On Relationship

Jiddu Krishnamurti

• Publisher: HarperOne
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN: 9780062506085
• eBook ISBN: 9780062311955
• Topic: History
• Subtopic: World History
• Index: History

Colombo, 1 January 1950

IT IS IMPORTANT, before we ask what to do or how to act, to discover what right thinking is, because without right thinking, obviously there cannot be right action. Action according to a pattern, according to a belief, has set man against man. There can be no right thinking as long as there is no self-knowledge, because without self-knowledge, how can one know what one is actually thinking? We do a great deal of thinking, and there is a great deal of activity, but such thought and action produce conflict and antagonism, which we see not only in ourselves, but also about us in the world. So our problem is how to think rightly, which will produce right action, thereby eliminating the conflict and confusion that we find not only in ourselves, but in the world about us.

IF OUR THOUGHT is based on the background that is our conditioning, whatever we think is obviously merely a reaction and therefore leads to further conflict. So before we can find out what right thinking is, we have to know what self-knowledge is. Self-knowledge, surely, is not merely learning a particular kind of thinking. Self-knowledge is not based on ideas, belief, or conclusion. It must be a living thing, otherwise it ceases to be self-knowledge and becomes mere information. There is a difference between information, which is knowledge, and wisdom, which is knowing the processes of our thoughts and feelings. But most of us are caught up in information, superficial knowledge, and so we are incapable of going much deeper into the problem. To discover the whole process of self-knowledge we have to be aware in relationship. Relationship is the only mirror we have, a mirror that will not distort, a mirror in which we can exactly and precisely see our thought unfolding itself. Isolation, which many people seek, is the surreptitious building up of resistance against relationship. Isolation obviously prevents the understanding of relationship, relationship with people, with ideas, with things. As long as we don’t know what the relationship actually is between ourselves and our property, ourselves and people, ourselves and ideas, obviously there must be confusion and conflict.

So we can find out what is right thinking only in relationship. That is, we can discover in relationship how we think from moment to moment, what our reactions are, and thereby proceed step by step to the unfoldment of right thinking. This is not an abstract or difficult thing to do, to watch exactly what is taking place in our relationship, what our reactions are, and thus discover the truth of each thought, each feeling. But if we bring to it an idea or a preconception of what relationship should be, then obviously that prevents the uncovering, the unfoldment of “what is.” That is our difficulty; we have already made up our minds as to what relationship should be. To most of us, relationship is a term for comfort, for gratification, for security, and in that relationship we use property, ideas, and persons for our gratification. We use belief as a means of security. Relationship is not merely a mechanical adjustment. When we use people, it necessitates possession, physical or psychological, and in possessing someone we create all the problems of jealousy, envy, loneliness, and conflict. If we examine it a little more closely and deeply, we will see that using a person or property for gratification is a process of isolation. This process of isolation is not actual relationship at all. So our difficulty and our mounting problems come with the lack of understanding of relationship, which is essentially self-knowledge. If we do not know how we are related to people, to property, to ideas, then our relationship will inevitably bring about conflict. That is our whole problem at the present time, is it not?—relationship not only between people, but between groups of people, between nations, between ideologies, either of the left or of the right, religious or secular. Therefore, it is important to understand fundamentally your relationship with your wife, with your husband, with your neighbour; for relationship is a door through which we can discover ourselves, and through that discovery we understand what is right thinking.

Right thinking, surely, is entirely different from right thought. Right thought is static. You can learn about right thought, but you cannot learn about right thinking, because right thinking is movement, it is not static. Right thought you can learn from a book, from a teacher, or gather information about, but you cannot have right thinking by following a pattern or a mould. Right thinking is the understanding of relationship from moment to moment, which uncovers the whole process of the self.

At whatever level you live, there is conflict, not only individual conflict, but also world conflict. The world is you; it is not separate from you. What you are, the world is. There must be a fundamental revolution in your relationship with people, with ideas. There must be a fundamental change, and that change must begin, not outside you, but in your relationships. Therefore, it is essential for a man of peace, for a man of thought, to understand himself. For without self-knowledge his efforts only create further confusion and further misery. Be aware of the total process of yourself. You need no guru, no book, to understand from moment to moment your relationship with all things.

