Monday Morning Choices

12 Powerful Ways to Go from Everyday to Extraordinary

David Cottrell

• Publisher: Harper Business
• Year: 2009
• Print ISBN: 9780061451911
• eBook ISBN: 9780061844614
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Business General

Part I

Character Choices: The Foundation of Success

Character is the foundation upon which one must build to win respect. Just as no worthy building can be erected on a weak foundation, so no lasting reputation worthy of respect can be built on a weak character.

R.C. SAMSEL

Monday Morning Choice #1

The No-Victim Choice…Don’t Let Your Past Eat Your Future

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.

HARVEY S. FIRESTONE

Poor Gary.

That’s what they call him: “Poor Gary.” He labors all day in that tiny rear cubicle. His co-workers feel sorry for Gary because he seems to have all the bad luck. He works with the worst territories, the poorest accounts, and the most impossible schedules. Just when he thinks he’s closed the deal that will put him over quota, the bottom drops out, and at the end of the month his numbers fall short of the standard.

As the next month begins, Poor Gary’s shoulders are more stooped, his head more bowed, and his expression more defeated. His performance lags further behind expectation, and his sales calls are lackluster. Think Poor Gary’s results will improve this month? Not likely.

A victim is a person to whom life happens. Without question, Poor Gary falls into the victim category. However, Gary’s woes could be caused by his choice to be a victim. He complains about bad management, bad luck, being in a bad situation. Gary is a victim of all the bad things that happen to him.

At the other end of the hall in the same organization is Colin Myers. Colin began in the same small cubicle and worked the territory Gary now occupies. The difference between Colin and Gary is that Gary chooses to be a victim, while Colin made the no-victim choice.

Whenever the unexpected, bad luck, and bad situations occurred, Colin chose to dig deeper to make good things happen. When an order didn’t come through, Colin spent time evaluating why he did not get the order, and he made adjustments to help his next call be successful.

In other words, Colin didn’t wait for life to happen to him. He made choices to make things happen that would move him forward.

Colin’s performance resulted in several promotions, which moved him from the tiny rear cubicle where he had started into the manager’s office. From his point of view, the sky remains the limit. Colin had the ability to deal with whatever came his way, and good things kept coming his way.

Meanwhile, Gary was the perpetual victim of bad luck. Coincidence? Probably not.

Drivers or Passengers

On any of life’s journeys, we have to make a choice before we begin the trip. Our options are these: we can be a passenger, or we can be the driver. It’s our choice.

People who choose to be passengers are subject to going where other drivers are going. Passengers have no control over the speed with which they move ahead, nor do they have any say about whether or not rules are observed.

Then again, being a passenger is appealing. Passengers merely sit in the car, relaxed and oblivious to their final destination. They may put on headphones and listen to music, or they may nap. They may talk on the cell phone or do crossword puzzles. However, they rarely pay attention to where they are, who is in front of them or behind them, or whether progress is being made. Their journey may be pleasant enough, but those choosing to be passengers are just going along for the ride.

Those who choose to be drivers accept responsibility for moving forward toward their goals. They pay attention and focus on getting to their final destination. They make decisions about how quickly they move ahead. They avoid obstacles, like bumps or dips in the road. They may choose to take a detour. They decide when to stop and refuel. During the journey they make the choices to control their safety and success.

The distance between a passenger and a driver in a car is less than three feet, but the difference is huge. The driver has the choice to head toward success. The passenger just goes where he is driven.

In the previous example, Colin was a driver. Gary was a passenger.

Which would you rather be: driver or passenger? The choice is yours.

Responding to the Unexpected

Many people choose to be a victim because something unexpected happens—something completely out of their control. Others have an uncanny ability to deal successfully with the unexpected, the unusual, and the extraordinary. Positively dealing with the unexpected by looking for solutions, not excuses, is the choice you need to make.

If you know someone who is masterful at dealing with the unexpected, take a closer look at that individual, because you’ve truly met a special person.

Jim Lawton was like that—he was a driver. Whatever came his way, Jim could handle. His dad died while Jim was a freshman in college, and as tuition money dwindled Jim found enough work to support himself and pay his tuition so he could continue his college education.

After graduating, Jim went to work for a company that eventually had to downsize. When that happened, Jim networked his way into a new company and a new job. Notice I didn’t say “a better job.” No, Jim found an ordinary job and mined each opportunity to move ahead. Jim hasn’t allowed anything to keep him from being successful, no matter what life has tossed his way.

