The Other Side of Power

How to Become Powerful Without Being Power-Hungry

Claude M. Steiner

• Publisher: Grove Press
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9780802158390
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Leadership
• Index: Business

The psychotherapist and author of Scripts People Live shows readers how to use their personal strengths to achieve what they want. Claude M. Steiner (1935–2017) was a bestselling author and psychotherapist who pioneered the popular field of Transactional Analysis, which involves analysis of an individual's social interactions as a basis for understanding behavior. First published in 1981 and now back in print, The Other Side of Power is the sequel to Dr. Steiner's influential Scripts People Live and feels as relevant today as ever. Power—we all want it, we all need it. We feel its effects in our business, family, and personal relationships. In this accessible volume, Dr. Steiner shows how everyone can be powerful without being power-hungry. Instead of chasing the increasingly empty and improbably "conventional American power dream, " as Dr. Steiner puts it, the other side of power—our own personal strengths—can be used to get us what we want. This humane approach is not predicated upon the exploitation or manipulation of others, which leads to power for the few and not the many. In clear terms and with specific examples, the author shows how to draw instead upon individual strengths to neutralize and turn to advantage situations that could otherwise result in feeling of powerlessness. The Other Side of Power teaches us that once we understand the nature of power, we can learn to deal with it more comfortably and use it toward more rewarding personal and professional relationships. Dr. Steiner's classic in psychological theory offers a meaningful and practical guide to harnessing the other side of power.

PART ONE:

Control

i

THE AMERICAN POWER DREAM

A few years ago, when I started writing this book, there was an upsurge of interest in power. Books on power like The Power Broker, by Robert A. Caro; Power and Innocence, by Rollo May; Tales of Power, by Carlos Castaneda; Power, the Inner Experience, by David McClelland; The Price for Power, by Arnold Hutschnecker; On Personal Power, by Carl Rogers; The Abuse of Power, by Newfield and Du Brill; Power, Inc., by Mintz and Cohen; and many others, appeared continuously over a span of a few years. Of all the books on power, Michael Korda’s Power! How to Get It, How to Use It was most interesting to me because it was both readable and sophisticated. It became a major bestseller because it spoke directly and clearly about the everyday realities of power as it operates in the mainstream of American life: the business world. Almost simultaneously with Korda’s book, How to Win through Intimidation, by Robert Ringer, also became an instant best-seller. Ringer’s book is less intricate and thoughtful, more down-to-earth; the redneck’s version of Korda’s book. They both faithfully portray the kind of power relations which are all too typical for people, whether they are in business or not; for competitive business practices permeate our life.

Korda’s book is an encyclopedia of observations about power behavior. I’m sure that his book has been read by everybody who is anybody in business, and I imagine that it has had a definite effect on power behavior in industry and commerce. Korda points to the importance of the briefcases, watches, shoes, and clothes that people wear. He proposes that ears, noses, eyes, and feet are as important as where we sit in our own or someone else’s office, how we move around at an office party, or how we answer the phone. He claims that all of these items are related to our level of power.

As we read Korda’s observations of the superficialities of power behavior, we soon become aware of his more profound convictions. Early in the book, he quotes Heinrich von Treitschke: “Your neighbor, even though he may look upon you as his natural ally against another power which is feared by you both, is always ready at the first opportunity, as soon as it can be done with safety, to better himself at your expense… . Whoever fails to increase his power must decrease his if others increase theirs.”

It is interesting to note how Korda, as so many other writers on the subject, wants to appear to be simply a reporter on matters of power; one who, himself, is above prejudice or preference. However, his approach is thoroughly slanted. In a March 1977 Mainliner interview with Joseph Poindexter, Korda defines power extremely narrowly as “the ability to control people, events, and oneself… . In a word, power is control.” He also subtly but very definitely favors power abuse: “[A] notion of power I’m fond of is that it is the extent to which you can make others wait for you as opposed to having to wait for them” (emphasis mine).

