as you can to the statements that appear in Figure 1.1.

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Figure 1.1. Finding Your Degree of Empathy: A Quiz

Directions: Place a 1 (strongly disagree); 2 (disagree); 3 (not sure); 4 (agree); or 5 (strongly agree) after each item.

1. Almost all of my friends are of my race and socioeconomic status.
2. People often refer to me as a good listener.
3. Understanding people's backgrounds helps me work with them.
4. I usually talk to people who share my views.
5. Silence is often a valuable part of a conversation.
6. I often come to quick conclusions on controversial issues.
7. The best employees compartmentalize their private lives.
8. I often use surveys to understand others' viewpoints.
9. Including different voices in discussions is always helpful.
10. I can predict how my school's staff members feel about topics.

Scoring:

(A) Total your points for 2, 3, 5, 8, and 9.

(B) Total your points for 1, 4, 6, 7, and 10, and divide by two.

(C) Subtract (B) from (A) for your empathy score.

If you scored

20 or higher: You are very empathic.

15–19: You understand the value of empathy and may need to practice it more regularly.

12–14: You will greatly benefit from learning more about empathy and about how it can help you become a better leader.

12 or lower: You are right at the beginning of this work, but don't lose heart. You can only grow.

Note: This survey is designed to provide a sense of your degree of empathy. It is a tool to elicit reflection and discussion, not a scientifically valid instrument.

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Why Empathy?

Although each of the Formative Five success skills—empathy, self-control, integrity, embracing diversity, and grit—plays a key role in success, I begin with empathy because there seems to be a striking lack of it everywhere I turn. Perhaps that's not surprising because in times of conflict and crisis, and we often find ourselves in such times, the human tendency is to dichotomize the problem or the differing points of view by simplifying the matter as us versus them. Then we discount, stereotype, and generalize "them." Avoidance, physical distance, and psychological barriers form a lacuna that prevents us from learning about, understanding, or working to appreciate others. Empathy is absent, and we wonder why so many of our problems seem intractable.

Many thinkers and writers have offered their definitions of empathy, and a common theme runs through their words:

• "The most powerful tool of compassion, empathy is an emotional skill that allows us to respond to others in a meaningful, caring way" (Brené Brown, 2015, p. 155).
• "Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that information to guide your actions" (Roman Krznaric, 2014, p. x).
• "Empathy … is the ability to use your imagination to see things from the view of another person, and to use that perspective to guide your behavior" (Brian Goldman, 2018, p. 3).
• "Empathy is our ability to share and understand one another's feelings—a psychological 'superglue' that connects people and undergirds cooperation and kindness" (Jamil Zaki in K.N.C., 2019).

The ability to understand how others perceive situations and share their feelings has been a key survival skill for thousands of years. Most likely starting out as a way to improve maternal care (de Waal, 2009)—empathetic mammalian mothers did a better job of raising successful offspring—empathy has always been an important part of developing relationships with others. People needed to cooperate to hunt animals, repel invaders, and harvest food. In Moral Origins, Christopher Boehm (2012) writes that "such feelings, which include an appreciation of how others are feeling and what their needs are" (p. 185), are an important component of what makes us human, and that "even though giving to those in need on the basis of empathy and reciprocity may be difficult to measure scientifically, this is a cornerstone of human cooperation" (p. 302). Approaching a situation with empathy forces us to pause and consider.

At the same time, notes visual artist Deborah Coffey (January 21, 2021, personal communication), survival calls for fast on-the-spot decision making. However, there are times we need to work against this tendency, she cautions, and empathy helps us slow down because "it allows the thinking mind to engage before judging and making decisions."

Several images in literature and film capture the essence of empathy. In the movie Spartacus, for example, featuring Kirk Douglas, soldiers shout out "I'm Spartacus!" in lieu of turning in their rebel leader, thereby condemning themselves to incarceration and death. In Ta-Nehisi Coates's novel The Water Dancer, Hiram Walker, an escaped slave, possesses a remarkable ability to understand others' feelings and motivations, and that empathy enables him to traverse northern and southern societies before the U.S. Civil War. We're also attracted to the characters of Atticus Finch (from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird), Katniss Everdeen (from Suzanne Collins's The Hunger Games trilogy), and Charlotte the spider (from E. B. White's Charlotte's Web) because their stories illustrate that empathy is a catalyst that leads to understanding, courage, and action.

Empathy and Leadership

Delving into empathy and its effect on leadership will require us to answer four crucial questions:

• What is leadership?
• What makes a leader effective?
• What does this mean for principals and schools?
• How can principals make a difference in the lives of their students and staff?

Let's start by reflecting on the various leaders we have known. Who are the three best leaders with whom you have worked? Perhaps they were your supervisor, possibly a colleague, or maybe someone who reported to you. These individuals might have been educators, business folks, or people who work in the nonprofit world. Or maybe they were volunteers. Before reading any further, please jot down their initials and write a few words that explain why you identified them. What adjectives describe these people?

