Trauma-Informed Children's Ministry

A Practical Guide to Reaching Hurting Kids

Robert G. Crosby, Lori A. Crosby

• Publisher: Cascade Books
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781666715743, 9781666715750
• eBook ISBN: 9781666715767
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Index: Psychology

James used to laugh and joke with the other third graders. Now he was angry, aggressive, and defiant. James was hurting, but Pastor Becky didn't know how to help. Like many children's pastors, she didn't realize that a child in her ministry was experiencing symptoms of trauma. She wasn't sure how to respond to his big feelings and challenging behaviors.Trauma-Informed Children's Ministry: A Practical Guide to Reaching Hurting Kids helps children's ministry leaders understand trauma and strengthen their ministries to serve and disciple hurting kids.?Divorce, bullying, adoption, abuse. Learn how trauma touches the children you love and what most churches get wrong when it comes to teaching and disciplining children who have experienced trauma.?Why does Isaac keep talking back? Why is Sara under the table crying? Make sense out of the most frustrating, confusing, and heartbreaking child behaviors.?Through inspiring, real-life stories, discover practical, research-based strategies to begin transforming your ministry this Sunday.Good intentions are not enough. Our changing society craves authentic churches equipped to reach all children. This powerful, groundbreaking book will help you: Cultivate caring relationships. Eliminate challenging behaviors. Encourage your team. And amplify your church's impact in the community!

Part 1

Theory and Background

1

Trauma-Informed Children’s Ministry

It was 12:59 p.m. I (Robert) hurriedly examined the small round folding table to make sure everything was in place. I counted four water bottles, six sheets of construction paper, and two plastic crayon boxes. Nodding in approval, I unzipped my digital audio recorder from its case and sat it in the middle of the table. I opened my blue three-ring binder to the tab marked “Family Interview Questions” and skimmed the page. This was my last interview of the weekend, so I pretty much had the questions memorized. I checked my itinerary on my phone. I would have plenty of time to clean up, Uber to the airport, and catch my 5:40 p.m. flight back to Los Angeles.

I stifled a yawn. I was still jetlagged from my flight the day before. That was nothing new. I spent most of 2019 flying around the United States and South America observing children’s ministries and interviewing their children, families, and volunteers. I was part of a research group that was conducting a three-year study to figure out the best ways that churches can care for hurting children. We had hand-selected churches that excelled at reaching children from hard places. Every church I visited had something new to teach us.

The door opened, and I rose to welcome my guests. I shook hands with Lupe, an older woman who presented herself with poise and dignity. She introduced me to her two granddaughters, twelve-year-old Sara and ten-year-old Camila. I didn’t know Lupe or Camila, but I recognized Sara. She had participated in the children’s focus group earlier that afternoon along with her brother, thirteen-year-old Mateo. Even though they had already signed the consent forms, I went over everything again. “The purpose of this research project is to learn ways that churches can support kids and families who are going through a tough time,” I explained. “I just want to start by giving you the chance to share your story.”

They were surprisingly candid. Lupe told me that the children’s father was in prison and that their mother had been in and out of jail for most of their lives. As a result, Child Protective Services placed the children in the foster care system when Sara was seven. They spent a year in foster care before Lupe adopted them. Now the children were living with their grandmother in a home with sixteen people. Clearly, all of this had taken its toll on the children. “My grandson was very violent, very verbally abusive,” Lupe explained matter-of-factly.

Sara elaborated, “Yeah, Mateo was punching the walls, breaking the walls, breaking a door—a big door!”

“And a window,” interjected little Camila. She didn’t look up from the picture she was drawing on a sheet of red construction paper.

“He was hurting other kids, getting in fights, gambling, running away!” Sara continued, her voice rising. “He runned off and we had to get in the car, and we drove around looking for him. My grandma got out and went after him and a truck almost hit her!”

My eyes widened. I was impressed by Sara’s confidence and ability to express herself. Sara reflected thoughtfully, “Mateo has his anger issues and I might have a little bit of that, but . . .”

“Mostly crying issues,” Camila chimed in again.

Sara seemed embarrassed for the first time. She quickly quieted her sister, “Okay, okay, calm down now . . .”

As the family continued their story, I learned that the adoption was a difficult transition for everyone. Lupe knew she needed help, and so did the children. Lupe eventually decided to bring the children to her church. She was confident that the church would provide the love and support their family desperately needed.

What happened next broke my heart . . .

What Is Childhood Trauma?

What comes to mind when you hear the word trauma? For some, the word conjures cinematic images of gritty soldiers dodging bullets in the jungles of Vietnam as explosions illuminate the rainy night sky. Others might recall natural disasters that have brought widespread death and destruction. Citizens of the United States will never forget the image of the falling Twin Towers on September 11, or the deaths, economic devastation, and social unrest that ravaged the country in the wake of the COVID-19 global pandemic.

All of these are examples of traumatic events. They are powerful experiences that threaten people’s sense of safety. But researchers now understand that these are not the only kinds of traumatic events that children experience. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, childhood trauma occurs whenever children experience an intense event that threatens or causes harm to their physical or emotional well-being. Traumatic events can be things children experience themselves, things that happen to people they care about, or things they see on the news.

When researchers study childhood trauma, they do consider extreme events like terrorism, war, and natural disasters. But most trauma studies focus on more common experiences, such as when Sara’s parents were incarcerated and the children were taken from their home. When studying trauma, researchers typically ask people whether they have experienced any of the following events:

•Drug or alcohol abuse in the home

•Mental illness in the home

•Domestic violence

•Parental separation or divorce

•Incarceration of a household member

•Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

•Physical or emotional neglect

When these events occur before the age of eighteen, researchers call them adverse childhood experiences, or “ACEs.” Over the past twenty years, researchers have discovered that these experiences are startlingly common in the United States and around the world. They have also discovered that ACEs can have a devastating effect on children’s thoughts, emotions, relationships, and self-esteem. They can impact every part of a child’s life—home, school, church—and the effects usually last into adulthood.

How Common Is Childhood Trauma?

You might be wondering whether this book really applies to you and your ministry. I know my kids, you might be thinking. They come from good Christian families. They haven’t been traumatized. The challenge is that we really don’t know what the children in our ministries have experienced. Sometimes, the children themselves don’t know. The trauma might have occurred when they were too young to explicitly remember. Oftentimes, their parents don’t even know about it. And other times, they simply don’t tell you. In our trauma study, I interviewed children who hid their trauma from the church for years. Twelve-year-old Ryan was one of those children.

“When I was growing up, we had a home life and then we had a church life. What people saw at church was completely different.” —Danielle, Children’s Ministry Volunteer

The summer before third grade was an exciting time for Ryan and his family. They bought a new home with a pool in the backyard. They moved across town, and Ryan was looking forward to a fresh start at his new elementary school. Unfortunately, two weeks after the move, Ryan’s mother lost her high-paying job. His parents knew it wouldn’t be long before they started missing mortgage payments. The stress in the house was palpable. Ryan’s mother could tell that her anxiety was rubbing off on her son.

“I just started crying out of the blue,” Ryan shared. “We were just eating dinner and talking about our day, and I just started crying. I don’t know why I did. I couldn’t stop. It took about ten minutes for me to stop crying that night.”

Ryan’s parents told me that...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Permissions
• Preface
• Acknowledgments
• Part 1: Theory and Background
• Part 2: Practical Application