In his definition of power as strictly a matter of control over others, Korda follows the most common view. This all-pervasive notion is shared by most writers on the subject; the only disagreement seems to be whether power (Control) is good or bad, desirable or undesirable, Korda seems to admire people who are powerful but use their power over others smoothly and elegantly. For instance, he speaks almost lovingly of David Mahoney, the fifty-two-year-old chairman, president, and chief executive of Norton Simon, Inc., whose office “seems to have been designed to reflect the presence of power and money, in a quiet, self-assured style that is peculiar to late-twentieth-century America.” He describes stainless steel and leather furniture, enormous abstract paintings; everything is solid and expensive. “What makes the difference is money.” He describes his eyes: large, intelligent, hypnotic, unblinking, cold, shrewd. Mahoney seems to exemplify Korda’s ideal of power and success. Impressive offices, limousines, obedient and efficient employees, expense accounts, servants; in short, maximum control, minimum bother.

Korda’s almost fawning admiration of David Mahoney is in sharp contrast with his disdain for ineffectual uses of Control. He believes that all of the power abuses committed by the Nixon White House were really the result of those men’s “inner sense of worthlessness that made them fear that they had no right to be there, and might at any moment be found out, [which] revealed [them] as weak and ordinary men.” He faults Nixon and his people for being possessed by a high level of self-pity, and “self-pity is not an emotion one connects with a sense of power. What is more, it led inevitably to blunders, inefficiency, and bad management. A truly powerful group of men might well have succeeded in burglarizing the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist, or tapping Larry O’Brien’s telephone—neither feat would have seemed insufferably difficult.” In other words, Korda seems to feel that the Nixon White House was simply not effective in its use of power. Had they been effective, it seems that Korda would be in awe of them, and would not give a second thought to the damage they might have inflicted upon the American people. Had they been successful, Korda’s attitude might be similar to his attitude about David Mahoney.

Korda doesn’t appreciate crude exhibitions of power, and in example after example in his book he endorses maneuvers for the same goal—Control—as long as they are subtle, elegant, smooth, and effective. He is a sophisticate of power abuse; it’s good to have power and to use it to control others, as long as it is done with style. Most stylish, of course, is the capacity to appear to have no power at all while being all-powerful: “The contemporary American’s type of power is to pretend that one has none.”

In contrast to Korda’s veiled support of power abuse, Robert Ringer’s Winning Through Intimidation gets right down to brass tacks and tells us at the onset that there are only three types of people, all three of which are out to screw you. Type #1 lets you know from the beginning that he is out to get all of your chips and attempts to do just that. Type #2 assures you that he’s not interested in getting your chips and implies that he wants to be fair with you. He then follows through and tries to grab all of your chips anyway. Type #3 assures you that he is not interested in getting any of your chips, and he sincerely means it. In the end, due to any number of reasons, he, like Type #1 and #2, still ends up trying to grab your chips. His motto is, “I really didn’t mean to cut off your hand at the wrist, but I had no choice when you reached for your chips.” According to Ringer, there are no Type #4 people: your choice is between #1, #2, and #3.

Ringer calls these three types his professors at “Screw U.” If asked, I imagine Korda would seem to be ambivalent about just which, of these three, he particularly prefers; Ringer’s mind is made up. Type #1, the honest (because straightforward) vulture is his clear favorite, since he would rather deal with a straightforward competitor than with a Type #2, who has every intention of screwing him, but disguises his intentions successfully enough to confuse his victim. Type #2, the mystifying vulture, may be Michael Korda’s favorite, since he seems to feel that the trick is “to make people do what you want them to, and like it, to persuade them that they want what you want.”

