1 ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, IâD RATHER BE DANCING
One more time, she had to explain how she was born, and how the stage would be set for her to be the hero of her own life. The more unlikely, the more heroic. Things conspiredâextraordinary things, things no one back home or anywhere elseâcould have ever imagined. She said she did not grow up playing air guitar in the mirror. But she painted, she danced, nearly died, came back, danced again, and began to unfold.
Roberta Joan Anderson was born on November 7, 1943, in Fort Macleod, Alberta. Her mother had been a teacher and her father was a military man who later became a grocery store executive. The world would come to know her as Joni Mitchell, winner of eight Grammy Awards (including one in 2002 for Lifetime Achievement), inductee into the Rock and Roll and Canadian Songwriters Halls of Fame. She wrote a songââWoodstockââthat named a generation, and routinely makes criticsâ top ten lists of the greatest singer-songwriters of the twentieth century. âBig Yellow Taxiâ and âHelp Meâ still play on classic rock radio every day, high school students still quote âThe Circle Gameâ in yearbooks, and recordings of Blue are downloaded, Spotified, Pandoraâd, and snapped up with mocha lattes at Starbucks around the world. âThey paved paradise and put up a parking lotâ has become so familiar itâs almost a clichĂŠ. In 2017, âFree Man in Parisâ played, in its entirety, on the HBO series Girls, and âBoth Sides, Nowâ was sung at the Oscars in 2016, in tribute to a year in which the world lost a stunning array of creative luminaries ranging from Prince (who loved Joni) and Leonard Cohen (who was Joniâs lover), to David Bowie, Gene Wilder, Mary Tyler Moore, and Carrie Fisher. In the contemporary imagination, Joni Mitchell is more than a 1970s icon or pop star. She is our eternal singer-songwriter of sorrows, traveling through our highs and lows, the twentieth-century master of the art song tradition that stretches to Franz Schubert. Joni is as introspective and eloquent as Bob Dylan or Leonard Cohen, but she went beyond them in melody and harmony, exploring chords only jazz virtuosi could play to her satisfaction. She has stopped performing, but her records keep playing, documents of beauty and imperfection. As long as people can listen to music, her story will be told in her voice, her weird chords, her inimitable way.
In her songs, big stories become gloriously condensed. And the story that began all the othersâthe story of her motherâs life and marriage, and of her own birthâare all told, briefly, beautifully, and powerfully in an astonishing song, âThe Tea Leaf Prophecy.â
âItâs a lot of history in a small space, shorthanded,â Joni told me. âMy mother, Myrtle McKee, had been a country schoolteacher and she came into the city. She was working in a bank next to the police station, and the windows of the cop shop looked down into the tellersâ area, and they were always flirting from the windows. But the tellers found Mounties and cops distasteful. She and her girlfriend went to the fancy hotel, and they had a tea leaf reader, a palmist also. They wore white gloves and hats and it was very la-di-da, because it was the tail end of the Canadian Anglophile era. So it was a kind of poshy thing to do. And when he read her tea leaves, he told her three things: youâll be married in a month, youâll have a child within a year, and youâll live to an old age and die a long and agonizing death, which is a terrible thing, even if you see it, to say.â
When Joni first recorded the song for her 1988 album, Chalk Mark in a Rainstorm, she used a pseudonym for her mother: Myrtle McKee became âMolly McGee.â First she tells the story of her motherâs visit with the tea leaf reader:
Newsreels rattle the Nazi dread
The able-bodied have shipped away
Molly McGee gets her tea leaves read
Youâll be married in a month they say
âThese leaves are crazy,â says Molly McGee. Itâs a joke. Consulting the leaves isnât crazy; theyâre just not making sense. And Joniâs musical mind emerges here figuratively. There are no men, just boys âtalking to teacher in the treble clef.â The next verse is a beautiful, lyrical telling of her parentsâ unlikely wartime romance. The man in this love story is, like Bill Anderson, a sergeant on a two-week leave. They meet and their fate is sealed. Joni imagines her young parents making loveâa topic that would be awkward for mostâwith tenderness:
Oh these nights are strong and soft
Private passions and secret storms
Nothinâ about him ticks her off
And he looks so cute in his uniform
This romance is immediately followed with the locked-in domesticity of long hard winters in the Canadian prairies that is her motherâs life. There are endless chores, and the cycles are relentless, banal, with endless drudgery. And even her stated intention to flee becomes monotonous, too:
She says âIâm leavinâ hereâ but she donât go
The story of Joniâs parents is one she attempted to unravel throughout her lifetime and in her music. Why had the stars aligned for Myrtle McKee, who had taught in a one-room school and was clerking at a bank in Regina, and William Anderson, on leave from the Royal Canadian Air Force? Andersonâs family hailed from Scandinavia. When a grown-up Joni asked him why his name didnât have the usual Swedish spelling of âAndersen,â he said the name was changed at Ellis Island from âAmberson.â Joni suspected from her high cheekbones that she had Laplander blood. She also wondered if her fatherâs family was hiding a Jewish name.