Jim chooses to avoid becoming a victim of life’s circumstances. He made up his mind to deal with the unexpected. Jim knew that there was no “grand conspiracy” preventing life from being easy for him. Jim also knew it was not what happened to him but rather his response to what happened that would make the difference. Today, Jim is successfully accomplishing his personal and professional goals.

Let me repeat Jim’s lesson—it’s not what happens to us but how we choose to respond to what happens that determines our next move, next path, next relationship, and next risk.

Believe it or not, the unexpected is going to happen. It’s your choice how you deal with it. You can be a victim, or you can choose to realize that by taking control of the unexpected, you can make strides toward greater success.

Do we occasionally fall into the victim trap? Of course. Occasionally feeling like a victim is natural, but remaining in the victim trap will prevent you from achieving success.

Avoiding the victim trap is not easy, but it’s a choice you have to make. You control your next move. Will you sit and sulk, or will you commit to continuing toward your ultimate goal?

Victims, Victims, Excuses, Excuses

When did this epidemic of victimization begin? Maybe it has become too easy for people to blame their mistakes on outside circumstances. It’s the easy way out, but it’s never the best.

Follow the proceedings of any criminal trial, and you will witness some incredible defenses:

• He was caught with the murder weapon, but he was abused as a child.
• Her shoplifting was witnessed by several people, but she’s the product of a broken home.
• He did it, but he has untreated attention deficit hyperactive syndrome.
• Her mother didn’t love her.
• He grew up in a rough neighborhood.
• He was bullied in school.

Victims, victims everywhere!

In business, it’s much the same:

“My department has been hit with turnover, so we didn’t meet our deadline.”

“We just can’t find people who want to work.”

These victims are full of excuses, excuses, excuses. Whatever happened to “The Buck Stops Here”?

Being a victim and making excuses rather than the no-victim choice will eventually destroy you. Accept responsibility, and people will recognize your maturity and calm in difficult situations. They will trust your ability to do a good job under difficult circumstances, and more and better opportunities will come your way!

Move Forward, No Matter What

Once you choose to become a driver and proactively deal with the unexpected, take responsibility and move forward when unfair things come your way. Didn’t accomplish your objectives for last month? You have two choices—you can either take responsibility and decide you’ll work twice as smart this month to make your goals, or you can wonder “Why me?” and quickly find someone else to blame.

Without fail, when you embrace this “why me” attitude, the victim mentality will paralyze your attitude and your enthusiasm. Left to fester, this paralysis will prevent you from doing what you need to do next.

Instead, you should move into the driver’s seat. Confront the victim mentality and say, “Bring it on! I will not become a victim of things beyond my control!” It’s your choice.

Not Everything Bad That Happens Is Our Doing

Dr. David Cook, a popular sports psychologist for several professional golfers, says that at least three things happen in a round of golf that are unfair or are not deserved. For example:

1. You hit the ball three hundred yards down the middle of the fairway, and it lands in a divot that should have been repaired.
2. You hit a perfect approach shot to the green and the wind gusts right as the ball approaches, knocking the ball into the sand trap. There was not even a breeze when you struck the ball, and now your ball is buried in the bunker.
3. You hit the perfect putt that goes off line when it hits a bump on the green because someone else forgot to fix his or her ball mark.

The choices available are these: either a golfer complains about the unfair circumstances that led his ball astray, or he accepts the situation and plans his next move. He did not cause the situation, but now he must deal with the result.

Dr. Cook says that the difference between the great golfers and the ones who are in the middle of the pack is how they deal with the things that happen to them. The talent level of professional golfers is not significantly different. It’s the ability to move beyond the unfair and unexpected that determines who wins the tournament.

In life, as in golf, not everything bad is our doing. But when bad things happen—things we do not deserve—the next move is ours. We cannot blame the situation and adopt the victim mentality. We must accept the unexpected, take responsibility, and move forward.

Taking Ownership

The good news is this: we can make the choice to avoid becoming victims and get on the road to success. There are no limits to the alternatives you have unless you set them yourself.

A source of stress among most people is the feeling of being out of control. Accepting responsibility, becoming a driver, and making the no-victim choice allows us to take control and move forward. Placing blame only adds to our stress because it puts someone else in control of the problem.

The late Thomas J. Watson, the brilliant...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Part One
• Part Two
• Part Three
• Acknowledgments
• About the Author
• Other Books by David Cottrell
• Credits
• Copyright
• About the Publisher