Questioner: Why do you waste your time preaching instead of helping the world in a practical way?

Krishnamurti: Now, what do you mean by practical? You mean bringing about a change in the world, a better economic adjustment, a better distribution of wealth, a better relationship, or to put it more brutally, helping you to find a better job. You want to see a change in the world, every intelligent man does, and you want a method to bring about that change, and therefore you ask me why I waste my time preaching instead of doing something about it. Now, is what I am actually doing a waste of time? It would be a waste of time, if I introduced a new set of ideas to replace the old ideology, the old pattern. Perhaps that is what you want me to do. But instead of pointing out a so-called practical way to act, to live, to get a better job, to create a better world, is it not important to find out what the impediments are that actually prevent a real revolution, not a revolution of the left or the right, but a fundamental, radical revolution, not based on ideas? Because ideals, beliefs, ideologies, dogmas, prevent action. There cannot be a world transformation, a revolution, as long as action is based on ideas, because action then is merely reaction in which ideas become much more important than action. That is precisely what is taking place in the world, isn’t it? To act, we must discover the impediments that prevent action. But most of us don’t want to act, that is our difficulty. We prefer to discuss, we prefer to substitute one ideology for another, and so we escape from action through ideology. Surely that is very simple, is it not? The world at the present time is facing many problems: overpopulation, starvation, division of people into nationalities and classes, and so on. Why isn’t there a group of people sitting together trying to solve the problems of nationalism? But if we try to become international while clinging to our nationality, we create another problem; and that is what most of us do.

So you see that it is ideals which are really preventing action. A statesman, an eminent authority, has said the world can be organized and all the people fed. Then why is it not done? Because of conflicting ideas, beliefs, and nationalism. Therefore, ideas are actually preventing the feeding of people; and most of us play with ideas and think we are tremendous revolutionaries, hypnotizing ourselves with such words as practical. What is important is to free ourselves from ideas, from nationalism, from all religious beliefs and dogmas, so that we can act, not according to a pattern or an ideology, but as needs demand. Surely to point out the hindrances and impediments that prevent such action is not a waste of time, is not a lot of hot air. What you are doing is obviously nonsense. Your ideas and beliefs, your political, economic, and religious panaceas, are actually dividing people and leading to war. It is only when the mind is free of idea and belief that it can act rightly. A man who is patriotic, nationalistic, can never know what it is to be brotherly, though he may talk about it; on the contrary, his actions, economically and in every direction, are conducive to war. So there can be right action and therefore radical, lasting transformation, only when the mind is free of ideas, not superficially, but fundamentally; and freedom from ideas can take place only through self-awareness and self-knowledge.

Colombo, 8 January 1950

ONE OF OUR major problems is the question of creative living. Obviously, most of us have dull lives. We have only a very superficial reaction; most of our responses are superficial and thereby create innumerable problems. Creative living does not necessarily mean becoming a big architect or a great writer. That is merely capacity, and capacity is entirely different from creative living. No one need know that you are creative, but you yourself can know that state of extraordinary happiness, a quality of indestructibility. But that is not easily realized, because most of us have innumerable problems—political, social, economic, religious, family—that we try to solve according to certain explanations, certain rules, traditions, any sociological or religious pattern with which we are familiar. But our solution of one problem seems inevitably to create other problems, and we set up a net of problems ever multiplying and increasing in their destructiveness.

When we try to find a way out of this mess, this confusion, we seek the answer at one particular level. One must have the capacity to go beyond all levels, because the creative way of living cannot be found at any particular level. That creative action comes into being only in understanding relationship, and relationship is communion with another. So it is not really a selfish outlook to be concerned with individual action. We seem to think that we can do very little in this world, that only the big politicians, the famous writers, the great religious leaders, are capable of extraordinary action. Actually, you and I are infinitely more capable of bringing about a radical transformation than the professional politicians and economists. If we are concerned with our own lives, if we understand our relationship with others, we will have created a new society; otherwise, we will but perpetuate the present chaotic mess and confusion.

