1
Youâre not even born yet, but if I donât set this down, Iâm afraid that Iâll forget exactly how it was. Ma had her recipe book, but youâre going to have your own history written plain and clear.
Baby, I want you to understand some things about the people you came from, how they fought and struggled so that you could be alive and here and with me. The world is going to be different by the time youâre grown up in it, and for that I can only be grateful.
It was bad. And the War was only the beginning.
After it ended, and Renard built his wall between the North and South, the wind still blew the sicknesses from above. And it wasnât like bird flu or Ebola or the plague or something where you knew how it worked, even if it was terrible. The viruses took everyone differently. The worst were the brain viruses, because there wasnât a whole lot you could tell from the outside: no peeling flesh or blackened toes. Mama â thatâs your grandma Ruth, and donât you forget her â said it was like they were burrowing into the soft meat and chewing through the wiring that made us kind to one another. The men always had it the worst, because they had more juices to turn sour. Testosterone makes you brave and adventurous, but when the worms get in it also makes you want to rip other creatures limb from limb.
We learnt that the hard way.
So when the wind blew, Ma and I would camp in the sitting room and tell each other stories to pass the time. Ma was real keen on passing on her baby-birthing know-how, but sometimes she also told me bits of her life. The details would change between tellings, and sheâd get to a point Iâd recognize and then change tack completely so I could never tell what was true and what was wishing.
Baby, there are times when you can feel change coming. I mean, actually feel it, like history is being made and youâre right in the middle of it. My moment like that came when I first saw your daddy. I felt something when I looked him in the eyes that wasnât romance and moonlight, but some other thing, unpretty as a weed, and just as tough. Love can be like that.
That was my first moment. The next one came not long after that, when heâd gone away and left us. He said heâd be back. The rest of us from the ghost colony â Ma and me, but also Sam and Pete and a whole bunch of the other Southern survivors â were resting against a rock face on the bank of the North Platte, trying to keep the brewing storm at our backs, deciding what to do next now that weâd arrived. I was tired, baby, in a way that I hope you will never be. Itâs not only about the body, and one day youâll understand that too. A person on a horse gets just as tired from looking back over their shoulder, and I was, for sure, worn down with sorrow and with hoping that Dyce would show. I remember the white lightning in the distance, and how it made the horses restless. They were just as hungry and frightened as we all were, and they were tiptoeing on their hooves that had gone soft as rubber from the time spent wading in the water.
That lightning gave me another moment. It showed us the Northern border wall, and the strange orange of electric street lights beyond it, and after that the glow of high-rise apartment blocks, now and again hidden by sheets of water. Baby, none of it seemed real. It was like looking across onto another planet, or back through time to how things once were.
We were really going to cross into the North! It was unbelievable. It made everything I knew seem wrong. The Wall had always been part of us. When Renard had set up the concrete and the border guards after the War, he had in mind to stop anyone crossing one way or the other. He knew that it would strangle the South. And it worked. We got poorer. And angrier.
But it was the winds that killed most people. We were trapped in the heart of the South, hiding and watching as people took ill and wasted away. No two corpses that I ever saw died from the same disease. You could tell by the way the eyes bulged or sank, were milky or bloodshot, the red trickling like jewelry down to their ears.
For a long time those winds, loaded with their viruses, whittled us down. Millions of people died, I guess. Our immune systems were weak â but there was something else too. You have to want to survive. Thatâs the most important thing. You have to believe there is a future you want to be in. Not everyone does.
Some folk headed for the coast, hoping to find boats to take them across the Pacific or the Atlantic: anywhere, like the slave ships all those years ago, but going the other way. Dyceâs brother Garrett â your uncle Garrett, he would have been, and your aunt Bethie too â had that grand plan. But the thing was, the sea air was worse. It was wet, and so it actually nurtured the viruses, kept them living for longer, suspended in the air like poisonous pollen. It wasnât fair.
But if Dyce had made it to the coast with Garrett, he would have died before we had even met, and then you wouldnât have happened. It was fate that your parents met in that world carved down to the bone. Do you believe that, baby? Fate that two people, so different, could fall in love in a time when love was a useless thing?
