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In her twelve-year-old mind, Lara Frost divided the population into two groups ā old people, which included everyone over the age of eighteen, and young people, which included everyone else. She had done this for many years and felt that the system worked quite well, although her mother often told her that adults didnāt like being called old. Lara thought this was strange because adults obviously were old, so what was the problem in saying so? Lara wasnāt very good at telling people apart, so grouping them all together made life easier. As a result of her system, there were a lot of āold peopleā in Laraās life ā her parents, teachers, aunts, grandparents and so on. Even some of her cousins had recently become old, when they left college and began wearing suits to go to work.
Lara thought that old people often said peculiar things. Come to think of it, young people often said strange things as well, but old people talked as though their words were important and that young people should take notice of them. One of the most ridiculous things that old people did was to talk fondly about school. Lara was often told by various well-meaning aunts and grandparents that āSchool is the best time of your lifeā. This made her feel heavy and grey. When she thought back over her experiences so far, she decided that if school was as good as life was going to get, then life wasnāt going to be much fun.
The first day of primary school was clearly etched on Laraās mind. It was a chaos of sensations, overpowering noises and smells. Her new uniform scratched her legs, faces peered at her ā people chattering, laughing and stroking her hair. There were so many people. They kept asking her questions. She couldnāt put a name to the emotion at the time, but her skin became hot and her heart thrashed against her ribs. She didnāt consciously decide to run away; it just happened. One minute Bobby Dishfordās big, toothy grin was in her face. The next minute, he was lying on his back with the breath knocked out of his lungs and a large purple bruise forming on his cheekbone. Lara had gone.
She remembered the cool wind on her face, the peace of the gentle outside noises, the space and blissful solitude. She was free, with her thumping heart and spindly legs powering her on across the playing field away from the Reception Class building.
She didnāt hear the old person calling to her colleague, āSusan! Quick! Sheās done a runner!ā
āWho has? Hang on . . . someoneās thumped Bobby,ā replied another old person from the classroom.
āItās all right. Iāll go after her,ā the first old person had called back, setting off after the rapidly disappearing figure who had nearly reached the wood on the edge of the school grounds. This particular old person was not well suited to giving chase to speedy four-year-olds. Her reading glasses, which were balanced on her head, bounced on her grey curls as she lumbered across the wet grass. Consequently, Lara was left undisturbed for some time, nestled under the branches of a large snowberry bush. Inside the bush, it was cool and dark and smelt of damp earth. Lara sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, gently rocking, listening to her breathing as it gradually slowed. There was no need to think, no need to talk, no need to try to understand. She felt safe in her own world.
Cocooned under the bush, it was a while before she became aware of a ragged wheezing and thud of heavy feet stumbling about in the undergrowth. An old person was muttering to herself.
āOh! Good Lord!ā Puff, puff. āItās only the first day of term,ā gasped the voice in a long breathless wheeze. āI really should have retired. Iām sure that running laps of the school grounds isnāt in my job description . . . Ow! Blast!ā Then in a louder more positive voice, āLara? Itās Mrs Jones. Are you there? Lara . . .ā
The voice and the heavy feet crunched further away through the debris of fallen sticks. Lara let her mind return to her breathing, which was now slow and steady. Sucking air in . . . wait . . . puffing it out . . . wait . . . sucking in . . . wait . . . and out . . .
āLara love. I know youāre there. I can see your feet.ā Lara opened her eyes and saw a large bosom in a frilly blouse, one arm and half of an old personās face peering under the snowberry leaves. āLara, please come out. Itās all muddy under there. We can sit in the sun together for a bit.ā There was a long pause, and the eye peering under the bush blinked several times.
Slowly, Lara swung forward on to her knees and wriggled out from under the bush. She found herself standing in front of an old person who was leaning on her elbows with her bottom in the air. The teacher cautiously pushed herself up on to her haunches and retrieved her reading glasses that were hanging on the bush. She was still breathing heavily.
āYouāve got mud on your arms,ā stated Lara.
āSo I have.ā The old person brushed the worst of the earth from her forearms.
āAnd on your shirt.ā
āYes. It will need a wash when I get home.ā
āThere are twigs in your hair.ā
āAre there? Can you take them out for me?ā Lara frowned, staring at the old personās hair and imagining what it would feel like to touch. Eventually, she stepped forward and delicately removed two small sticks that had lodged in the teacherās hair.
āAll done?ā
Lara nodded.
