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Market Boy
For Rufus Norris – and his Trevor
Acknowledgements
The author would like to thank all the actors who have helped make this play, 2002–6.
Place
Romford Market.
The mid-eighties to early nineties.
Music
This play should make use of music from the eighties.
Note
Given the scale it is important that any producer of this play feels free to adapt the script where necessary to suit the practical circumstances of their production.
This story is told from the point of view of Boy.
Scene One
A Boy and his Mum and really nothing except a crisp packet drifting across the space.
Boy I want to go home.
Mum Well tough titty, you can’t.
Boy It’s cold.
Mum Don’t be such a big girl’s blouse.
Boy It is. I’m going home.
Mum Well suit yourself, you’re too big for pocket money now so that’s it mate –
Boy It’s freezing.
Mum You’ll never make anything of yourself loafing around at home, now move yourself – Go on!
The Boy ducks a clip round the ear but they are both stilled as the Boy hears something. They both look around them.
The very beginning of ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywoodechoes around the vast space. Then it is gone.
Boy I’m going –
Mum Get back there. Go on!
The very beginning of ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood echoes around the vast space again.
Bang – the sound of an exhaust firing and a battered white transit van drives in at speed. Mouse is on the top and Don hangs from the back. He nearly falls as the wheels spin and the van completes a hand-brake turn. Mouse and Don scramble from the van as it stops. Snooks gets out of one side of the van. They clock the Boy. The Boy looks at his Mum and decides to leg it.
The Trader gets out of the van. The sight of him stops the Boy in his tracks. ‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywoodfills the market. Packing out begins. It’s thrilling and increases in intensity as it gets closer to completion.
The frame comes off the roof as boxes spill out of the van. The stock finds its way into place as the frame is erected. The Trader erects a ladder on one side as Mouse clambers up the other side of the stall with the agility of a monkey. Mouse and the Trader unroll the sheet and leap from the frame.
‘Relax’ finishes. The Trader advances towards the Boy who looks at his Mum.
Trader Red Sophie in a five!
A pair of red stilettos come sailing over the stall and into the Trader’s hands. The Boy is startled.
Mum I’m never a five –
Trader I know –
Mouse Five trapped in the body of a six –
Trader Five trapped in the body of a six darling.
The Trader is kneeling down before her and in a flash her shoes are off and the high heels are on. He runs his hand down her calf towards her ankle.
Trader Cor hasn’t your mum got lovely legs?
Mum Look at that, I haven’t worn heels in years.
Don You can wear heels for me any time.
The Trader stands and twirls Mum around.
Trader Doesn’t your mother look a treat in those?
Don You can walk all over me.
Snooks She looks like a peach.
The Boy nods.
Mum Now we’re not here to buy shoes.
Mouse Go home then!
Don We know what you want!
Snooks She wants me!
Mouse Bollocks –
Snooks They all want me!
Trader Well what can I do you for then love?
The Boy is quiet. His Mum catches his mood.
Mum Go on then. Go on. Move yourself. Go on.
Boy What?
Mum Ask him then. Go on.
Trader What’s that then son? I’m a bit mutton –
The Boy notices Don, Mouse and Snooks watching from the stall and hesitates.
Boy Have you –
Don Ah.
Mouse Ah.
Snooks Ah.
The Boy looks for his Mum.
Mum Go on. Stone the crows!
Boy Have you got a job –
Mum Brian –
Boy Please –
Don Ah.
Mouse Ah.
Snooks Ah please Brian –
Trader Have we got a job boys?
Don No.
Mouse No.
Snooks Have we bollocks.
Trader Well done son –
Boy What?
Trader You’re hired –
Don Turn it up!
Snooks Stroll on!
Boy Oh no –
‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’ by Wham gently begins to fill the market.
Trader Five quid packing in packing out unload the van, put the frame up, roll the sheet out, sort out the stock, do the show, write the signs, ...
