Girl Up

Laura Bates

• Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
• Year: 2016
• eBook ISBN: 9781471149511
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Feminism & Feminist Theory
• Index: Social Sciences

They told you you need to be thin and beautiful. They told you to wear longer skirts, avoid going out late at night and move in groups - never accept drinks from a stranger, and wear shoes you can run in more easily than heels. They told you to wear just enough make-up to look presentable but not enough to be a slut; to dress to flatter your apple, pear, hourglass figure, but not to be too tarty. They warned you that if you try to be strong, or take control, you'll be shrill, bossy, a ballbreaker. Of course it's fine for the boys, but you should know your place. They told you 'that's not for girls' - 'take it as a compliment' - 'don't rock the boat' - 'that'll go straight to your hips'. They told you 'beauty is on the inside', but you knew they didn't really mean it. Well I'm here to tell you something different. Hilarious, jaunty and bold, GIRL UP exposes the truth about the pressures surrounding body image, the false representations in media, the complexities of a sex and relationships, the trials of social media and all the other lies they told us.

CHAPTER ONE

FAKEBOOK, FITTER AND INSTAGLAM

Before social media, the internet was a bit like an electronic version of a library. It provided a lot of information at your fingertips, a wealth of documents on obscure topics, old news reports and some sneaky snuggling in the back. Since social media arrived, internet users have stepped inside the screen and become part of its content. Suddenly our lives, our looks, our relationships, our meals and our cats are open to scrutiny. Suddenly we all know when a guy we were at primary school with is contemplating whether to have a biscuit or not. Suddenly we have become the material other people are poring over. The internet has become less like a library and more like a computer game, where you steer your character through different challenges and compete to earn social points and level up. But the game is very different for girls than it is for guys . . .

STEP 1: Select your avatar

For guys: This can be pretty much any nice picture of you.

+10 bonus points for getting started so quickly.

For girls: Think carefully. This picture will have a serious impact on your success as you proceed through the game. What?! NOT THAT ONE! Are you serious?

+3 points if you reveal some flesh

+5 points if you reveal cleavage or legs

–5 points if the cleavage is too low and considered slutty

–10 points if you reveal both legs and cleavage

+6 points for an arty Instagram filter

–8 points if your picture looks too filtered and fake

You just lost 5 hours’ sleep and skipped 3 homework assignments: LOSE A LIFE

STEP 2: Set up a social media account

For guys: +5 bonus points for quickly attracting 100 followers: LEVEL UP

For girls: –5 points for failing to attract as many followers as your male peers

10 minutes after setting up your account you receive your first unsolicited dick pic: LOSE A LIFE

STEP 3: Create your first post – a comment on a recent news story

For guys: Your post is ‘liked’ or reblogged/retweeted/shared 15 times +10 points

For girls: Someone writes a sarcastic sexist comment on your post –5 points

Someone questions whether you actually know anything about the topic –7 points

STEP 4: Post an artistic picture that happens to show the merest edge of your nipple

For guys: Your post is liked a few times +5 points

For girls: Your account is suspended for 2 weeks –10 points

STEP 5: Post a strong opinion about something

For guys: Several people like and agree with your post +5 points

A few people disagree and post their own points of view –2 points

For girls: Receive 3 rape threats –40 points

If you are LGBT*/disabled/non-white the abuse is worse and mixed with racism/transphobia/ableism/homophobia –40 points

Your post is shared on 4Chan and people start making violent and abusive comments: LOSE A LIFE

Someone finds and posts your home address online –40 points

You report the threats and abuse but the automatic response says they don’t violate community rules –15 points

You are so shocked about the abuse that you screenshot it and post it from your own account to show people how bad it is. Your account is suspended for violating community rules.

GAME OVER

This might sound a bit exaggerated, and of course it’s true that guys can have a hard time online too, but generally speaking this is a pretty realistic picture of the difference between using the internet while presenting as male vs presenting as female.

Studies have found that users are more likely to follow men than women on Twitter,¹ and men are around twice as likely to be retweeted as women.² In lists of the most influential social media users, men almost always dominate. When Australian feminist writer Clementine Ford received a torrent of abusive and misogynistic messages from men on Facebook, she reposted some of them to show how bad the problem was, including screenshots of Facebook saying they didn’t violate community guidelines. But Ford’s own account was suspended for violating the rules.

UK Children’s Laureate Malorie Blackman received a wave of racist and sexist abuse on Twitter just for saying that children’s books ought to have a diverse range of characters. How dare she?

Caroline Criado-Perez received hundreds of rape and death threats because she had the audacity to suggest that it might be nice to have just one woman among the notable people featured on our bank notes. What an outrageous and disgusting suggestion!

