Healing a Child's Grieving Heart

100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends and Caregivers

Alan D Wolfelt, Alan Wolfelt

• Publisher: Companion Press
• eBook ISBN:
  9781617220401
• Year: 2001

A compassionate resource for friends, parents, relatives, teachers, volunteers, and caregivers, this series offers suggestions to help the grieving cope with the loss of a loved one. Often people do not know what to say—or what not to say—to someone they know who is mourning; this series teaches that the most important thing a person can do is listen, have compassion, be there for support, and do something helpful. This volume addresses what to expect from grieving young people, and how to provide safe outlets for children to express emotion. Included in each book are tested, sensitive ideas for "carpe diem" actions that people can take right this minute—while still remaining supportive and honoring the mourner's loss.

Table of contents

• Also by Alan Wolfelt:
• Dedication
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Table of Contents
• Introduction
• 1. - Understand the difference between grief and mourning.
• 2. - Observe that kids mourn more through behaviors than words.
• 3. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 4. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 5. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 6. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 7. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 8. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 9. - Include the child in planning and carrying out the funeral.
• 10. - Help the child choose a keepsake.
• 11. - Give the child permission to find comfort in “linking objects.”
• 12. - Consider the child’s relationship to the person who died.
• 13. - If a child’s parent has died, consider this:
• 14. - If a child’s sibling has died, consider this:
• 15. - If a child’s grandparent has died, consider this:
• 16. - If a child’s friend has died, consider this:
• 17. - Consider the nature of the death.
• 18. - Let this unique child mourn in her own way.
• 19. - Consider the age of the child.
• 20. - If the child is a girl, consider this:
• 21. - If the child is a boy, consider this:
• 22. - Identify same-gender adult helpers for the child.
• 23. - Think about the child’s cultural or ethnic background.
• 24.
• 25. - Feed the child’s spirit.
• 26. - Teach the child to pray.
• 27. - Talk with the child about heaven.
• 28. - Think about other losses this child is facing.
• 29. - Give the gift of presence.
• 30. - Surround the child with love and acceptance.
• 31. - Hug the child.
• 32. - Encourage the child to cry.
• 33. - Be a model mourner.
• 34. - Visit the cemetery with the child.
• 35. - Encourage the child to talk about the person who died.
• 36. - Take the child to your “mourning place.”
• 37. - Use the name of the person who died.
• 38. - Imagine what the person who died would do or say.
• 39. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she seems to feel numb...
• 40. - Let this child feel what he feels. If he seems to be acting babyish...
• 41. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she seems to feel scared ...
• 42. - Let this child feel what he feels. If he seems to feel angry...
• 43. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she seems to be acting too grown up...
• 44. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she’s behaving badly ...
• 45. - Let this child feel what he feels. If he seems to feel like he’s to blame...
• 46. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she seems to feel relieved...
• 47. - Let this child feel what he feels. If he seems to feel very sad...
• 48. - Let this child feel what she feels. If she seems to be happy ...
• 49. - If the child’s body hurts, consider this:
• 50. - Don’t fall back on euphemisms.
• 51. - DO say this:
• 52. - Spend a special day together.
• 53. - Find a local support group for grieving kids.
• 54. - Have the child talk to a counselor.
• 55. - Watch for warning signs.
• 56. - Help the child’s family mourn.
• 57. - Help the child at school.
• 58. - Ease the child’s relationships with her peers.
• 59. - Be the child’s advocate.
• 60. - Help the child make a memory book.
• 61. - Help the child pack a memory box.
• 62. - Encourage the child to write down her feelings.
• 63. - Send the child a card or letter.
• 64. - Send the child a care package.
• 65. - Frame the person who died.
• 66. - Be artists together.
• 67. - Plant a garden together.
• 68. - Listen to music together.
• 69. - Play a quiet game together.
• 70. - Play an active game together.
• 71. - Play outside together.
• 72. - Explore nature together.
• 73. - Surf the Web together.
• 74. - Cook something together.
• 75. - Do a project together.
• 76. - Enter a contest together.
• 77. - Do something “old-fashioned” together.
• 78. - Start and build a collection together.
• 79. - Play dress-up together.
• 80. - Decorate the child’s room together.
• 81. - Stay up late together.
• 82. - Laugh together.
• 83. - Teach the child something new.
• 84. - Take the child someplace new.
• 85. - Volunteer with the child.
• 86. - Conspire to help someone else.
• 87. - Let the child alone.
• 88. - Love the other children/people in your life.
• 89. - Tell the child a story.
• 90. - Be compassionate.
• 91. - Be genuine.
• 92. - Be spontaneous.
• 93. - Be silly.
• 94. - Be there on special days and occasions.
• 95. - Plan a ceremony with the child.
• 96. - Be prepared for “griefbursts.”
• 97. - Don’t set a timetable for the child’s grief.
• 98. - Understand that children don’t “get over” grief.
• 99. - Support and love this child for years to come.
• 100. - Believe in the child’s capacity to heal.
• A Final Word
• The Grieving Child’s Bill of Rights - (Please share this with a grieving child you care about.)
• Send us your ideas for Healing A Child’s Grieving Heart!
• Also By Dr. Alan Wolfelt