I Heart My Little A-Holes

A Bunch of Holy-Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting

Karen Alpert

• Publisher: William Morrow
• Year: 2014
• eBook ISBN:
  9780062341617
• Print ISBN:
  9780061469084

"Crass, inappropriate, and absolutely hysterical. In other words, absolutely everything you could want in a parenting book and more." —Jill Smokler, New York Times–bestselling author
Following the success of  Go the F**k to Sleep,  Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and  Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog.
Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole.
When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing.
In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Table of contents

• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Bundle of Joy My Ass, More Like Bundle of Hell
• I Heart My Little A-Holes
• Don’t Read This Section While You’re Eating Chocolate
• Another Holiday? Are You F’ing Kidding Me?
• The Truth, the Whole Truth, and None of the Bullshit You See on Pinterest
• A Really Short Chapter About Girl Scout Cookies Because They Are So F’ing Awesome They Deserve Their Own Chapter
• Disney and Caillou and Other Annoying Crap I Want to Crap On
• Annnnnd This Is What My Life Has Turned Into. Awesome.
• Yo Rug Rats, You Owe Me $26,000 for Plastic Surgery
• Excerpt from I Want My Epidural Back
• The end
• Acknowledgments
• I Heart My Little A-Holes Verrrrry Serious Book Club Questions
• About the Author
• Credits
• Copyright
• About the Publisher