You Just Don't Understand

Women and Men in Conversation

Deborah Tannen

• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN: 9780060959623
• eBook ISBN: 9780062210098
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Professional Development
• Index: Psychology

From the author of New York Times bestseller You're Wearing That? this bestselling classic on interpersonal relations draws upon groundbreaking research by an acclaimed sociolinguist to show that women and men live in different worlds, made of different words.

Women and men live in different worlds...made of different words.

Spending nearly four years on the New York Times bestseller list, including eight months at number one, You Just Don't Understand is a true cultural and intellectual phenomenon. This is the book that brought gender differences in communication to the forefront of public awareness. With a rare combination of scientific insight and delightful, humorous writing, Tannen shows why women and men can walk away from the same male-female conversation with completely different impressions of what was said.

Studded with lively and entertaining examples of real conversations, this insightful guide to conversational styles gives you the tools to understand what went wrong—and to find a common language in which to strengthen relationships at work and at home. A classic in the field of sociolinguistics, this book will change forever the way you approach conversations.

The problem often isn't what you're saying—it's that you're speaking different languages without knowing it.

• Rapport-talk vs. Report-talk: Discover why for many women, talk is the glue of a relationship, while for many men, it's for imparting information and preserving independence.
• Cross-Cultural Communication: See how men and women grow up in different worlds of words, leading them to misinterpret each other's intentions even when they care deeply.
• Intimacy vs. Independence: Understand why she feels he's pulling away when he feels she's trying to control him—and how both can be right.
• Finding a Common Language: Move beyond blame with practical tools to decode conversations, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your connections at home and at work.

Table of contents

• Dedication
• Acknowledgments
• Contents
• Preface
• Chapter One: Different Words, Different Worlds
• Chapter Two: Asymmetries: Women and Men Talking at Cross-purposes
• Chapter Three: “Put Down That Paper and Talk to Me!”: Rapport-talk and Report-talk
• Chapter Four: Gossip
• Chapter Five: “I’ll Explain It to You”: Lecturing and Listening
• Chapter Six: Community and Contest: Styles in Conflict
• Chapter Seven: Who’s Interrupting? Issues of Dominance and Control
• Chapter Eight: Damned If You Do
• Chapter Nine: “Look at Me When I’m Talking to You!”: Cross Talk Across the Ages
• Chapter Ten: Living with Asymmetry: Opening Lines of Communication
• Afterword
• Notes
• References
• Index
• About the Author
• Praise for You Just Don’t Understand
• Also by Deborah Tannen
• Copyright
• About the Publisher