Would I Lie To You? Presents The 100 Most Popular Lies of All Time

Would I Lie To You?, Peter Holmes, Ben Caudell, Saul Wordsworth

• Publisher: Faber & Faber
• eBook ISBN:
  9780571325177
• Year: 2015

The cheque's in the post. I'm still at the office. That looks great on you. Lies make the world go round. And in this book the Would I Lie To You? team celebrates the fine art of the everyday fib.

Like the deliriously funny contributions of Rob Brydon, Lee Mack and David Mitchell in the hugely successful panel game, here is a delightful collection of 100 fibs that all of us can recognise. Lies like: I didn't even notice she was pretty; I'm working from home tomorrow; and wow, your tattoo looks really... interesting. Written in the same warm, witty and inspired tone that's made the TV show such a hit, the book uncovers the little deceptions that strike a chord with all of us. There are the lies we tell others, the lies people tell us and the lies we tell ourselves. Each entry in the book is laugh-out-loud funny, and filled with more than a little bit of painful truth.

If you're a fan of the show, a lover of spot-on observational comedy, or have ever told a porky, Would I Lie To You? Presents the 100 Most Popular Lies of All Time is the book you've been waiting for.

Table of contents

• Cover
• Landing Page
• Title Page
• Contents
• Introduction
• Introduction from Rob Brydon
• Introduction from David Mitchell
• Introduction from Lee Mack
• Lie 1: “I am away for two weeks with NO access to email.”
• Lie 2: “My alcohol intake is about eleven units a week.”
• Lie 3: Lies to watch out from … Plumbers
• Lie 4: x (Kiss)
• It’s very common on text and email to sign off with an x for a kiss.
• Lie 5: “We really must go for a drink sometime.”
• Lie 6: “I have read the terms and conditions.”
• Lie 7: “You don’t look your age.”
• Lie 8: “This is a thought good enough to tweet.”
• Lie 9: Butler lies
• Lie 10: “Wow, your new tattoo looks really … interesting!”
• Do any of you have a tattoo?
• Lie 11: “Honestly, he’s fine. I love dogs.”
• Lie 12: “I’ll miss you.”
• Lie 13: “I could have been a pro footballer, if it wasn’t for my dodgy knee.”
• Lie 14: “I’m not sure I’m well enough to go to school.”
• When is it OK to lie?
• Lie 15: “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache.”
• Lie 16: “I’m not being …”
• Lie 17: “Sorry, I don’t have any change on me.”
• Lie 18: “I’m working from home tomorrow.”
• As comedy writers you are legitimately allowed to work from home.
• Lie 19: “Of course I’ve read Ulysses.”
• Lie 20: “It’s research.”
• Lie 21: “I have no idea why my laptop isn’t working.”
• Lie 22: “That smell – it wasn’t me!”
• Lie 23: “My salary at my previous job was …”
• Lie 24: “No, I don’t smoke.”
• Have you ever lied to your doctor?
• Lie 25: “I’m going to start jogging … tomorrow.”
• Lie 26: “I’m well, thanks.”
• Lie 27: “The cheque’s in the post.”
• Lie 28: “Your food doesn’t have to be served on a plate.”
• When filming Would I Lie To You? how easy do you find it to turn over a card you’ve genuinely never seen before and tell a lie?
• Lie 29: “You have won the Nigerian lottery!”
• Lie 30: “I’m five minutes away!”
• Lie 31: Lies to watch out for from … Pop Stars
• Lie 32: “Sorry.”
• Lie 33: “Just one more episode and then I’m off to bed.”
• Do you ever find yourself in that situation where you watch a show with your wife or partner?
• Lie 34: “Doesn’t the bride look beautiful!”
• Lie 35: “I’ve left my wallet at home.”
• Lie 36: “Another winner!” – David Manning, The Ridgefield Press. And other movie quote lies
• Lie 37: “Come on in, it’s not cold!”
• Lie 38: “It’s Friday afternoon, let’s do this meeting in the pub. I honestly think we’ll get more done over a beer.”
• Lie 39: “Giving birth really isn’t as bad as people say it is.”