But love always leads somewhere else.
Now your daddy, Dyce, was only alive because of the hard work his daddy did. Your grandpa was no fool: he saw what was coming, clear as day, and when their mama died, he got to spending a whole lot of time teaching his boys survival. Just like the scouts. No one survived by chance, do you understand what Iâm saying? We were there and we were there for a reason, and that reason is you. There were the books and there was the teaching â same as what Iâm doing here, writing all of this down for you. We canât ever forget. We are our stories, and when youâre all grown, maybe youâll have a better handle on what I mean by that, but in the meantime, letâs go back a bit. Thereâs something real important about this part.
When I first met him, your daddy had caught a terrible virus, which made him blind and weak, like an old-time vampire in the daylight. I carried him â carried him â and I cared for him when I got him to a cabin we found. Belonged to an old guy named Felix. (You know what, baby? The Weathermanâll probably still be around when youâre grown. Heâs like a piece of beef jerky. Tell him I say hi.)
It turned out that I had got myself into more trouble than I knew. Dyce and his brother Garrett were trying to outrun some folk who fancied themselves lawmakers. The Callahans. Maybe theyâd been lawmen once upon a time; now the laws were whatever they figured might serve them best. I saved Dyceâs skinny ass that day.
We all decided to travel together, your grandmama too, and we ended up in the ghost colony, a lazaretto where the sick were gathered to die. Except that here at Horse Head they seemed pretty healthy. Mama got right in there and started organizing everyone, and we found out â guilt makes you lucky â that a lot of viruses had opposite numbers. It sounds weird, but it makes sense: hair of the dog. The alchemists used to think it, and those guys believed in mathematics. You could, in theory, find someone who was living with the cure for your disease in their own body. Sometimes, when the viruses combined in the right way, you could heal yourself. A bit like falling in love.
Because another thing happened at Horse Head too. When you spend a lot of time with a person, you get to know them. They can rub you up the wrong way, like me and your grandma, or it can turn the other way. As your daddy got healthy, he grew on me, baby. It was those eyes. He had the longest, darkest eyelashes, and one day he kissed me until I cried.
We set out to find a life for ourselves â and to lead the Callahans away from the good folk of that colony whoâd taken us in. We found ourselves in the bowels of a town called the Mouth. We had heard it was the Promised Land: no one was sick there.
Instead, we found ourselves hunted deep under the earth and into the old mines where they were growing medicine mushrooms. But, baby, these mushrooms were different. They grew from the corpses of men and women who were being sacrificed. Can you believe that? We saw things there and after that turn a person bitter. But youâve got to fight against the bitterness. What else is there?
Dyce saved us that time: he could see in the dark. And we took some of those mushrooms with us when we got out, baby. We packed them up like a picnic and took them back to Ma, to Horse Head, and la-la, happy ending, we survived the winds that should have ended the South. We lived because he and I met and were kind to one another.
But thereâs never an ending, not as long as thereâs someone there to tell it, and we had no idea what was in store for us beyond the Wall. Whether weâd be shot dead as we climbed out of that river, North-side, we didnât know.
I got the rest of the story that afternoon, curled up and resting against the rock, when Ma finally told me her side. She was a hard woman, your grandma Ruth, but I guess she thought she owed me. Besides, we never knew just how it was going to pan out: every time we said goodbye might have been for keeps. So that day she spoke for a long time about her life before Renard, back in South Africa, about how sheâd escaped apartheid with her man, Wilson, who ended up sacrificing himself so that she could get on the last boat they let dock at Ellis Island. And she always kept her book of remedies with her. Youâll know it, baby: itâs the one with the pages that are swollen and warped, because theyâre packed with writing, along with all her seeds and dried cuttings and petals.
But that recipe book was all your grandma had. She was alone and foreign in a country where black people werenât high on the list. Renard sure wasnât the first president to have some funny ideas about the equality of human beings; being from South Africa prepared her.
