NEED TO KNOW BODY LANGUAGE EB

Carolyn Boyes

• Publisher: Collins
• Year: 2010
• Print ISBN: 9780007205943
• eBook ISBN: 9780007379507
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Comparative Economics
• Index: Psychology

This one-stop practical guide will show you how to understand what other people are really feeling – even before they do! To make your progress easier, it comes in a handy format with colour photos and expert advice throughout.

If you cross your legs are you relaxed or tense? What does it mean if you stroke your chin? Do you know the meaning behind a friend lowering their eyebrows? Would you know how to greet an inhabitant of Greenland? How would you subliminally show ownership of your brand-new car or house?

This book will answer all these questions and more. It's fully illustrated with colour photographs which show hundreds of gestures, postures and 'attitudes'.

1 Basics of body language

If you are not sure what someone really means, trust their body to tell you the truth, rather than their words. This chapter sets out the basics of body language, and looks at different types of body language, universal expressions of emotions and common gestures.

The Basics

The majority of people are very conscious of the words they use. You learn your native language from those around you, which is usually your family, and you refine your use of speech by learning the rules of grammar and the importance of good communication while you are at school.

However, few people, unless they have been on a presentation or communication training course, learn much about what their bodies are saying about them. But it is possible at any stage of your life to learn to use the wordless part of language. You can learn to use different gestures and body movements deliberately to be an effective communicator in different situations. You can also learn to read other people’s body language to find out what secret thoughts and emotions lie behind their words.

must know

How we communicate

It is thought that around 93 percent of our language comes from gestures, posture and facial expressions and the way in which we use our voices.

In the 1970s, Albert Mehrabian, a psychology professor, produced the model of communication used most now. He established that:

• around 7-10 percent of the meaning we communicate comes through our actual words

• 38 percent is the way in which the words are said: the tone, pitch and speed of the voice

• 55 percent of the message comes from the body: gestures and facial expressions

The Mehrabian model cannot be applied precisely to any communication situation. Obviously, if you are speaking on the telephone, then your voice becomes a more effective medium for communication than the position of your hands. But even when you are having a telephone conversation, for example, how you stand or sit will influence your breathing and your voice, meaning that the role of the body as a communicator is still important.

The Mehrabian model acts as a useful guide and reminder that words alone can be, and are, frequently misunderstood.

Nature versus Nurture

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Personal signatures

Some gestures are unique to an individual, who will use them habitually. These are known as signature gestures. Impersonators on TV pick up on these immediately so that the viewer knows at once who is being imitated.

• Prince Charles often fiddles with his shirt cufflinks before facing a crowd of people, betraying his nervousness. He also rubs his ear lobe when he is self-conscious.

• Prince William straightens his tie when he is about to walk in front of an audience. He marks a threshold between his private space and being in public.

• Adolf Hitler often adopted a fig-leaf pose, standing with his hands in front of his crotch.

• Princess Diana looked at people through her eyelashes with her head turned down.

• Roger Moore is known for raising a single eyebrow.

• Groucho Marx painted on eyebrows that he raised and lowered to make us laugh.

Nature: Some gestures seem to be innate. We do not learn them but they have developed in us as part of our unconscious animal behaviour. The primary emotions such as fear and happiness are pretty much universal wherever we go. Likewise, blushing is a sign of embarrassment in all cultures. Shrugging and smiling are also universal gestures.

Nurture: Some gestures are learned as part of our social and cultural conditioning. They may be learned by us because of expectations about how a woman or a man should behave within a culture. These tend to be obvious to us. It is easy to notice when another person is behaving outside the norms of society’s expectations. For example, how you are expected to eat a meal or sit vary in different cultures.

Other gestures are used automatically. You will have an unconscious reaction to the automatic gestures of another person and are unlikely to analyse their meaning.

Groucho Marx’s signature gesture was to raise and lower his eyebrows.

First impressions

must know

Clusters

Gestures may occur individually or in clusters. If a person crosses their arms, it may mean they are defensive, bored or simply cold. You cannot interpret the individual gesture accurately. However, if they are also breaking eye contact or drumming their fingers, you can guess they are feeling negative.

In fact, first impressions of a person are formed in only around ten seconds. Our intuition about a new acquaintance is primarily influenced by how we feel about the way they are expressing themselves through their bodies. We do not necessarily know why we have reacted to them with like, dislike or trust, but it is because of how we are culturally and instinctively conditioned to interpret the communication they are sending us.

Watch for clusters of gestures to reveal emotion. Crossing the arms can have several meanings…

But when breaking eye contact is added, the person may be feeling negative.

Types of body language

In the 1970s, Paul Ekman, a researcher from the University of California, together with his colleague Wallace Friesen, were influential in showing how peoples’ feelings can be worked out from careful examination of different facial expressions. They also divided body language into the following areas.

• Gestures made at the same time as you speak are called illustrators. They don’t stand alone and substitute for words, but are used to describe or clarify the point that you are making.

• Affect displays are unconscious gestures. They encompass changes in facial expressions, movements of the arms and legs, how you stand and how much space you use. All of these give clues as to how you are feeling inside, and whether that is a positive or a negative feeling.

• Adaptors also relate to how you feel, and, they are also usually unconscious gestures. If you feel negative, you may try to handle the emotion by changing or adapting your body language. However, these are gestures that are focused towards the body. For example, if you are stressed, you might clench your fist, chew your hair or touch your face.

• Regulators are used to indicate that a conversation is continuing, whether or not the people are actually speaking. The use of regulators varies between cultures. Movements and gestures like nodding or simply looking at the other person are used to acknowledge participation.

• Different cultures and societies use different gestures deliberately to replace words. These are known as emblems, and may also be determined by other factors such as whether you are a man or a woman. Examples of emblems are the OK sign, the thumbs-up sign and obscene gestures.

Universal expressions

There are a few facial expressions that go across cultural boundaries. Smiles are universal, as are the facial expressions used to show emotions such as anger, happiness, surprise, disgust, fear and sadness.

Anger

Angry people contract and lower their eyebrows to produce a frown. Wrinkles form over the bridge of the nose. The eyes are narrowed and staring. They may ‘flash’ with anger in movement. The lips are pressed tightly together and the jaw ...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Table of Contents
• Introduction
• 1 Basics of body language
• 2 Eyes, face and head
• 3 Hands, arms and legs
• 4 Body and touch
• 5 Territory and personal space
• 6 Meeting, greeting and saying goodbye
• 7 Getting on well
• 8 Attraction and dating
• 9 Negativity: boredom, discomfort and stress
• 10 Lying, deceit and insincerity
• 11 Power, dominance and submission
• 12 Getting on at work
• Need to know more?
• Index
• Copyright
• About the Publisher