Korda and Ringer reflect what is going on in a very large and influential portion of the world of business. In this world, in which power has become simply, as Korda says, a “means of protecting ourselves against the cruelty, indifferences and ruthlessness of other men,” peopled by Types #1, #2, and #3, it would be foolish to ignore the kinds of power and its uses, which are described by Korda and Ringer. After all, as Korda says in the Mainliner interview, “There is a fixed amount applicable to a given situation at a given time, and what you have diminishes what someone else has by that amount. Your gain is someone else’s loss; your failure, someone else’s victory.”

It is from this same perspective that R. H. Morrisson, president of Securities Management Associates, wrote Why Sons of Bitches Succeed and Why Nice Guys Fail in Small Business, in which chapter 2 will show you “how to screw your employees first, that is before they screw you, how to keep them smiling on low pay, how to maneuver them into low paid jobs, and how to hire and fire so that you always make money.” Chapter 8 will teach you “how to squeeze your competitors dry, how to play the game the way the Rockefellers, IBM’s, General Motors and other Big Boys play it—to win.” With the S.O.B. techniques in this chapter, “you can bury the competition and laugh, all the way to the bank.” In chapter 4 you will “discover how to win every ass-kicking contest you get into with them by outsmarting and out-bullshitting them every step of the way.” This book confirms Korda’s and Ringer’s view of the world. As Morrisson says, “Every small businessman needs this book, even the nice guys, to protect themselves against the S.O.B.’s.” He’s not particular about who he sells the book to: a buck is a buck, whether from an S.O.B. or a sucker.

Looking out for your neighbor is plain foolish. There is no worth to fairness, conscience, generosity, sharing, or cooperation. Only one thing really matters: Control and the accumulation of power, preferably in the form of money.

Indeed, we are so immersed in this world that it is hard to see what is wrong with this approach. Control, power, and money do seem awfully attractive don’t they? What else can make us feel as good? Who can argue that it is better to be without them? What else are we to pursue? Love, fairness, and generosity sound good, but can we feed our children on them?

In his latest book, Success!, Korda provides us with a handy set of guidelines that should settle your questions once and for all. Here is a summary of what he says:

It’s okay to be greedy and ambitious. It’s okay to look out for Number One. It’s okay to be Machiavellian (if you can get away with it). It’s okay to recognize that honesty is not always the best policy (provided you don’t go around saying so). It’s okay to have a good time and to be a winner. And yes, it’s always okay to be rich.

Unfortunately, most people who are trying to make their lives work all too often assume this is the best path to achievement. By committing themselves to this type of competitive life-style, they are leaving behind all of the different options in which achievement of power doesn’t depend on reducing someone else’s, or risking one’s own, in a competitive gamble. At the same time, people who commit themselves to the American Power Dream will find that the heartless attitudes about people and their feelings required by this approach have many silent consequences: alienated marriages, nasty divorces, ruined friendships, sullen, angry, drug-taking children, ulcers, hypertension, heart disease. Finally they will discover that, after spending their “productive” years feverishly pursuing Control power and neglecting their intimate relationships, the next generation of competitors will be glad to give them the same treatment they so enthusiastically dished out to others. In fact, in his book, Korda himself provides us with a chilling and underhanded step-by-step method for young company men to get rid of aging executives, in a section titled “Men Must Endure Their Going Hence.”

Thinking that you can become powerful in Korda’s, Ringer’s, and Morrisson’s games is like walking into a crooked gambling casino hoping that you can make a killing. Everything is stacked against you; you are like an unsuspecting lamb being lured into the shearing shed by the smiling faces of those who are preparing to fleece you. Your chances of winning are very, very low. If, by some chance you do win, you have to spend the rest of your life hovering over your spoils like a vulture waiting for the next kill. Do you really want to live that way?

The ultimate irony is that, of late, Robert Ringer, who developed the Ringer method for automobile sales and who tells us how to intimidate and screw our neighbor has gone from Type #1 professor at Screw U to becoming a philosopher for “free enterprise.”

In his latest book, Restoring the American Dream, he upgrades his act and resells it to us in a new package, in the form of a treatise on freedom, individualism, and the American Dream. According to him, the American Dream is indeed dead or close to dead. He blames this death on politicians, government, and the overregulation of our business people.

