Should You Leave?

Peter D. Kramer

• Publisher: Scribner
• Year: 2013
• ISBN:
  9781476737102
• Topic: Psychologie
• Subtopic: Histoire et théorie en psychologie

In his phenomenal bestseller Listening to Prozac, Peter Kramer explored the makeup of the modern self. Now, in his superbly written new book, he focuses his intelligent, compassionate eye on the complexities of partnerships and why intimacy is so difficult for us. With the art of a novelist and the skill of a brilliant psychiatrist, Kramer addresses advice seekers struggling with such complex questions as: How do we choose our partners? How well do we know them? How do mood states affect our assessment of them and theirs of us? What does "working on a relationship" truly entail? When should we try to improve a relationship, and when should we leave? Equally at home with Shakespeare, Emerson, and Kierkegaard as it is with Freud and Jung, Should You Leave? is a literary tour de force from a uniquely insightful observer and a profoundly resonant and helpful approach to resolving dilemmas of the heart.

INDEX

abortion, 229, 254, 270

absolution, advice vs., 43

absorbing states, 269

abusive relationships, 39, 206, 222–42

in childhood, 232

difficulty of advising in, 224–25, 231–32, 241–42

ending, 85, 221, 222–25

gifts for ending, 223–26, 231, 242

mutual projective identification and, 213–14, 219, 221

powerless husbands in, 225–26

see also possession, psychological

Adam and Eve, 94

Adler, Lou, 15–20, 21, 43, 46–47, 109, 122, 123, 126–27, 134, 252–53, 283

as advisee, 277–95

short fiction of, 62, 116–18, 133, 173, 252, 289, 290–91

as teacher and mentor, 18, 29, 40, 42, 61–65, 66–67, 69, 88, 92, 101, 183, 239, 248, 289, 294–95

adoption, 270–71

advice columns, 34–38, 245–46

advising, 15–20, 29–45, 49

in Bowen-style therapy, 102–3

in context of free choice, 54–55

direct speech in, 40–42

duplicitous requests for, 42–43

fear of client and, 85

forms of advice, 123, 127–28, 134

Freud’s views on, 57–61, 295

identity of addressee, 32–34, 36–37, 43–45, 46–47, 86, 296; see also construction, mental

inability to hear and, 174–75

lending strength through, 43

motivations of requests for, 42–45

perspective and, 39–40, 42

precepts, 123, 128–31, 143

problem of obvious in, 56, 57, 60–61, 64–65, 68–72, 286

proscription against, 18, 57–61, 69–72

in psychological possession cases, 224–25, 231–32, 240, 241–42, 305n

resistance to, 282–83

selective inattention and, ...