Real Conversation: Infertility

Biblical Truths to Help You Navigate Infertility

Megan Johnson

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781666736410, 9781666794656
• eBook ISBN: 9781666794663
• Topic: Theology & Religion

Infertility--a word that catches one's attention because it is used in quiet private moments. It was a word Megan Johnson noticed other couples speak in hushed tones until she and her husband became that couple. Johnson and her husband are Christians who had to navigate the dicey waters of infertility from a biblical viewpoint. Their infertility appointments were full of medical terminology and clinical processes but devoid of moral discussions. In this book, Megan equips married Christian couples with a biblical tool belt for their infertility journey. She discusses intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), and embryo adoption from a biblical perspective. Her aim is to fully equip these couples before they step into their first infertility appointment.

Coffee Date 1

Our infertility story

The microwave push

I was not always interested in becoming a mother. One day, I was watching my food heat up in the microwave then my mom pushed me out of the way and said, “I want grandchildren”!

This was a curious statement as I did not see the connection between my food warming up and having a family. She explained that if I stood in front of the microwave, it could affect my reproductive system. This is not a scientific fact, but I appreciated her genuine concern.

As a little junior higher, I said, “But I don’t want kids. They will ruin my body.” To which she wisely stated, “Right now you don’t, but one day you will.” Boy, was she right.

The email: June 2019

This was after two years of trying to conceive. I said, “Hey baby, we received the results of your semen analysis. Can you read this email with me”? Ben replied, “Sure, what’s up”? The email from Ben’s doctor read, “We found no sperm in your semen.” And there begins our infertility story.

You had me at snowflake: June–August 2019

Many early mornings cluttered our already busy schedule. The blood draw lab opened at 6:30am, so we would be up, ready for the day, and out the door by 5:45am. We started becoming regulars. The staff even knew us by name. We would turn our blood draw mornings into coffee dates to make it more fun.

The doctors were trying to figure out what was going on with Ben. The blood tests ruled out a genetic reason for his azoospermia. An embarrassing physical exam ruled out a blockage. And surgery was put on the books to “open him up,” for lack of a better phrase.

As per protocol with infertile couples, I had to go through a series of tests. My testing involved lots of blood work and a traumatic hysterosalpingogram ultrasound. You would think that ultrasound means “jelly on the belly.” Nope, this was a very different type of ultrasound; it was much more invasive. In the end, though, all the blood tests and ultrasounds deemed me healthy and fertile.

The lab work and doctor’s appointments were like the entrance exam to become part of our local Reproductive, Endocrine, and Infertility (REI) clinic. We attended the orientation class in a crowded room with at least twenty other couples. We did not learn anything new until our private conversation with the doctor at the end.

We patiently waited to speak with him, and when we did, we found out two things. First, based on our current situation, our only option for biological children would be IVF. At this point in time, Ben’s surgery had not occurred yet. The surgery would determine if there were any little swimmers they could use for IVF.

Two, the doctor in passing mentioned something called a snowflake program. Since each baby is unique, like a snowflake. This type of program allows infertile couples to adopt embryos, fertilized eggs, from other couples who have already undergone IVF. Essentially, the adoptive couple experiences the pregnancy and birth of their adopted baby. Since my body was healthy, this new information perked our ears up, so we both made a mental note. It gave us lots to pray about, and so we did.

The surgery results: October–November 2019

Ben’s surgery was in October, and the wait for the results was long. We found out in November that Ben has unexplained azoospermia. There is no medical reason for it; it just is. A little after processing the surgery results, we shared the news with extended family and friends. The email went like this:

We have been trying to conceive for about two years now, with no luck. Earlier this year, we went to our fertility clinic to see what was happening. Within a week, we found out that Ben has something very rare called azoospermia, meaning he does not produce any sperm. This cascaded into a series of countless doctor’s appointments, blood tests, ultrasounds, and even surgery to see if they could do anything to help us conceive and have biological children. The surgery results just came in last week, and it turns out there is no explanation for it and nothing they can do to fix it.