āRight. Letās sit in the sun.ā
The old person heaved herself to her feet, brushing dead leaves and earth from her knees, and led the way back on to the playing field. There was a sturdy wooden bench near the edge of the grass, and the old person walked over and sat on one end, leaning back against the warm wooden slats and turning her face to the sun. Lara wriggled up on to the other end of the bench and sat with her legs dangling as they were too short to reach the ground. A blackbird began to trill in a nearby treetop.
In the distance, a teacher emerged from the Reception Class building and peered across the playing field, scanning the scene. She stopped when she saw the figures on the bench and raised an arm in greeting. The old person next to Lara raised her muddy arm in a friendly wave.
āThatās Miss Beech, checking that weāre OK,ā said the old person. Lara did not respond. They both sat in the sun staring at the school for a while until the old person broke the silence.
āSchool can feel noisy and confusing on your first day.ā Lara did not comment, but she was glad that the old person hadnāt asked her a question. Old people asked too many questions. She was also glad that they were both looking at the school. It was often easier to talk when old people werenāt staring at you.
āSome children feel scared when they start school. In fact, itās normal to feel nervous. It becomes easier when you get used to it.ā
On that first day, Lara couldnāt imagine ever getting used to the sensational chaos of school ā and in many ways she never did. She spent quite a lot of time under the snowberry bush in her first term. By November, the old people had persuaded Lara to calm down sitting on the bench, rather than by hiding under the bush, which was a great relief to the old people who had creaky knees.
Although the idea of playing with other children had appealed to Lara on one level, she had found them noisy and unpredictable. Often they sat too close to her and took her toys, or began playing in a way that was totally different from how Lara had planned. They didnāt seem to understand why this was a problem for Lara, and it was so hard for her to explain. In her frustration, Lara had often screamed or pushed the children away and she hadnāt understood why this was a problem for them. After a while, the other children stopped trying to play with her, and she decided that it was better to play on her own.
During those first terms of her early school life, Laraās parents, Mr and Mrs Frost, spent a lot of time in meetings with the headteacher ā but not as much time as Lara had spent sitting on the bench.
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As time went on, Lara started to adjust to school life, but unexpected problems often cropped up, such as her fear of bears. When she was very young, her father had read her a poem about bears coming to eat people if they trod on the lines of the pavement, and ever since it had been a ritual for Lara to avoid the lines. This habit was not always easy to follow; it meant that walking down cobbled streets was very difficult, particularly when her feet began growing larger than the cobbles.
There had been a terrible scene on a school trip when the class arrived at a museum to find that it had a beautiful mosaic floor; there were intricate pictures created from tiny squares of stone. Looking at the floor and all the people walking on it made Lara feel as though her world was disintegrating. It wasnāt possible to follow her rules; with every step, her classmates were walking on dozens of lines, which would cause them to be eaten by bears. There was no sign of any bears, but she knew that the bears must be there waiting to pounce because that was what happened when people walked on the lines. She couldnāt walk on the lines. She couldnāt explain to the other children about the bears. She couldnāt hear what the old people were saying to her ā there were too many lines and children and bears ā and yet no bears. As the panic mounted inside her, she shrieked, desperately running through the crowds, trying to push her classmates, teachers, elderly ladies and even a woman with a pram off the mosaic and on to the safety of the flagstones at the edge of the room. As the befuddled visitors could not comprehend what Lara was trying to do when she pushed them aside, they instantly wandered back on to the mosaic. Lara became increasingly hysterical, dashing from side to side, trying to save everyone, with her teachers chasing behind her. The scene ended abruptly when she cannoned into a frail gentleman with a walking stick. He crashed to the ground with a crunch. Laraās feet left the floor as a security guard scooped her up under his beefy arm and carried her towards the exit.
Lara and an old person spent the rest of the trip sitting on a bench in the rain outside the museum. It was a comfortable bench but Lara noticed how the rain made the old personās hair stick to her forehead and how it dripped off her shiny nose. The old person was very quiet that day. While they waited on the bench, an ambulance arrived, its blue lights shining on the puddles. Lara watched the paramedics disappear into the museum and later emerge again wheeling the old man on a trolley. His face had a green tinge, but his eyes were bright, and he spotted Lara sitting silently on the bench beside the bedraggled teaching assistant. He spoke to the paramedic who glanced towards Lara and then came over to her.
āMr Johnson would like to talk to you,ā the paramedic said to Lara.
āAre you sure thatās a good idea?ā the teaching assistant aske...
