Parenting Out of Control

Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times

Margaret K. Nelson

• Publisher: NYU Press
• Year: 2010
• eBook ISBN:
  9780814758687
• Print ISBN:
  9780814763896
• Subtopic: Sociology

They go by many names: helicopter parents, hovercrafts, PFHs (Parents from Hell). The news media is filled with stories of well-intentioned parents going to ridiculous extremes to remove all obstacles from their child's path to greatness . . . or at least to an ivy league school. From cradle to college, they remain intimately enmeshed in their children's lives, stifling their development and creating infantilized, spoiled, immature adults unprepared to make the decisions necessary for the real world. Or so the story goes.

Drawing on a wealth of eye-opening interviews with parents across the country, Margaret K. Nelson cuts through the stereotypes and hyperbole to examine the realities of what she terms "parenting out of control." Situating this phenomenon within a broad sociological context, she finds several striking explanations for why today's prosperous and well-educated parents are unable to set realistic boundaries when it comes to raising their children. Analyzing the goals and aspirations parents have for their children as well as the strategies they use to reach them, Nelson discovers fundamental differences among American parenting styles that expose class fault lines, both within the elite and between the elite and the middle and working classes.

Nelson goes on to explore the new ways technology shapes modern parenting. From baby monitors to cell phones (often referred to as the world's longest umbilical cord), to social networking sites, and even GPS devices, parents have more tools at their disposal than ever before to communicate with, supervise, and even spy on their children. These play important and often surprising roles in the phenomenon of parenting out of control. Yet the technologies parents choose, and those they refuse to use, often seem counterintuitive. Nelson shows that these choices make sense when viewed in the light of class expectations.

Today's parents are faced with unprecedented opportunities and dangers for their children, and are evolving novel strategies to adapt to these changes. Nelson's lucid and insightful work provides an authoritative examination of what happens when these new strategies go too far.

INDEX

1-2-3 Magic (Phelan), 94–95

1960s counterculture, 42–44, 65–66, 69, 176–177

abduction, preying on fears of, 218n10

adolescents: immaturity of, 2, 35–36

as parent’s “best friend,” 9, 67

youthful indiscretions, 63–65. See also teenagers

adult solidarity, erosion of, 17

adults, respect for authority of, 53, 99

anxiety: about children’s safety, 18–19

from using baby monitors, 114–115

AOL parental controls, 137, 140

Ariès, Philippe, 71

autonomy. See children’s autonomy

baby monitors, 113–117

anxiety from using, 114–115

cell phones compared to, 108, 122

as connection devices, 108

facilitation of immediate responsiveness, 115–118

intrinsic fragility of babies, assumption of, 114–115, 122

normalization of vigilance, 115

ownership by social class, 196

professional middle-class parents’ use of, 10, 115–117, 166

safety concerns, 114

working-class and middle-class parents’ use of, 166

Beck, Ulrich, 54, 114

Bentham, Jeremy, 171

Bianchi, Suzanne, 133, 184

Blair-Loy, Mary, 61

BrickHouse Child Locator, 109, 128

Castells, Manuel, 30

cell phones, 117–126

baby monitors compared to, 108, 122

checking children’s call lists, 125

children’s autonomy, 122–126

children’s lying about whereabouts, 124–125

as connection devices, 108

facilitation of immediate responsiveness to “emergencies,” 118–120, 121

monitoring adherence to preset limits, 126

negotiations using, 125–126, 169

not knowing who children are talking to, 125

ownership by age of child, 196

ownership by social class, 197

professional middle-class parents’ use of, 10, 118–127, 166, 168

reasons for purchasing, 120

safety concerns, 117–118, 120

working-class and middle-class parents’ use of, 120, 126, 166, 168

ChemTrac Inc., 219n17

child care: categories of, 59

familial assistance with, 209n1

“othermother” support, 210n3

paid, 209n1

poor parents, 20

primary vs. secondary, 58

professional middle-class parents, 209n1

U. S. Census Bureau on, 71

working-class and middle-class parents, 209n1

working-class parents, 20. See also child rearing

child locators, 128–133

advertisements for, 218n10

BrickHouse Child Locator, 109, 128

as devices of “constraint,” 108–109

future of, 185

negative reactions to, 10, 128–131

professio...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction No Playpen
• I Parenting Styles
• II Parenting and Technology
• Appendix A Methods
• Appendix B Data Analysis
• Notes
• Bibliography
• Index
• About The Author