She came of age in the postwar baby boom, but she was an only child. Her motherâs unhappiness with marriage and motherhood is threaded through âThe Tea Leaf Prophecyâ: âShe says âIâm leavinâ hereâ but she donât go.â There is also, in the song, Myrtleâs advice to her only daughter:
âHiroshima cannot be pardoned!
Donât have kids when you get grown.â
It was a line from real life that Joni found baffling. âShe used to say it to me all the time: âDonât have kids when you get grown.â I was an only child and I found it insulting. She meant that I was a pain in the ass. I was in conflict with her. She was a bigot, she was very cautious and conservative and wouldnât take any chances, no displays of emotionality or anything.â
Joni sized up her parents and found them wanting. As a toddler, she had a recurring dream, more like a nightmare, of being in the car with her parents and her father losing control of the car. âI would wake up with the most horrible emotion,â she told me. âAnd I would have never been able to figure that dream out, and I can usually interpret my own dreams easily, because Iâm in touch with my own symbolism. This was a real incident that stored like film. I thought, âOkay.â My dream was a stored photograph of what preceded his irrationality. The road ahead was flooded after we came on a bright, sunny day. The slough was overflowed, and you could see there was water lying across the road. We were in danger. And as an infant, I could see: What is he acting like that for? Turn the fuckinâ car around. And I sucked my thumb and gave myself an overbite. My parentsâtheir judgment was so sucky all the time. These people are not thinking and Iâm small and in their care. Help! So I had to be my own person very young.â
Many years later, she and her friend Tony Simon were with her father, talking about dreams; her father usually had an uncanny ability to interpret them. Joni, who was still unable to understand the dream, brought it up. Her father hung his head in shame.
âWell, that really happened,â he said. âI behaved irrationally.â
For Joni, it was a powerful affirmation of her childhood suspicion that she was being raised by adults who were not up to the task. She would veer back and forth between feeling contempt for them and the deep desire to protect them. âSo, I was two and a half years old and I discovered that my parents were nutsâthat they had really bad judgment. But that they were acting like they were in danger. After that incident, I perceived him as vulnerable, and I was kind of his champion. Because in school, people would say, âIf you talk about your dad one more time, Iâm going to punch you.ââ
She had similar memories of her motherâs own shortcomings. Sharon Bell (who is now Sharon Veer) remembered, âJoni and I were hanging out at her house, and Myrt went to get groceries. She was buying liver for supper because Joni liked liver, which I could never understand at that age. Myrt went down to the basement, she tripped, she fell, and this liver splattered out and Myrt fell on the floor. We were all standing there looking down the stairs at her. [Our friend] Marilyn said, âIs she dead?â And Joni said, âI donât know, but I donât think weâre having liver for supper.â For whatever reason, Joni thought that was just hilarious, and I bet she told that same story every time I saw her.â
The near accident and Joniâs traumatic recurring nightmares about it confirmed her feeling that her childhood was an ongoing car crash. She was alone in a house with her simple and conservative parents, in a countryside whose beauty she embraced and whose provincialism she abhorred. Nobody else could tell Joni how it felt when her parentsâ slights and shortcomings made impacts. No one knew how many times she felt the vehicle of family life flip and turn and crash.
Joni felt her parents lacked visionâfiguratively and literally. As soon as Joni could identify her colors, she already had an advantage over Bill and Myrtle Anderson. âMy parents are both color-blind and Iâm color acute,â Joni recalled. âI donât know how they got through traffic. My father wanted to fly and they grounded him, which broke his heart. But he wouldnât be able to see the color of the landing lights. They never tried to paint or anything. You could paint color-blind, but youâd be making green skies and blue water, which is okay. Theyâd think you were being very modern, daring.â
Joniâs mother was a housewife, and her father was the merchandising coordinator for Shelly Bros., owners of the OK Economy grocery chain. They led a modest life and never wanted to attract too much attention. And then they had Joni. In the words of Philip Roth: There is a God, and his name is Aristophanes.
