Don't say "Everything happens for a reason"

What patients and caregivers want friends to know about helping them through the horrors of cancer

Keith T. Hardeman

• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Year: 2023
• Print ISBN: 9781977262608
• eBook ISBN: 9781977264893
• Topic: Medicine
• Subtopic: Oncology

"My friend has cancer. What can I do to best help them?" A cancer diagnosis of a friend, acquaintance, or co-worker will often leave us wondering about the most appropriate things to say to someone suffering from this dreadful disease. In general, cancer fighters much prefer aid and comfort during their agonizing treatment over being subjected to empty clichés and annoyingly dismissive "you need to stay positive" lectures. Keith Hardeman's, "Don't say 'Everything happens for a reason'" is an easy-to-read, how-to guide that provides constructive, no-nonsense lessons on empathy, communication, and practical help for anyone wishing to support their friends coping with cancer.

"This book is for those who experience the shock of learning about a friend's cancer diagnosis and don't quite know what to do or say to help them. Keith Hardeman, a caregiver during his wife's trauma with breast cancer, enlightens us with credible guidance on the dos and don'ts of supporting a friend with cancer. He offers his readers insightful, concrete advice for helping members of the cancer community along with suggestions for effective communication strategies. You want to help your cancer friend in the best way possible? Read this book!"

-Dr. Barri L. Bumgarner, author of "Fifty cents for a Dr Pepper"

"We all want to help a friend or acquaintance fighting cancer. To do so, effectively, it's important to understand the perspectives of those who have already 'been there and done that.' For better or worse, being a cancer caregiver has taught Professor Hardeman many lessons about how to help cancer friends that he shares in this book. It is written with understanding, compassion, and is rich with sage advice."

-Dr. Robert Cowles, Professor Emeritus, Westminster College

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• Preface
• Lesson 1 The art of empathy – meeting us in our cancer world
• Lesson 2 Others’ cancer is not about you, but their recovery just might be
• Lesson 3 The perils of toxic positivity
• Lesson 4 When it comes to describing our cancer, avoid clichés like the plague
• Lesson 5 Don’t say “Everything happens for a reason”
• Lesson 6 Cancer fighters don’t need (or want) unsolicited medical advice
• Lesson 7 The pragmatics of helping your friend with cancer
• Lesson 8 Listening – The key to effective communication with cancer fighters
• Lesson 9 When the storm is over
• Conclusion
• Endnotes
• About the Author