Several people have written about experiments they’ve done where they set up two Twitter accounts, one in a woman’s name and one in a man’s. When they tweeted the same opinions on political issues from both accounts, the ‘men’ were listened to, engaged with, and retweeted, but the ‘women’ were questioned, ridiculed, and abused.³

All this makes it sound like the online world isn’t much fun for women and girls. But it can also be an amazing source of support, friendship and information. And pressure is on social media companies to tackle the problem. In the meantime, it’s just sensible to be aware of the potential downsides, though hopefully you won’t experience them yourself. And the good news is that there’s lots you can do to protect yourself and stay safe online.

The easiest way to protect yourself online is to think of the online space as if it were a real space – think of your social media accounts like your home.

If you wouldn’t invite strangers into your home, don’t let people you don’t know access your profiles or accept their friend requests.

If you wouldn’t let a stranger in the street start flicking through the pics on your phone, don’t share images with someone you don’t know online.

You also don’t have to go online if you don’t feel like it – it’s OK to take breaks from social media. In fact, it’s distinctly advisable. If you spend too much time glued to the screen you start to go weirdly electronic and forget how to communicate effectively with real humans (which is a vital skill, especially if you plan to have all the sex). Like when you get too dependent on WhatsApp and when you talk to people face-to-face, instead of using your words you just start going:

or

and you end up being all like:

Where were we? Right, treating the online world like the real one.

If you wouldn’t put up with someone shouting abuse at you outside your house then shut the door on them when they do it online too – block their account.

If a real-life stranger started contacting and following you you’d probably tell a trusted friend or someone who could help – you can do the same if it happens online.

If someone makes you feel unsafe by hanging around, following you from one place to another or harassing you, you can report them to the social media company as well as raising the alarm in real life. If they threaten to hurt or rape you, or seem to be stalking you, you can also report them to the police. These things are just as illegal online as they are in real life.

The way you respond to online harassment is 100 per cent up to you. If it feels powerful to respond or retweet, that’s okay. If you prefer to log off and take a break, that’s fine too.

TOP 10 TIPS FOR STAYING SAFE ONLINE

1. Privacy Settings

All social media accounts come with privacy settings – have a look at them and make sure they are set so that strangers can’t access and view your information. This doesn’t mean your friends won’t be able to find you, but it means you are in control of who sees your stuff.

2. Pictures

You can usually set individual privacy settings for pictures too. Remember, a picture online is a bit like a race horse – once it gets out of the gate there’s no stopping it and also it’s going to eat you out of house and home with all the oats and hay and stuff it needs. (No, wait, that’s just race horses.) Seriously though, even if you delete a picture it could already have been copied and shared by someone else, so the only way to completely control what pictures are out there is to think carefully about what you put up in the first place and what privacy settings you put against it.

3. Passwords

A ‘strong’ password is one nobody else could guess – so don’t use family or pet names, dates of birth etc. Adding numbers and symbols also increases strength, so for example: H£yScumb@gSt0pH@ck1ngMyacc0untY0uL0s3r would be a super strong password. And keep your passwords separate so you have a different one for each online account – that way even if someone hacked into your email or Facebook they wouldn’t be able to access your online banking or your Tumblr.

4. Personal Information

Never put your address, phone number, what school/uni/college you go to or any other personal details online. Don’t give them out to anyone who contacts you online either. ‘Why could you possibly need to know?’ is a solid question to ask here.

5. Two-Step Verification

This is a nifty setting available on most email and social media accounts. It’s a bit of a faff but (like sanitary towels with wings) it’s worth it if you want to stay extra secure. You add a phone number to your account and when you access your profile from a new computer you get a code texted to you to verify it’s you and not someone else trying to get in. Also great for boosting your popularity with all those extra text messages;)

6. Reporting

Social media companies are running a business just like anyone else and they have a responsibility to keep their users safe. If someone is harassing you online or sending abusi...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title page
• Title page
• Copyright page
• Dedication page
• Contents
• Buckle UP
• 1. Fakebook, Fitter and Instaglam
• 2. You Aren’t Your Body
• 3. Making Waves
• 4. ‘Mean Girls’ and Mental Health
• 5. That’s Not Your Vagina
• 6. Don’t Be Shy, Aim High
• 7. Sluts, Unicorns and Other Mythical Creatures
• 8. It’s My Face and I’ll Smile if I Want to
• 9. Clitorish Allsorts
• 10. Circle of Shame
• 11. Porn ≠ Sex
• 12. The F-Word
• Girl UP
• Acknowledgements
• Resources and Further Information
• Notes