The Mediator's Toolkit

Formulating and Asking Questions for Successful Outcomes

Gerry O'Sullivan

• Publisher: New Society Publishers
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9780865718975
• eBook ISBN: 9781771422864
• Topic: Law
• Subtopic: Conflict Resolution
• Index: Law

Learn how to formulate and ask penetrating, paradigm-shifting questions for successful outcomes in any conflict.Knowing how to formulate and ask incisive questions to get to the core of a conflict, challenge entrenched thinking, and shift perspectives are the main challenge for mediators and the key to successful conflict resolution.The Mediator's Toolkit employs the author's powerful "S Questions Model," to provide readers with the skills and tools to develop and ask strategic questions that result in successful outcomes in any context. The S Questions Model toolkit dives into four dimensions of successful questions for mediation: the subject matter dimension, the structure dimension, the information seeking dimension, and the shifting thinking dimension. The toolkit clearly explains:

• The theory behind each question type, including exploration of relevant neuroscience and psychology
• The purpose of different types of questions
• How the questions work
• When to use different types of questions
• How to build and apply questions to mediation in a non-threatening way

This essential practical guide will radically sharpen, focus, and improve the questioning skills of qualified mediators, students, lecturers, trainers, and those using questions to challenge and effect change, in any context.

Section 1

The S Questions Model — Theory

Introduction and Purpose of the S Questions Model

The S Questions Model

THE S QUESTIONS MODEL was developed to incorporate the wide range of questions that can be asked during a mediation process into one clear and accessible image. This image can be utilized by a mediator to identify the most appropriate question to ask in any given circumstance. The S Questions Model forms the context in which the learning from the theory in Section 1 of this book is applied. Sections 2, 3 and 4 contain comprehensive information on the model and its application.

Introductory Summary of the S Questions Model

There are four dimensions of questions in the S Questions Model:

• S1: Subject Matter Dimension of questions

• S2: Structure Dimension of questions

• S3: Seeking Information Dimension of questions

• S4: Shift Thinking Dimension of questions

S1: Subject Matter Dimension of Questions

All questions incorporate the S1: Subject Matter Dimension of questions and can be asked about the people involved in the conflict; the environment or context in which the conflict takes place; the problem or issue presented to mediation; and the interaction of the people, the environment and the problem.

S2: Structure Dimension of Questions

All questions have an S2: Structure Dimension of questions incorporated in them, in that an open or closed question may be chosen. After first deciding the subject matter and the structure of a question, the choice is then between asking an S3 Question or an S4 Question, or a combination of both.

S3: Seeking Information Dimension of Questions

A question from the S3: Seeking Information Dimension of questions is a simple linear question that clarifies existing information or introduces information that is either previously known, or is not already known, by each of the parties. An S3 question strategically targets the information that is required from the parties for the conversations that take place during a mediation process.

S4: Shift Thinking Dimension of Questions

Questions from the S4: Shift Thinking Dimension of questions are designed to uncover information that specifically creates new insight for the parties. The intention is to shift their thinking so that they look at the other party and their conflict in a different light. This is what is known as a paradigm shift.

While there are eight S4 questions and they are presented in the model in a certain order, each S4 question is a stand-alone question with its own unique purpose. Each S4 category of question may also be linked with each of the other seven categories of questions to achieve a specific outcome.

In general, the S4 questions move from hearing what happened and how a party interpreted it and acted upon it, to distilling and exploring the information presented, to making connections with other experiences or events. The questions help to identify any inner conflict or inconsistencies within a party, to safely teasing out alternative perspectives. They identify the core of a problem and facilitate the creation of a future without the problems of the past.

Premise on Which the S Questions Model Has Been Developed

The S Questions Model is designed on the premise that:

1. A paradigm shift may not be achieved by asking a simple linear question that looks for information, but a specific S4: Shift thinking question may be required.

2. The information that has formed the perspective and actions of a party may be deficient or distorted.

3. Parties approach their conflict based on their own subjective perspectives and that incisive questions need to be asked to facilitate them to look at their conflict, and their response to that conflict, from a different perspective.

4. Initial separate private meetings will take place between the mediator and each of the parties, both prior to bringing them together for a joint meeting and during a joint meeting, as needed.

5. To create safety, some of the questions in the model may need to be tested during the initial separate private meeting or in a private meeting during a joint session.

6. The decision to hold separate meetings during a joint meeting needs to be based on the needs of the mediation process and the parties, rather than on any specific model of mediation learned by the reader.

7. If a mediator inadvertently touches on a party’s past trauma, then they need to slowly and gently name the fact that they have touched on it, acknowledge that it must have caused deep pain and then, after some seconds of quiet reflection, ask what needs to be in place so that the future for that party does not have the problems of the past.

Figure: 1.1.

Figure: 1.2.

The Purpose of Mediation Questions

The purpose of asking questions in mediation is to reveal new information and insight to parties in conflict so that a paradigm shift in their thinking and approach occurs. When parties present to mediation, they are usually holding an entrenched position that often presumes that the conflict is the fault of the other party and that the only way it can be solved is by the other party changing their position or behavior.

Each party creates their conflict case based on their own unique perspectives, interpretations and subjective realities. This makes it inevitable that parties will hold an entrenched position and may not understand the perspective or position of the other. Hence the importance of asking exploratory and incisive questions to bring new information to the mediation process, and to gently challenge the perspectives of each of the parties. This is how parties can gain new insight that leads to a paradigm shift in their perspective.

Paradigm and Perspective

A paradigm is how we see, interpret and understand our world, and our role in it, and how we understand the roles of others. It is our view of the world and how it should be, and our model or template from which we make sense of our world.

Our individual and unique paradigm is our reference point for interpreting information and giving meaning to what happens in it. It is a way of organizing, classifying and condensing sensory information to help us to understand our world.

The Formation of Our Paradigm

Our paradigm has been uniquely customized in line with:

• The beliefs and values that we developed from our experiences during our formation, about ourselves, others and our world; and

• The experiences of the significant others in our lives and how their values and beliefs were portrayed to us and internalized by us; and

• Our culture, education, religion, race and any other condtioning influence that contributed to us being who we are.

Perspectives

Our paradigm influences our perspectives which, in turn, filter incoming information, so that we see and experience our world in the way we expect to see and experience it, according to our paradigm. Our filters are conditioned by our experiences as we learn about our surroundings throughout our lives. Paradigms often limit and color our perceptions and awareness, resulting in us finding it hard to see something that does not conform to our basic assumptions.

It is important to note that stored memories are memories of our perceptions or subjective realities, not memories of reality.

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are — or, as we are conditioned to see it.

— Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
Powerful Lessons in Personal Change¹

Paradigm Shift

A paradigm shift is when we change our thinking, perspective and understanding about a situation. In mediation, this can result in a change in our approach to the conflict and our response to it.

Example of a Paradigm Shift

In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey² describes experiencing a paradigm shift in his thinking and approach:

I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly — some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too.

So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago, I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”...

Table of contents

• COVER PAGE
• TITLE PAGE
• COPYRIGHT PAGE
• CONTENTS
• ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
• GLOSSARY
• INTRODUCTION
• SECTION 1: The S Questions Model — Theory
• SECTION 2: Practical Application of the S Questions Model
• SECTION 3: Practical Application of S1, S2 and S3 Questions
• SECTION 4: Practical Application of S4 Questions
• ENDNOTES
• INDEX
• ABOUT THE AUTHORS
• A NOTE ABOUT THE PUBLISHER