A Practical Guide to NLP

Turn Negatives into Positives

Neil Shah

• Publisher: Icon Books
• Year: 2011
• eBook ISBN: 9781848313255
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Mental Health & Wellbeing

An INTRODUCING PRACTICAL GUIDE to the therapy designed to help people have better, fuller and richer lives – as well as work far more effectively. By focusing on how we communicate – the words we use as well as non-verbal communication such as body language – NLP seeks to change our mental habits into those of more successful people. Whether you're a salesperson needing to close more deals, a teacher who would like to get through to your pupils more quickly, or someone who needs to negotiate between parties – this INTRODUCING PRACTICAL GUIDE is for you.

The Language of Success

8. NLP and language

The language that we use has an impact on the way we think, the way we act and the way we feel, and in turn the way we think, act and feel has an impact on the language that we use. Our words also have an effect on others, as theirs do on us.

Our language defines us from all other inhabitants of planet Earth. We can’t even think without language, at least not in a conscious way. When you experience something enjoyable, you say to yourself, ‘That was amazing’. Or you think of a problem or a challenge and you wonder, ‘Why did this happen to me?’, or ‘How do I get through this?’ Those thoughts clearly occur using language.

Language is therefore an integral part of the process of thought, as well as the way that we interact and communicate with others.

---

Language is much more than a means of communication – it’s also the raw material of thought.

---

How we communicate through language is a key area of NLP. What you say and how you say it affects other people and can influence or persuade them in different ways. You need to listen very clearly to what is being said, to notice the style of phrases and words used by other people.

Style of language often occurs unconsciously, and communication can be enhanced when people use similar styles. Language patterns, known in NLP as meta programs, develop throughout your life. Different life experiences will often change how you use these patterns.

Through the words used, language patterns indicate how people perceive and interpret situations. For example, some people just like to hear the ‘big picture’, whereas others prefer to know all the minute details – these are known as ‘big chunk’ and ‘small chunk’ styles.

We all have set patterns of thought – pre-programmed ways of processing and reacting to events and experiences going on around us. These allow us to quickly come to conclusions regarding our experiences in life without having to consciously process that experience using rational thought.

---

Have you ever been to a party and seen someone who you found extremely attractive? The reason you felt attracted to that individual had nothing to do with them and everything to do with your program. They may have had traits or qualities that you associate with attraction. It could be they reminded you of someone you were deeply in love with, or someone who is a positive role model. This is the reason why many girls are attracted to guys that remind them of their father.

---

The negative aspect is that we may find ourselves constantly being attracted to partners who cheat on us or are unwilling to commit, as every new partner is selected using the same program as for the previous unsuitable partner.

Let’s now look at meta programs in detail, and find out how you can communicate with people more effectively by understanding them.

9. Meta programs

Meta programs are filters through which we perceive the world. When we know which meta programs a person works to in a given situation, we can frame our communication accordingly.

An example of differing meta programs would be how two people might approach an argument. A person with what we call a ‘moving away from’ strategy would be likely to find any way to get away from the conflict. Someone using a ‘moving towards’ strategy would be more likely to head towards a specific goal, perhaps of finding an amicable solution to the conflict. The primary difference between the two is that when you’re moving away from something, you never know what you may back into.

---

Meta programs are unconscious filters that people develop to allow themselves to handle and respond to the high level of information and stimuli that they receive every moment of every day. After all, human beings aren’t computers, thankfully. You can’t process every piece of information that comes at you.

When you change these filters, it can dramatically change how you approach situations and how you perceive the world.

---

Meta programs are patterns of motivation and working. They drive where you put your attention, what you respond to, and what motivates you. They shape how you interact with the people and environment around you. They are your preferred way of thinking and operating. These patterns run behind the scenes, just like computer software – so automatic that you most likely don’t realize they are there.

In order to appreciate the role of meta programs it’s essential that we understand the relationship between perceptions, thoughts and emotions. For example, if our perceptions shape our emotions, what shapes our perceptions? The latest research suggests that they are filtered and re-evaluated according to our previous experiences, beliefs, values and knowledge.

---

A history of meta programs

Meta programs were identified by early NLP developers as some of the habitual patterns of thinking that control how you like to work and what motivates you.

In 1957, the renowned linguist, political activist and philosopher Noam Chomsky proposed that people create their own model of the world by filtering their experiences in three different ways:

• Deletion: Selectively paying attention to certain information experienced through the senses, yet excluding other information.

• Distortion: Altering information that you receive to fit in with your beliefs or preconceived ideas.

• Generalization: Placing an experience in a category or group. For example, saying, ‘I never win anything in the National Lottery’ after buying tickets for a few weeks.

Leslie Cameron-Bandler further developed Chomsky’s work in the 1970s to define particular types of deletions, distortions, and generalizations, which appear in how a person behaves. She identified a number of additional patterns. These became known as meta programs.

Subsequently, Rodger Bailey, a student of Cameron-Bandler’s, further categorized these meta programs into:

• Motivation traits, which are the patterns that drive people to act.

• Working traits, which are the preferences in internal mental processing that people use in particular situations.

---

The ability to understand our own preferences and other people’s can help in building rapport and in communicating more effectively. People with similar language patterns often show similar patterns of behaviour. For meta programs to be effective, you have to use words and phrases appropriate for the other person – saying the right thing, in the right way at the right time.

---

Pinpoint which meta program another person usually adopts, and phrase your communication using the same one. This can help the person hear and understand what you’re saying faster and more effectively. For example, someone who uses a ‘moving away from’ meta program will respond better to a request to get on with their work if you say, ‘Because you won’t have to stay late’, than if you say, ‘Because you can go home early’.

---

Here are some examples of the numerous meta programs:

• General/specific (also known as big chunk/small chunk or detail/global)

• Proactive/reactive

• Moving towards/away from

• Options/procedures

• Internal frame of reference/external frame of reference

• Time orientation: In time/through time.

The following sections cover each of these meta programs in detail, including ways to identify specific patterns and recommended language to communicate more effectively with each pattern.

General/specific pattern

The general/specific meta program pattern determines how people operate at their best, based on what is, for them, the right amount of information. It defines what scope of information they work wit...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• About the author
• Author’s note
• What is NLP, and How Can it Help Me?
• Using NLP to Win Friends and Influence People
• The Language of Success
• Creating a Toolkit
• Integrating Your Learning
• Acknowledgements
• Further reading