According to Ringer, “America can’t afford not to have rich people, for they are the very backbone of productivity, employment, and a better life for all.” He wants us to hand what is left of our dream to the rich folk, who have already succeeded in beating it to within an inch of its life so that they can suck it completely dry once and for all.

The aplomb with which Ringer states his views can only be understood if one remembers that he is, first and foremost, a salesman. It all sounds so plausible somehow. How did the rich become the backbone of productivity? What happened to the workers?

Let us not forget that if the American Dream is dead it was killed by the greedy, the selfish individualists, the robber barons, the multinational corporations who in the name of free enterprise stop at nothing as they pursue power, control, and the almighty dollar. Government regulation is only a feeble, ineffectual effort to stop them.

Years ago, when I had achieved success and began to look the American Dream in the face, I had been feeling mighty proud of all my accomplishments. I did not see how much of what I was accomplishing was the result of my optimal position to make use of resources which were mostly not my own. I was the privileged white male child of educated parents in a land and time of plenty. It seemed to me—and others in similarly privileged positions—that with a little hard work anybody could make a go of it. Those that didn’t were either lazy or dumb. I didn’t realize that many other people worked twice as hard as I did and didn’t succeed at all. I didn’t know that people just as smart, just as hardworking as myself went through life unable to keep up with their basic needs and spent their “golden” years in abject poverty—if they even lived that long. I happened to be on the top levels of a global pyramid which funneled its resources in my direction, and I was not aware of it.

In other words, I was a self-satisfied fool. I was cheating without knowing it; my power was not really mine. It had a large portion of its source elsewhere, that I had mistakenly assumed came solely from me. Inevitably, I was headed in the direction of disappointment. I wasn’t really entitled to the feelings of mastery and power that I enjoyed. They were based on the unwitting usurpation of other people’s birthright. As I became more aware of the realities of my position on the “ladder of success,” I had more and more difficulty when trying to smugly assert my unfair privilege because I saw that my power was based on the powerlessness of others.

I began to glimpse the realities of my privileged dream as a result of the civil-rights movement. I had known, of course, that blacks were suppressed in this country, but I had not stopped to think about how their oppression benefited me, personally. As blacks rioted, became uppity, pressed their advantage, and began to get better jobs and salaries, I was able to feel the squeeze of their demands. My cleaning woman wanted more pay and wasn’t being friendly about it. The docile Negroes who used to do menial jobs for me became angry blacks in jobs which, I thought, they weren’t able to “handle” effectively. Still, my well-insulated suburban life was barely touched by these developments; they provided me with a preliminary taste of what was to come, and I could accept them with a liberal attitude.

The full reality of my wholly unearned personal privilege was served up to me by the women’s movement. Women all around me began to stop cooking, doing dishes, taking care of children. They started taking up space in conversations and questioning my right to dominate every situation with my presence and opinions. It was clear now that the liberal attitudes that got me by the Black Power movement were not going to work with women. If I was going to be serious about women’s rights I would actually have to give up something.

To my surprise, I found that hard to take. My friends say that I had to be forced to let go of my grip on things, finger by clawlike finger. I was lucky to have loving—as well as determined—teachers in this matter. Each concession of power on my part was rewarded and followed by a new, demanding lesson.

I discovered that giving up privilege, though uncomfortable and frightening, can be exhilarating as well. I began to notice that being fair often feels better than getting my way and that the pleasure of sharing what there is makes up for having to do with less. Eventually, I also saw how giving up privilege caused people to treat me more lovingly and respectfully.

From then on it was a chillingly simple matter to realize that my privilege extended beyond blacks and women. I had an unfair advantage over young and old people, gay people, disabled people, fat people, single people, but above all over the vast numbers of poor people in this country and the world over. The illusion that I was entitled to that advantage dissolved, and this new awareness radically changed my view of myself ...