Relationship Sabotage

Unconscious Factors that Destroy Couples, Marriages, and Families

William J. Matta

• Publisher: Praeger
• Year: 2006
• Print ISBN: 9780275989217
• eBook ISBN: 9780313064074
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Hidden forces—memories of past poor or hurtful relationships—drive repressed feelings and emotions that are often outside our awareness. Though we want to love and be loved, to nurture and be nurtured, those forces can wreak havoc and cause relationship sabotage, destroying couples and even whole families. The scenario is so common, explains therapist Matta, that often people get divorced without even fully understanding why, or what is was that came between them. In many cases, what it was were the lingering but unconscious memories of lessons learned as far back as childhood. These lessons may have no true bearing or justification in the current relationship, yet they can strongly affect it, fueling marital games, extra-marital affairs, addictions, poor parenting practices and a host of other harmful actions. Matta argues that we can learn to recognize these imprints and move past them to build or keep rewarding relationships. His book makes us aware, and gives us the tools to break the cycle.

Table of contents

• CONTENTS
• Foreword
• Acknowledgments
• Preface
• 1. What People Bring to Counseling Is Often Not the Real Problem
• 2. The Unconscious Mind—Friend or Foe?
• 3. The Mixture of Unconscious Forces and Childhood Wounds Can Be Lethal to a Marriage
• 4. Your Family Problems May Have Started Back in Medieval Times
• 5. Unconscious Forces Can Destroy Not Only Relationships, but Whole Families
• 6. People Who Feel Divorced but Are Still Married
• 7. Games People Play in Relationships
• 8. Organizing Problem-Solving Conversations
• 9. Extramarital Affairs—Silence, Secrets, and Self-Disclosure
• 10. Addictions—A Vain Attempt to Make Us Feel Whole
• 11. Our Nervous Systems and Relational Problems
• 12. Emotional Detachment—The Ultimate Relational Destroyer
• 13. So What Now?
• Notes
• Index
• About the Author and Contributors