âI knew her parents very well,â said Tony Simon, her friend from Nutana Collegiate High School and the Y dances in Saskatoon. âThey were friends with my parents. They were not friends with a lot of people. My parents were very social. The Andersons werenât. They were very nice. They didnât energetically mix with a lot of people, but they were always very receptive to anybody that Joni brought over. They paid attention. Her father especially, if you met him at any age from sixty-five up, youâd think, what a laid-back nice guy. But what youâd be missing was that he was an intensely competitive guy. Not many people have shot their age in golf. He has. He was a championship tennis player, and I think some of Joniâs competitiveness came from that. He was quietly competitive. Saskatchewan during the war and right after was not a very competitive place. Being a grocery store owner in those days was a pretty prestigious job. They didnât have [a lot of] money, but in those days, people were careful with resources. Living was pretty goddamn good for Joni compared to whatâs going on today. Did she have to scrape along? Not really.â
Growing up in the years after World War II made an impression on Joni. They made her a rebel, with a strain of Rosie the Riveter in her DNA. At the same time, she was a young woman of the 1950s; she came of age in the Mad Men era when happiness seemed just a purchase away. âThere were only two stores in town,â Joni explained. âMy dad ran the grocery store and Marilyn McGeeâs dad ran the general store. She and I called the Simpsons-Sears catalogue âThe Book of Dreams.â It was so glamorous when I was a child . . . Weâd be down on our bellies looking at every page, and she and I would . . . pick out our favorite matronâs girdle and our favorite saw and our favorite hammer. âI like that one best.â Every page, âThatâs my favorite.â So in that way you learned to shop before you have money, you learn the addiction of the process of selection.â The love of shopping stayed with Joni. So much so that even today, she says, âYou could take me anywhere on any budget level and Iâll go into âThatâs a good thing for that much money. Thatâs a beautiful thing.ââ
She always loved music. âThe Hit Parade was one hour a dayâfour oâclock to five oâclock,â she recalled. âOn the weekends theyâd do the Top Twenty. But the rest of the radio was Mantovani, country and western, a lot of radio journalism. Mostly country and western, which I wasnât crazy about. To me it was simplistic. Even as a child I liked more complex melody. In my teens I loved to dance. That was my thing. I instigated a Wednesday night dance âcause I could hardly make it to the weekends. For dancing, I loved Chuck Berry. Ray Charles. âWhatâd I Say.â I liked Elvis Presley. I liked the Everly Brothers.â
She called herself a âgood-time Charlieâ and her school friends still confirm it. The laughter at the end of âBig Yellow Taxiâ was as familiar to them as a telephone call from an old friend. âI was anti-intellectual to the nth,â she explained. âBasically, I liked to dance and paint and that was about it. As far as serious discussions went, at that time most of them were overtly pseudo-intellectual and boring. Like, to see teenagers sitting around solving the problems of the world, I thought, âAll things considered, Iâd rather be dancing.ââ
She was anti-intellectual, in part, because she had little faith or interest in rote learning. As a little girl she attended Parish Hall, which was associated with the Anglican Church. Canadian culture was deeply shaped by the English influence, and in the 1940s and â50s when Joni was growing up, nearly half of all the immigrants were British. Joni remembered, âBecause of the Baby Boom population, I was there. It was grade three. We were marked and given grades. And this old lady that was brought out of retirement to teach this class was cheerful and well-meaning, but old-fashioned in her teaching methods. She examined us and broke down all the rows. She put the A students in one row and called them Bluebirds. She took the B students in a row and called them Robins. All the C students in a row and called them Wrens. Then the flunkies were lined up and she called them Crows. I looked at the A students with their hands clasped on the desks, looking like theyâd won something important, and there wasnât a person in that line that I thought was smart. They were all looking so proud, and I remembered looking at them and thinking, âAll you did was she said something and you said it back.â So I broke with the school system at that moment and I had this thought, âIâm not even gonna try from here on, until they ask a question that nobody knows the answer to.ââ
This push and pull between not giving in to what she felt strongly were inferior metrics of success and the desire for other people to know and acknowledge her gifts would play out throughout Joniâs career. She would later say, âI donât know how to sell out. If I tried to sell out I donât think I could. By that I mean, to make an attempt to make a commercial record. I just make them and I think, âIf I was a kid I would like this songâ . . . You have to have a certain grab-ability initially and then something that wears well . . . for years to come. Thatâs what anything fine is. Itâs recognized in painting [but] Iâm just working in a toss-away industry. Iâm a fine artist working in a commercial arena, so thatâs my cross to bear.â
Just how she would bear the cross of being different was something that Joni wrestled with from her earliest days. She took solace in what she could. For example, when she began...