If the surgery results indicated that there was viable sperm, then IVF could have been an option for us. However, since there is absolutely no sperm, IVF is not an option. Because of these results, we will not have genetically biological children. The doctor’s next step was to point us toward the sperm donor route, in which they would use my eggs with another man’s sperm. However, that is something we do not feel comfortable pursuing.

Now, we are looking to explore the world of adoption. There are countless options: traditional adoption, foster to adopt, and something called embryo adoption. Because my body is healthy, we are currently exploring the world of embryo adoption.

Emotionally speaking, this has been a lot to process in just a few months. Our first infertility appointment was in June. We found out that we would never have biological children in November. The time, energy, and driving we have put in these last six months have felt like a part-time job. Also, I, specifically, have gone through a wide range of emotions. Ben has had a tear-stained shoulder for months now. I have ranged from being hopeful to disappointed and angry. It has been incredibly frustrating watching my friends get pregnant without trying and for free!

Meanwhile, we will never have the opportunity. We will likely be paying thousands of dollars for the chance at having children. So, I’ll be honest, it is tough to be asked why we don’t have kids. It has been much easier emotionally to brush it off as something we are not interested in than to break down crying every time someone asks.

Lately, once receiving the official news, I have been incredibly sad and depressed. It is a tough reality to sit with, knowing we will never get the opportunity that most couples just assume they will have.

This has been a growing experience on many fronts. Although Ben and I have both gone through the grieving process in our own ways, this is not something that has drawn us apart. At no point have I been angry at Ben or even God for how he made Ben’s body. Instead, this trial has made us much stronger as a couple and reliant on Christ’s sufficiency. As Christ-followers, we know we are not guaranteed a happy, go-lucky life on this earth. Being a Christ-follower is challenging and hard. It would have been much easier and less expensive to pursue a sperm donor. But we know that is not in line with biblical values. Therefore, that is why it is not an option for us.

So, we know God has a plan in store for us, and we trust that he will grow our family. However, it may not be in the way that we had initially hoped. Likely, growing our family will involve adoption, in whatever form God chooses for us. Just as we are all adopted into Christ’s family, we are also looking forward to exemplifying that concept in our growing family (Eph 1:5).

I’m sure the sadness will hit me every once in a while, but I’m really thankful for a church that focuses on eternity, not the trials of life on this earth. Because of that perspective, I trust that God is orchestrating our life and growing our family in a way that glorifies him. I’m learning to trust that process. I recently finished a book called Heaven by Randy Alcorn. It makes me so hopeful for an eternity spent with our creator. Keeping that perspective has provided us with so much hope during this trying time.

Because we love you and are thankful for you, we wanted to give you a snapshot of what is really going on in our lives. We felt doing so in an email format was the most favorable. Of course, feel free to respond directly to me via email. However, to be honest, I am not emotionally prepared or equipped to handle talking on the phone. It is still very raw, and I prefer to process this alone and with Ben. We hope you can respect this while still feeling loved and included. We would, of course, greatly appreciate your prayers as we embark on this adoption process. We wish you a lovely Thanksgiving weekend.

Love, Megan and Ben

Christian Mingle for babies: November 2019–January 2020

Although the heartache was real, we had a little glimmer of hope. Before the official results came in, Ben had encouraged me to do embryo adoption research, just in case. Because of this, we had a phone call meeting set up with a potential embryo donor for early December.

Essentially, we went on Christian Mingle, but for embabies. I prefer saying embabies instead of embryos. Ben and I met on Christian Mingle, so it was weird that I found my husband and my future babies online. It makes me grateful to have been born on this side of the internet. Within a week of putting up our profile, we were in communication with our potential embaby donor.

Fortunately, it was a great match! We both had a peaceful gut feeling about moving forward, and so we did. About six weeks after that phone conver...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Abbreviations List
• Introduction
• Coffee Date 1
• Coffee Date 2
• Coffee Date 3
• Coffee Date 4
• Coffee Date 5
• Coffee Date 6
• Coffee Date 7
• Coffee Date 8
• Coffee Date 9
• Coffee Date 10
• Coffee Date 11
• Summary
• Conversation With Other Infertile Couples
• Bibliography