Shut Your Monkey

How to Control Your Inner Critic and Get More Done

Danny Gregory

• Publisher: HOW Books
• Year: 2016
• eBook ISBN: 9781440341175
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Design General

Hear that voice inside your head?
The one that nitpicks all your new ideas?
That's your monkey. This hypercritical little critter loves to make you second-guess yourself. It stirs up doubt. It kills your creativity. But it can be stopped. And acclaimed author Danny Gregory is here to show you how.After battling it out with his own monkey, he knows how to shut yours down. Gregory provides insight into the inner workings of your inner critic and teaches you how to put it in its place. Soon you'll be able to silence that voice and do what you want to do—create.Now follow his lead and Shut Your Monkey.

Taming the Monkey

KILLING THE MONKEY

Thanks for sticking with me this far, but now let’s get to the reason you bought this book. Let’s explore some strategies for dealing with this voice in your head.

Be forewarned, we are not going to surgically remove your monkey. He is a part of what has made you you. But he can become an increasingly unimportant part of you, like your appendix or a skateboarding scar. Like an old, corrosive friend you are slowly losing touch with.

This process of shutting your monkey is just that, a gradual closing down of habit and a reorientation of how you see the world. Don’t let the monkey tell you it’s all or nothing. He loves to impose rules and extremes. You can choose not to. Life is a series of waves and movements, moods and feelings come and go. If you acknowledge that, you can embrace it. Sometimes you’ll feel anger or sameness, but this will pass. The same with happiness, a yen for a donut, or lust for your next-door neighbor.

Happiness isn’t something to lock down and keep in a cage. It isn’t a distant finish line either. But you can choose it more often than not and you can live in a way that isn’t pass/fail.

The monkey is scared, rigid, and crouching in the dark.

But you are a flexible, adaptive, and happy creature living here in the now.

FIGHT!

The monkey’s in one corner and you’re in another. Now what? Let’s begin with the most obvious strategy, one you might already have tried: Take him on. Debate him. Listen to his charges and show him he’s wrong. Put him on trial.

Ask the monkey to take the stand. But this time, bring your inner lawyer to grill him, to dissect his arguments, one-by-one. You’ll proceed calmly. Pay attention to the monologue. Don’t engage, just observe.

Let’s think of a typical situation: You’re at work and you have an idea. You love it. In your gut, it feels right.

The monkey says,

“Your boss is gonna hate this.”

Now what?

You say, “Okay, I am imagining that my boss will hate this.” That’s all it is right now, right? Your imagination. Your boss hasn’t actually seen it or hated it. You just have the monkey’s word on that. And he’s a fictional character.

So, let’s pretend that your boss does hate it, then what happens?

Your monkey says,

“Maybe he’ll fire your ass.”

Okay, let’s go with it. Then what?

“He won’t give you a reference and you won’t be able to ever find another job.”

And?

“You’ll go broke and lose your home.”

Okay, then what?

“You’ll have to live in the street and you’ll end up drinking cheap wine and huffing lighter fluid.”

Huh, alright . . .

“Another bum will toss a cigarette butt and you’ll catch fire and burn to death and stray dogs will pee on your ashes.”

Wow, all because of this one idea you just had? Seriously? That must be one powerful idea.

Notice that the monkey’s monologue is always shifting and that it is unreal. It’s not what’s actually going on. It’s okay to hear the fantasy, but know that it is one. It’s not real, just imagination.

TAKE YOURSELF TO COFFEE

So, how did that strategy work? It was satisfying perhaps, flushing out the absurdity of the monkey’s logic, but it’s not really the answer for which we’re looking.

Here’s the problem. Even though you may have come back at all the monkey’s arguments, the effects are short-lived. You can win a street brawl, but you’ll walk away dirty, scraped, your heart racing, a sour taste in your mouth. You can’t do this every day. By embracing the monkey, you are tarred with cynicism, pessimism, anxiety, and negativity. It’s infectious. And it won’t help you do the work you need to do.

So have a look at the issues the monkey has raised and work through them on your own. It could be worth it, because buried deep within this critique is a wonderful opportunity to make better work.

Let’s say you just had an experience that the monkey tells you was a horrible disaster, a failure of epic proportions that reveals how hopeless you are. Instead of being self-critical, be self-analytical. Start by avoiding value judgments; just use neutral descriptions.

Imagine your best friend asks you to have coffee with her. Then she tells you that she’s been told she’s worthless, inept, untalented and stupid. What would you say? Can you do the same for you?

Think about what the monkey’s voice is warning you against. What is the fear? What are you really afraid of? Write it down. Describe it in detail. More detail. Keep peeling the onion. What lies behind the monkey’s fear? What is the change, the risk, the newness that it is fighting? If it tells you that you won’t be any good at the task at hand, what’s the underlying fear?

Dig beyond the monkey’s hysteria and see if you can flush out the legitimate problem.

Are there professional skills you need to hone? Are your plans currently unrealistic? Do you need more resources? More time to think through your plan?

If this is the verdict on some work you did or an action you took, write down what specifically happened. Is the problem that the situation didn’t work out the way you expected? Why did you want that result? What would happen if things turn out differently? Is there anything you can take from that? Any lessons? Any opportunities? Use this assessment and this conversation with yourself as a good thing: a lesson, a creative opportunity, a way to grow.

Then turn the intensity of your feeling of fear and disappointment into fuel for the next chapter. Be grateful that soon you’ll be able to do fresh work that’s even better. This critique is not a reflection on you. It’s an opportunity for self-analysis and self-improvement. It’s a gift.

Thanks, Monkey.

SET UP A SCOREBOARD

You have accomplished a huge amount in your life—accomplishments the monkey may deny, diminish or dismiss. So once and for all, it’s time to paint a more accurate picture of yourself.

Create a list of everything you have ever accomplished. All the significant things, personal and public. What you overcame in your childhood, the academic successes, the titles, the assets, all of it. Include a copy of a congratulatory e-mail from a boss, a client recommendation, a thank-you note, your report card.

If you must, juxtapose it with your failures. And then add a third column: the lessons you’ve learned from those failures. Did they, in fact, lead to more incredible accomplishments?

You’re pretty great. Keep score.

Make sure to keep your scoreboard handy and reference it whenever you need perspective.

MEET THE HONEYBEE

We’ve tried to fight the monkey head-on by analyzing his charges. Did that work for you? If so, awesome, put this book aside for now. But I think you’ll find that spending lots of time defen...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• The Voice in Your Head
• Meet Your Monkey
• What Does Your Monkey Want?
• Creativity and the Monkey
• Taming the Monkey
• Where Will You Ride?
• More Books Monkeys Hate
• About the Author
• Copyright