The Broken Few

Mariss Ijaz

• Publisher: Cherish Editions
• Year: 2024
• eBook ISBN: 9781916920613
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Social Science Biographies
• Index: Literature

This collection of poetry and prose focuses on topics within mental health, family issues and the journey to recovery. It will inspire and spread awareness to help readers know that they are not alone.

Table of contents

• FRONT COVER
• HALF-TITLE PAGE
• TITLE PAGE
• COPYRIGHT PAGE
• DISCLAIMER FROM THE AUTHOR
• A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
• DEDICATION
• TABLE OF CONTENTS
• some days, I wake up feeling nothing at all
• I pray that one day he leaves
• my eyes distort the image of the world
• diary entry from 2017
• If you felt even a fraction of the pain you made me feel that day
• although the voices in my head drive me to insanity
• I was abruptly chucked into existence by the hands of the surgeons
• just because someone’s battle scars are self-inflicted
• I begin to wonder if my mere presence on this earth means anything to anyone
• I think the best way to explain anxiety to someone who doesn’t have it is this
• please don’t ask me why my mood changes so quickly
• my abandonment issues have become so extreme
• I was at the edge of a cliff
• I was nothing
• I know my demons are evil
• I offered you the world
• those rare moments where I feel a glimpse of the old me returning
• no one knows how close I was that night
• I am desperately trying to kill the part of me that wants to give up
• Is my pain well hidden
• you told me to fight until the end
• I am being watched by everyone but my guardian angels
• logic has no home in a deranged mind
• call me beautiful again
• a father’s emotional absence will make his physical presence lose all its value
• you stabbed me with a knife
• there are so many untold stories behind my smile
• I either feel nothing at all
• and just like that
• I knocked on the devil’s door
• I have too much of a beautiful heart to wish for it to stop breathing
• your silence told me more than your words ever did
• that’s the thing about being a borderline
• you have no idea how exhausting it is
• your scent latched on to my body long after you held me
• I realised how cruel the world was when it kept spinning even after I begged it to stop
• I’m not entirely sure if I’m suicidal or not
• I wanted to go back to who I was
• I am the entire depths of the ocean
• If you had seen the things I have seen
• the time between sunset and sunrise feels like years
• I am slowly starting to realise
• seeing shadows and hearing voices
• my biggest insecurities taught me to love myself more than the pretty parts of me did
• the wave of shame, embarrassment and guilt
• I am starting to think that the only way I will ever see the stars shine again
• and as we were gazing into each other’s eyes
• I refuse to be the reason another poisoned fruit grows on my family tree
• in another universe we met again
• they say feelings come in waves
• my biggest mistake was giving him so much love
• how foolish of me to blame myself for your inability to love me like I deserved
• I could do nothing but sit back
• the paralysing anxiety and fear of people leaving
• It’s like you are at the highest of the highs
• I want you to take a moment to imagine
• how selfish of you to make me feel guilty for the way my sadness makes you feel
• and even the devil trembled
• thank you for not loving me enough to stay
• thank you for taking care of my inner child
• I am homeless
• I am desperately clinging on to the scattered ruins of my broken home
• and when her new love places his arms
• I am a puppet with a million strings attached to me
• my brain is a jigsaw puzzle
• I don’t think people understand how distressing it is
• the childlike innocence in me
• an old lady walked past me on the street
• I broke my favourite CD player out of unspeakable rage and pure anger
• I am starting to think that I am a person
• I want so badly to get better again
• your presence does to me what rain does to flowers
• and later that night
• I held serenity in my hands for a precious few moments
• I used to get burned by sparks
• my mind can’t handle the pain of this world
• I promise you I can hate just as strongly as I love
• no one will ever understand the strength it takes to choose to stay alive
• your soul was too pure for this cruel world
• hug me until my heart wants to beat again
• my therapist showed me a pretty little porcelain doll
• It is as if I am velcro and anybody who shows me an ounce of affection is polyester
• anxiety is the leak that bleeds over everything that gives me peace until there is nothing left
• I would give anything in this world to feel genuine happiness again
• If you leave me
• I refuse to give a man the power of feeling like he is my everything
• you must have healing hands
• In the end my razors and prescription pills
• the sun will rise again
• how foolish of me to beg you to stop
• having a family
• I could do nothing but sit back and watch
• you make me want to keep fighting for a little longer
• my hollow body is the grave of the person I used to be
• In these past two weeks I have gone through more emotions than most people do in a lifetime
• my birth is proof that sometimes even God makes errors
• my mother asks me how
• It is taking every bit of self-control and strength I have
• and just like that it was no longer you
• I held all of you down and supported you at your worst
• I am mourning the loss of who I used to be
• I was so sure that the world ended last night
• a twisted part of me sometimes wishes you had caused me physical damage
• the tiny part of me that wants to live must have the strength to share the heavens
• my heart was carelessly chucked into the overflowing suitcase that is my fragile body
• you are going to be okay, my love
• if there is one thing being at my lowest taught me
• when you have been stuck in a drought your whole life
• “never settle”
• the irony of feeling emptiness is that it is the heaviest emotion I have ever felt
• I feel as lifeless as the autumn leaves
• we all feel alone together
• fuck all of you for stealing my heart from me and then making me feel guilty for not having one
• the red lines on my body say more about how much pain I feel than my words ever could
• our hearts are growing tired
• you see the pretty colourful canva
• they say home is where the heart is
• the caged bird knows how to fly
• I scream and remain unheard
• they noticed faint cuts on my wrists not long ago
• you tell people sadness is comforting
• in another world
• I can’t kill myself
• diary entry from July 2022
• this is not the type of pain that feels like the comfort
• poetry is in my blood and veins and even I cannot find the words
• I had a dream I didn’t wake up
• waking up from my suicide attempt felt so surreal
• I want to crush your bones until they are nothing but dust
• the problem is that you think a bandage is enough to heal an internal bleed
• lately I have been feeling a little more like who I was
• perhaps the universe aches for some people to be together
• we are dangerously starved of fatherly love
• I was a porcelain doll
• I am sorry that I am so fragile and breakable
• I was born fragile
• my inner child is screaming and crying right now
• I know it’s for the best that you’ve outgrown
• I was fifteen years old (conclusion)
• ABOUT CHERISH EDITIONS
• ABOUT SHAWMIND