And she was a smart cookie, your grandma Ruth. She found work in a hospital and then trained as a nurse, and when she wasnât emptying bedpans and holding dying hands, she was adding to her recipe book. Adding American herbs and recipes to her African ones, trying â and often failing â to match local ingredients to the ones back home so that her past and her present sat side by side. And being in the hospital helped: they werenât as careful with the dispensary keys back then.
One day she met the man himself â Didier Renard. You know what she told me, baby? She said he wasnât the monster then that he is now. He seemed so ordinary â sympathetic, even, and of course a brilliant doctor. But he was also a cheater, and they had an affair. She was flattered, she said, though at least she looked ashamed when she told me. His wife was blown up in a bomb, you know that? His people say now thatâs what turned him bad. But it takes more than that, baby. We all have to decide what to forgive and what to forget.
After she told me all that, we hugged for the first time in forever. I remember the hot iron smell of the horses, the rain stinging our faces and the thunder vibrating in my chest. Soon our little gang of Southern survivors would get back up on those poor, tired horses, and then we would wade into the Platte and try to find an entrance point in the barbed wire and the concrete. The same water that was rushing toward us now came from up North. It was right there. Surely we could pass over.
But that wasnât the whole story, or even the end of my part. That was only the bit that I knew then.
2
There were dead bodies caught in the barbed wire under that churning brown water, Ruth knew, but the only person she cared about was Vida. Through the pelting rain she was sure she could see her daughter from here â trapped near the other side of the river.
It was Vida. It had to be.
Ruth breathed. Everything hurt. The burning in her bony chest wouldnât go away, but she sucked in as much air as she could. That burn meant her bruised lungs were still working, and it meant that she had a chance to save her daughter â and she would, by God, busted rib or no busted rib.
She screwed up her eyes. The body on the far side of the North Platte rolled and bobbed, helpless under the churning floodwaters, a dark shape riding the current.
âVida!â Ruth screamed, but the storm stole her voice.
Someone was trying to hold her back, to keep her from wading into the water again, but she pulled loose from their grip, driven by the red maternal urge. She staggered forward, one step, then another, and now the river was all around her. In she went: deeper, and deeper still, like a baptism, and then the chill stink of the water was rising to her neck.
Ruth felt her feet freed from the riverbed as she was upended, and the branches of the smashed cottonwoods â old growth, too hard to bend â caught and tore at her arms as they rushed on with the floodwater. She tried a few strokes, but she was too slow and the current was too strong. Of course it was! Her exhausted limbs against the might of the Hundred-Year Storm. When it took her along with the jumbled mess of horses and branches and bodies, she let it. She felt the air rushing from her lungs.
She fought against blacking out, replacing the panic with insistent pictures like an old-time movie reel: Vida, tiny and bloodied and screaming, newborn in the back of a rusted minivan, the one place that Ruth had felt safe after her escape from Renard and the North.
Then Vida at ten, fierce and chubby-cheeked, checking her traps or bagging the last of the locust swarms, chasing them with a pillowcase that loomed white against her skin.
And then a couple of months ago, from her sweaty sickbed cocoon, Ruth watching her grown daughter set off on her daily foraging round, her hair braided like a warriorâs. The everlasting satchel was slung over her shoulder, and her legs were long and strong with muscle. That time she had come back with Dyce and his brother Garrett, and things had never been the same after that.
But she always came back, didnât she? She couldnât be dead.
Ruth wiped her eyes, coughing out a mouthful of cold water that tried to choke her. Surely that shape â right there, within reach â was Vida. She felt it. Let it be her, Ruth told the universe. Please let that be my child. Let her live. She was no stranger to begging. Before she had met the people from the ghost colony and found the Resistance, Ruth was long used to praying and bargaining away everything she could think of â her house, her beloved recipe book, her memories, her life â to the bored and faceless gods.
The reply now was the same: only the water that roiled and pounded in her ears, and the knowledge that God helped those who were quick enough to help themselves.
3
Kurt Callahan, thin with teenage hunger, lifted himself out of the foaming water of the North Platte and heaved himself, panting, onto the lip of a concrete pylon that had once supported the railway bridge. There was just enough room around the pillar for him to keep out of the floodwater that surged and sucked at his ankles. He could feel his toes, wrinkled like prunes, inside ...