Here's my prediction: Regardless of the organization in which these people worked, their role, or your relationship with them, you will most likely have noted some variant of the three factors that follow:

• They held high standards. They expected the best from themselves and from you. They were confident in you and sure of themselves. They may or may not have been patient and sometimes they may have expected too much, but their high expectations caused you to do your best.
• They possessed expertise and skills. Possibly they had "been there and done that." They learned from their experiences and used that knowledge while guiding you. Maybe they were knowledgeable about the work because of their education and training, or maybe their knowledge was more a function of their understanding of organizations, systems, and life. Regardless, that knowledge was a resource for you.
• Most important, they understood you and cared about you. Sure, their high standards and expertise were important, but it was their relationship with you—stemming from their empathy for you—that made the difference. Whether or not they used the term empathy, it enabled them to know when you needed direction and when they just needed to listen; they knew when to push harder and when to take a breath; they understood your perspectives and sentiments; they cared for you personally and professionally, and they were comfortable with you knowing this. They didn't always agree with you, but they understood you.

We work the hardest and go the extra mile for people with these skills. These leaders make a positive difference in organizations and in life. Regardless of their position or role, they are empathic.

Too often, however, we overlook these empathic attitudes and behaviors and fail to include them in formal leadership lessons. When we teach educational leadership in graduate school and professional development sessions, we usually return to hierarchy, accountability, and traditional models of professional expertise that view leadership as a transactional exchange. We applaud the knowledge and wisdom, the decisiveness and courage of successful leaders, be they in business, the military, or elsewhere. But great leaders need something more. They must also pause and take the time to know, recognize, and care for the people with whom they work. This is especially important in the field of education.

A Look at the Word

The word empathy is fairly recent; it's just a bit more than 100 years old. It first appeared in 1908 "as a translation of the German art historical term Einfuhlung, or, literally, "'in feeling'" (Lanzoni, 2018, p. 2). Originally, it referred to "the aesthetic activity of transferring one's own feelings into the form and shapes of objects" (p. 2).

Perhaps empathy showed up in the arts, but not so much in education. For far too many years, social-emotional learning—and certainly empathy—wasn't a focus in schools. Politicians and educators concerned themselves almost exclusively with preparing students for work, which meant mastering the three Rs and doing well on standardized bubble tests. If a report card addressed students' conduct and attitudes at all, the descriptors were maddingly superficial: "works well with others," "applies best effort," "pays attention in class."

In 1983, Howard Gardner launched a firestorm of excitement by questioning the narrow way that schools defined intellect. He identified seven intelligences, eliciting empathic reactions from readers who described how things might have been different for them or for their students if schools had considered the range of their intelligences, not just the linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences encapsulated in the three Rs. Empathy plays an integral role in Gardner's personal intelligences, both in intrapersonal intelligence, the ability to know and understand yourself, and in interpersonal intelligence, the ability to read and understand others.

In 1995, Daniel Goleman described empathy as a "fundamental people skill" (p. 43): "Empathy builds on self-awareness; the more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilled we will be in reading feelings" (p. 96). Almost 10 years later, he noted, "Empathic accuracy represents, some argue, the essential expertise in social intelligence" (2006, p. 88). The importance and malleability of empathy created momentum for educators to work to develop it in their students.

The term has also been used publicly by U.S. presidents. In reference to the COVID-19 pandemic, President George W. Bush (2020) tweeted the following in a video message on Twitter: "Let us remember empathy and simple kindness are essential, powerful tools of national recovery." Earlier on, in a 2006 graduation speech at Northwestern University, then-Senator Barack Obama said, "We should talk more about our empathy deficit." The term has even appeared on the front page of the Washington Post (Suri, 2019), although with a different valence: "How Presidential Empathy Can Improve Politics."

Today, the increasing attention given to the value of social-emotional learning and to the importance of relationships means that empathy has become a frequently used term. A Google search of the term produces 110,000,000 results in .57 seconds. Brainyquote.com offers 443 quotes that contain the word empathy. On one hand, it's heartening to see its growing presence online. On the other, it's frustrating to note its absence in society and in our public discourse.

Despite the increased attention given to empathy, it remains too elusive. In The Power of Kindness: Why Empathy Is Essential in Everyday Life, Brian Goldman (2018) references a recent study conducted by University of Indiana psychologist Sara Konrath; she found that "empathy among today's college students has declined by about 40 percent compared to their peers 20 or 30 years ago, with the biggest drop after 2000" (p. 3). The research of Jamil Zaki (2019) confirms this. He writes, "Empathy has dwindled steadily, especially in the twenty-first century. The average person in 2009 was less empathic than 75 percent of people in 1979" (p. 8). In a recent TED Talk, Zaki (2017) noted, "What's more troubling is that a lot of this decline happened pretty recently… since the turn of the 21st century."

There is much speculation about the causes of this decline in empathy. At the risk of being labeled a Luddite, I think the role of technology is a major factor. Too often, face...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Table of Contents
• Acknowledging, Appreciating, and Applauding
• Introduction
• Chapter 1. Empathy Makes the Difference
• Chapter 2. My Journey
• Chapter 3. Growing Your Empathy
• Chapter 4. Empathy and Your Staff
• Chapter 5. Empathy and Conflict
• Chapter 6. Empathy and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion
• Chapter 7. Empathy and Instructional Leadership
• Chapter 8. Don't Forget the Other Four
• Chapter 9. Empathy Is Not a Panacea
• Chapter 10. The Hits, the Misses—And Learning from It All
• References
• About the Author
• Related ASCD Resources
• Study Guide
• Copyright