• Do you think there is an unspoken contract between women that they will never tell another woman how painful giving birth really is?
• Lie 40: “It wasn’t me.”
• Lie 41: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
• Lie 42: “I’ll take a look at the dessert menu.”
• Lie 43: “I think Citizen Kane is the greatest movie ever made.”
• Lie 44: “Have a nice day.”
• Lie 45: “What a beautiful baby!”
• On seeing a new baby people will always say, ‘Oh, isn’t he or she beautiful!’
• Lie 46: “I haven’t revised.”
• Lie 47: “I’m going to get Sky TV for Sky Arts.”
• Lie 48: “I’m still at the office.”
• Lie 49: “We’ll finish your bathroom on Monday.”
• Lie 50: “I’ll just do the washing-up and then I can start my dissertation.”
• Lie 51: Interests: travel, cinema and socialising
• Have any of you ever lied about your interests on a CV?
• Lie 52: “I was going to say that!”
• Lie 53: “I’m definitely not stalking you!”
• Lie 54: “I’ve got a hospital appointment.”
• Lie 55: “I really need this new phone.”
• Lie 56: “I love both my children equally and don’t have a favourite.”
• Lie 57: Lies to watch out for from … Estate Agents
• Are there any particular group of people you associate with telling lies?
• Lie 58: “I’m not too old to be in here.”
• Lie 59: “I didn’t get the message.”
• Lie 60: “I didn’t have that much to drink.”
• Lie 61: The Coffee Shop lie
• Lie 62: “That looks really great on you.”
• Do you chaps enjoy clothes shopping?
• Lie 63: “It’s not you, it’s me.”
• Lie 64: “I’m not addicted to social media.”
• Lie 65: “Exciting new concept coming soon.”
• Lie 66: Lies to watch out for from … Couples wanting to get married
• Lie 67: “Excuse me, I need the loo.”
• Lie 68: “I’m six foot” and other online dating lies
• If you weren’t happily married men, do you think you would ever consider online dating?
• Lie 69: “Would I lie to you?”
• Lie 70: “I’m sorry, but someone’s actually sitting there.”
• Lie 71: “I’ve lost my phone.”
• Lie 72: “I got you a voucher so that you can get yourself something you really want.”
• Lie 73: “We don’t watch TV.”
• Do you ever meet people who claim that they don’t watch TV?
• Lie 74: “Yes, everything was fine thanks.”
• Lie 75: “My lips are sealed.”
• Lie 76: Till death us do part
• Lie 77: Lies to watch out for from … Luvvies
• Lie 78: “You were great!”
• Lie 79: Laughing at unfunny jokes
• Lie 80: “The dog ate my homework.”
• When you were at school, did any of you ever tell the classic lie, ‘The dog ate my homework’?
• Lie 81: The act of not responding to emails
• Lie 82: Lies to watch out for from … Football Managers
• Lie 83: “You’ll like it when you get there.”
• Lie 84: “Sorry, I’d love to stop, but I’m in a hurry.”
• Do you ever lie to charity collectors in the street, or make up excuses for why you can’t stop and talk to them?
• Lie 85: “She’s like a sister to me.”
• Lie 86: The art gallery lie  (Or: the inability to say what you really think of a picture for fear of sounding like a fool)
• Lie 87: “I don’t know.”
• Lie 88: “I think I would get on really well with Richard Osman if we ever met.”
• Lie 89: “I’m going to leave my wife.”
• Lie 90: “The wine’s great, thanks.”
• When you’re in a restaurant and a wine waiter brings over a bottle and pours some out for you to taste, do any of you know what you’re actually tasting for?
• Lie 91: “I can walk along and look at my phone.”
• Lie 92: “Er – hahahahahahahahahaha – yeah – right!”
• Lie 93: “Merry Christmas!”
• Lie 94: Lies to watch out for from … TV chefs
• Lie 95: “Oh hello … you! How nice to see you again!”
• Do you have a technique for … not remembering people’s names?
• Lie 96: “I have seen a ghost.”
• Lie 97: “I’m just tired.”
• Lie 98: “Trust me.”
• Lie 99: “There are a hundred lies in the Would I Lie To You? book.”
• About the Authors
• Copyright