The Little Book of Bereavement for Schools

Ian Gilbert

• Publisher: Crown House Publishing
• Year: 2010
• Print ISBN: 9781845904647
• eBook ISBN: 9781845906894
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education General

The Little Book of Bereavement for Schools is written by best-selling author Ian Gilbert together with his three children. Is a very personal account of the way educational institutions tried and succeeded, tried and failed and sometimes didn't try at all to help William, Olivia and Phoebe come to terms with the death of their mother.

Contents

Title Page

Foreword

  Introduction

One

As soon as the death is known to the school have a senior  member of staff talk to the immediate classmates about  what has happened. Stamp out any gossip and offer  support for those who may be affected

Two

Send a condolence card and encourage classmates to do the   same. Saying ‘I didn’t know what to do’ and doing  nothing is a form of moral cowardice – and why should  you be let off the hook? No one else knows  what to do either

Three

When the child comes back to school talk to them  (but don’t patronise them). Ask them how they  would like their teachers to act

Four

Teach other children to know what to say and how  to handle things

Five

School can be the place to escape from what is going on at  home (‘Home is home and school is school’). Respect that  wish as much as possible

Six

Grieving is mentally and physically exhausting

Seven

Be tolerant of homework and other work  commitments – evenings may well be spent grieving  and talking, not working. Agree work commitments  with the child, though, and be firm but caring as  you try to ensure they don’t get too far behind (and  thereby add a feeling of failure to their grieving)

Eight

Talk to the spouse if they come to the school. Show them you know and care and are there to help. Don’t just ignore them because you don’t know what to say. That is more  moral cowardice

Nine

Keep on talking to the child and letting them know you  still remember, even just in small ways

Ten

Remember the anniversaries

Eleven

Be aware of areas you may cover in the curriculum that may bring back memories (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, life after death in RE, areas that touch on any  illness such as cancer or mental illness and so on)

Twelve

When another parent dies in the school, make sure you are mindful of other children who have lost parents or indeed any loved one as it will bring many memories back

Thirteen

Learn about helping children to cope with bereavement  from the various agencies out there

Fourteen

Time heals in bereavement as much as it does following an  amputation. It is just what you go through to come to terms with things better

Fifteen

And thank you for taking the time to read this. You can make a terrible situation a bit less stressful  for a grieving family

Resources

Copyright 

Foreword

This is a little book about a big thing. A thing that most adults assume children do not have to experience – the landscape of profound loss and change that we hope will not confront them until adulthood.

I meet bereaved children and young people at St Nicholas Hospice through Nicky’s Way. This is an open access service to bereaved youngsters in our local area of West Suffolk. We also provide consultation and training to schools and other agencies.

The single most important message of the Little Book is the importance of giving your full attention to bereaved children in your school. Don’t think there won’t be bereaved children in your class because there will; you just may not know it. Indeed it is important to remember that for some children, the privacy of their loss is of paramount importance. Ideally, you and your school will know about the death of a parent, grandparent, brother or sister or any other special person to a child in your care. The most important response to a bereaved child is attending to what they say or indicate (through behaviour) as to how they are living with that death and what helps them.

Each child will grieve in a unique way, but knowing about grief and bereavement will help you help them – so please read this and anything else that gives you insight and courage. You will need courage, some knowledge and the backing of your colleagues to support a bereaved child in your class and school, but most of all you will need your humanity, tempered by professional skill.

This personal account gives you clear guidelines that will make a difference as to how a school supports a bereaved child in their midst and I want to thank Ian, William, Olivia and Phoebe for their courage in sharing so much. So be inspired by their courage and be brave and make death and bereavement in your school something that can be acknowledged and talked about. It would be really something if a child in your care could one day say, “When my Mum died, there was a teacher in my school who really helped me”.

Yvonne Holman, Nicky’s Way, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk

Introduction

Of all the books I have written for teachers this one is the most personal. After a long illness, a mental illness (but that’s a whole different book), my wife died on 11 June 2008. We had three children – my youngest daughter was then 9, my eldest daughter was 13 and for my son, t...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Table of Contents
• Foreword
• Introduction
• One
• Two
• Three
• Four
• Five
• Six
• Seven
• Eight
• Nine
• Ten
• Eleven
• Twelve
• Thirteen
• Fourteen
• Fifteen
• Resources
• Copyright