So it is not out of selfishness, not because of a desire for power, that one is concerned with individual action. If we can find a way of living that is creative, not merely conforming to religious, social, political, or economic standards as we are doing at the present time, then I think we will be able to solve our many problems. At present we are merely repetitive gramophones, perhaps changing records occasionally under pressure, but most of us always play the same tunes for every occasion. It is this constant repetition, this perpetuation of tradition, that is the source of the problem with all its complexities. We seem to be incapable of breaking away from conformity, though we may substitute a new conformity for the present one, or try to modify the present pattern. It is a constant process of repetition, imitation. We are Buddhists, Christians, or Hindus; we belong to the left or to the right. By quoting from the various sacred books, by mere repetition, we think we shall solve our innumerable problems. Surely repetition is not going to solve human problems. What has the “revolutionary” done for the so-called masses? Actually, the problems are still there. What happens is that this constant repetition of an idea prevents the understanding of the problem itself. Through self-knowledge one has the capacity to free oneself from this repetition. Then it is possible to be in that creative state which is always new, and therefore one is always ready to meet each problem afresh. After all, our difficulty is that, having these immense problems, we meet them with previous conclusions, with the record of experience, either our own or acquired through others; and so we meet the new with the old, which creates a further problem.

Creative living is being without that background; the new is met as the new, therefore it does not create further problems. Therefore it is necessary to meet the new with the new until we can understand the total process, the whole problem of mounting disaster, misery, starvation, war, unemployment, inequality, the battle between conflicting ideologies. That struggle and confusion is not to be solved by repetition of old ways. If you will really look a little more closely, without prejudice, without religious bias, you will see much bigger problems; and being free from conformity, from belief, you will be able to meet the new. This capacity to meet the new with the new is called the creative state, and that surely is the highest form of religion. Religion is not merely belief, it is not the following of certain rituals, dogmas, calling yourself this or that. Religion is really experiencing a state in which there is creation. This is not an idea, a process. It can be realized when there is freedom from self. There can be freedom from self only through understanding the self in relationship; but there can be no understanding in isolation.

As I have suggested, it is important that we experience each question as it arises, and not merely listen to my answers, that we discover together the truth of the matter, which is much more difficult. Most of us would like to be apart from the problem, watching others; but if we can discover together, take the journey together, so that it is your experience and not mine—though you are listening to my words if we can go together, then it will be of lasting value and importance.

Questioner: Do you advocate vegetarianism? Would you object to the inclusion of an egg in your diet?

Krishnamurti: Is that really a very great problem, whether we should have an egg or not? Perhaps most of you are concerned with non-killing. What is really the crux of the matter? Perhaps most of you eat meat or fish. You avoid killing by going to a butcher, or you put the blame on the killer, the butcher, that is only dodging the problem. If you like to eat eggs, you may get infertile eggs to avoid killing. But this is a very superficial question; the problem is much deeper. You don’t want to kill animals for your stomach, but you do not mind supporting governments that are organized to kill. All sovereign governments are based on violence, they must have armies, navies, and air forces. You don’t mind supporting them, but you object to the terrible calamity of eating an egg. See how ridiculous the whole thing is! Investigate the mentality of the gentleman who is nationalistic, who does not mind the exploitation and the ruthless destruction of people, to whom wholesale massacre is nothing—but who has scruples as to what goes into his mouth.

There is much more involved in this problem, not only the whole question of killing, but the right employment of the mind. The mind may be used narrowly, or it is capable of extraordinary activity. Most of us are satisfied with superficial activity, with security, sexual satisfaction, amusement, religious belief; with that we are satisfied and discard entirely the deeper response and wider significance of life. Even the religious leaders have become petty in their response to life. After all, the problem is not only killing animals but human beings, which is more important. You may refrain from using animals and degrading them, you may be compassionate about killing them, but what is important in this question is the whole problem of exploitation and killing, not only the slaughter of human beings in wartime, but the way you exploit people, the way you treat others, and look down on them as inferiors. Probably you are not paying attention to this, because it is near home. You would rather discuss God or reincarnation—but nothing that requires immediate action and responsibility.

