Working with Difficult People

Michael Dobson, William Lundin, Thomas Nelson

• Publisher: AMACOM
• Year: 2008
• eBook ISBN: 9780814410356
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Management
• Index: Business

This book defines nine fundamental types of difficult people and gives you a complete system for opening lines of communication, resolving differences, and avoiding office headaches. 

Mastering the ability to handle difficult people and disruptive behaviors has always been a critical career skill. You can do something positive about difficult people in your workplace, and this invaluable resource will show you how to remake your own attitude and behavior. You, not the other person, will take charge of the interaction.

In Working with Difficult People, you will learn how to:

• understand their own reactions to different kinds of difficult people
• explore the interrelationship between themselves and the problematic employee
• practice healthier responses to those who make their lives miserable

This indispensable guide includes an action plan for preparing for encounters and confrontations as well as all-new verbal self-defense tips, guidance on how to master power dynamics, and ways to differentiate between situational issues and psychological ones. Packed with new, updated information, Working with Difficult People is the perfect resource for dealing with the most difficult people in the workplace.

CHAPTER 1

HOW DIFFICULT ARE YOU?

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

—Matthew 7:3

In the introduction, we stated that most people exhibit difficult behavior at least sometimes. And this, of course, includes you.

If you're a difficult person yourself, it's likely that the difficult behavior of other people becomes even worse around you. You may find that some of our recommended strategies won't work as advertised or sometimes even backfire and make things worse. If you're part of the problem, you'll have to improve your own behavior before you can reasonably expect much change in other people.

HOW DIFFICULT ARE YOU?

Take as much time as you need to fill out this worksheet completely. You'll probably need extra sheets of paper to complete it. It's a good idea to complete it at home or in a private and secure setting.

1. Do you see yourself as being difficult to work with? If so, in what way?

2. Do other people tell you that you are difficult? If so, in what way? Have your supervisors or managers mentioned your difficult behavior?

3. Has the difficult behavior been noted on your performance appraisal? Have you received warnings, reprimands, or any other official notices?

4. Do you agree with the assessment of your difficult behavior? If not, why do you think others have assessed you in that way?

5. If you agree that you exhibit difficult behavior (or if you understand what people are seeing even if you don't believe it's inappropriate), why do you think you are being difficult?

6. What steps could you take in order to reduce the difficult behavior or at least reduce the negative reactions you've identified?

7. Are there any ways in which your personal characteristics, temperament, style, or approach attracts difficult behavior from other people? If so, are there any ways to ameliorate the behavior while staying true to your values and beliefs?

8. Do you have friends and colleagues you can trust to be honest and objective in assessing your behavior? If so, what do they say when asked these same questions?

9. Have these same problems occurred in other work situations? (If not, there's a greater chance the current workplace or individuals are the core problem. If so, there's a greater chance that you are making a substantial contribution to your own problems.)

10. After evaluating your answers (and those of friends and colleagues whose opinions you value and trust), what action strategies will you use to improve the situation? What immediate steps do you have to take? How will you assess the effectiveness of those steps?

CHAPTER 2

STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN

“You see, but you do not observe”

—Sherlock Holmes, in Arthur Conan Doyle,
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes,
“A Scandal in Bohemia” (1891)

Imagine you're at an office party and you notice a conversational cluster of senior managers. One manager is hanging around the food and looks a little depressed. What's going on? Well, it could be anything. Maybe there's an impending reorganization and the left-out manager is about to be laid off. Maybe the seemingly depressed manager is actually stunned to find out he or she has received a major promotion and the other managers are wondering about their fate. And maybe the whole thing is about who won or lost the football pool.

Do you need to know what's going on? Absolutely.

If a reorganization is about to happen, your own career prospects could go up or down—or possibly out. If it's the football pool, you don't want to spend a sleepless night worrying for nothing. If it's your manager who's on the way out, his or her difficult behavior might get worse.

Forewarned is forearmed. Knowledge is power.

THE FARLEY FILE

There's an enormous amount of important and revealing information about people available to you, but most of us ignore it and treat it as background noise. People—whether difficult or not—reveal themselves in nonverbal communication, in their Internet or blog presence, and in a variety of other ways. Because what's going on in the organization can make people's difficult behavior worsen or lessen, being plugged in and knowing what's going on is vital.

Look for Information to Improve Your Understanding

Much information is available on people, organizations, and industries. A few years ago, you had to be a skilled researcher to get the information you needed, but online searching makes it relatively easy. If you're dealing with a difficult person, have you done a search on that person? Checked his or her involvement on social networking sites? Looked for basic biographical data?

People change their behavior when they're under stress, so knowing about stressors is important. If the company is being sold or reorganized, the behavior of those who are “in the know” changes. Keep a Google eye on news about your organization and your industry.

Keep Track of Personal Details

If someone you know gets promoted, make sure you say (or e-mail) congratulations. If it's someone else's birthday, make a calendar note for next year. Keep track of the names of people's spouses, children, and pets and inquire about their lives from time to time. People hunger for personal recognition, and taking the time to remember and congratulate (or commiserate) sets you apart from the crowd.

Franklin D. Roosevelt's campaign manager, James A. Farley, had secretaries keep notes on everyone Roosevelt ever met. Whenever FDR was about to meet someone, Farley would pull his or her file and make sure the president was up-to-date. Imagine the impression it made when the president of the United States remembered the name of someone's dog five years after his previous encounter with the person. In The Devil Wears Prada, Anne Hathaway serves as a human Farley File (popularized by science-fiction author Robert A. Heinlein, in his novel Double Star [1956]) for Meryl Streep, discreetly letting Streep know about each person she encounters at an important social event. Keep your own notes, and people will be honored and touched by your memory.

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Communication

A ...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Introduction
• Chapter 1 - How Difficult are You?
• Chapter 2 - Stop, Look, and Listen
• Chapter 3 - Maximizing your Power
• Chapter 4 - It's not (Always) Personal—It's (Often) Business
• Chapter 5 - Planning your Strategy
• Chapter 6 - Working with Difficult Superiors
• Chapter 7 - Working with Difficult Subordinates
• Chapter 8 - Corporate Culture and Difficult People
• Chapter 9 - Mean and Angry
• Chapter 10 - Suspicious
• Chapter 11 - Pessimistic
• Chapter 12 - Cynical
• Chapter 13 - Shy and Quiet
• Chapter 14 - Narcissistic
• Chapter 15 - Extremely Competitive
• Chapter 16 - Overcontrolling
• Chapter 17 - Overly Flattering
• Chapter 18 - Lessons: Handling All Kinds of Difficult People
• Index