Colombo, 22 January 1950, Public Talk

WHAT IS IMPORTANT is how we approach any problem. It is essential that we see very clearly that it is the lack of right relationship that brings about conflict, and it is therefore essential that we understand conflict in relationship, the whole process of our thought and action. Obviously, if we do not understand ourselves in relationship, whatever society we create, whatever ideas, opinions we may have, will only bring about further mischief and further misery. Therefore, the understanding of the whole process of oneself in relationship with society is the first step in understanding the problem of conflict. Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, because you are the world, you are not separate from the world. Society is your relationship with another; you have created it, and the solution lies through your own understanding of that relationship, the interaction between you and society. Without understanding yourself, to seek a solution is utterly useless; it is merely an escape. What is important is understanding relationship. It is relationship that causes conflict, and that relationship cannot be understood unless we have the capacity to be passively watchful. Then, in that passive alertness, in that awareness, there comes understanding.

Questioner: I find that loneliness is the underlying cause of many of my problems. How can I deal with it?

Krishnamurti: What do you mean by loneliness? Are you actually aware that you are lonely? Surely loneliness is not a state of aloneness. Very few of us are alone; we don’t want to be alone. It is essential to understand that aloneness is not isolation. There is a difference between being alone and isolation. Isolation is the sense of being enclosed, the sense of having no relationships, a feeling that you have been cut off from everything. That is entirely different from being alone, which is to be extraordinarily vulnerable. When we are lonely, a feeling of fear, anxiety, the ache of finding oneself in isolation, comes over one. When you love somebody, you feel that without that somebody you are lost. That person becomes essential to you in order for you not to feel the sense of isolation. So you use the person in order to escape from what you are. That is why we try to establish relationship, a communion with another, or establish a contact with things, property, just so that we feel alive. We acquire furniture, dresses, cars; we seek to accumulate knowledge, or become addicted to love.

By loneliness we mean that state which comes upon the mind, a state of isolation, a state in which there is no contact, no relationship, no communion with anything. We are afraid of it, we call it painful; and being afraid of what we are, of our actual state, we run away from it, using so many ways of escape—God, drink, the radio, amusements—anything to get away from that sense of isolation. Are not our actions, both in individual relationship and in relationship with society, an isolating process? Is not the relationship of father, mother, wife, husband, an isolating process for us at the present time? Is not that relationship almost always a relationship based on mutual need? So the process of self-isolation is simple—you are all the time seeking, in your relationships, an advantage for yourself. This isolating process is going on continually, and when awareness of isolation comes upon us through our own activities, we want to run away from it. So we go to the temple, or back to a book, or turn on the radio, or sit in front of a picture and meditate—anything to get away from what is.

Colombo, 22 January 1950, Radio Talk

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Table of contents

• Contents
• Foreword
• Ojai, 16 June 1940
• Saanen, 31 July 1981
• Bangalore, 15 August 1948
• Ojai, 17 July 1949
• Rajahmundry, 4 December 1949
• Colombo, 25 December 1949
• Colombo, 28 December 1949
• Colombo, 1 January 1950
• Colombo, 8 January 1950
• Colombo, 22 January 1950, Public Talk
• Colombo, 22 January 1950, Radio Talk
• Bombay, 9 March 1955
• Colombo, 13 January 1957
• London, 18 May 1961
• Madras, 9 January 1966
• Rishi Valley, 8 November 1967
• Claremont College, California, 17 November 1968
• From Tradition and Revolution Rishi Valley, 28 January 1971
• San Francisco, 10 March 1973
• Saanen, 1 August 1973
• Saanen, 2 August 1973
• Brockwood Park, 8 September 1973
• Saanen, 25 July 1974
• Dialogue with Students and Staff: Brockwood Park, 30 May 1976
• Saanen, 20 July 1976
• Saanen, 31 July 1977
• Ojai, 21 April 1979
• Brockwood Park, 2 September 1979
• Bombay, 25 January 1981
• From Commentaries on Living Second Series: Conformity and Freedom
• Bombay, 24 January 1982
• Sources and Acknowledgments
• About the Author
• Other books by J. Krishnamurti
• Copyright
• About the Publisher