You Don't Look Fat, You Look Crazy

An Unapologetic Guide to Being Ambitchous

Ashley Longshore

• Publisher: Regan Arts.
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN:
  9781682450444
• eBook ISBN:
  9781682450451
• Topic: Art
• Subtopic: Artist Monographs

“Carpe diem, bitches.” —Ashley Longshore

Pour a glass of champagne, slip off your designer heels, pull up your big girl panties and enjoy pop-artist extraordinaire Ashley Longshore’s unapologetic, raw, and literally laugh-out-loud funny guide to living an “ambitchous” life.

For Ashley Longshore, the path from reluctant Southern Belle to badass artist and aspiring mogul hasn’t always been a smooth one. As a reformed Trophy-Wife-in-Training, Ashley has overcome failure, healed heartbreak, and worked damn hard, all with her signature killer attitude, to conquer the art world one glittery pop-art masterpiece at a time.

You Don’t Look Fat, You Look Crazy is a window into the world of Longshore’s irreverent, glamorous, and stunningly visual pop-art-filled life, where bedazzled flowers sit next to diamonds and Valium boxes, Jesus holds a black Amex and Wonder Woman dresses in Chanel. With tongue-in-cheek advice straight from her canvas, such as  “There’s No Crying At Bergdorf’s,” “Always Ask For More,” and “What Would Blue Ivy Do,” Ashley’s honesty and DGAF attitude will grab you by your Givenchy lapels and hit you across the face with the donut you promised yourself you wouldn’t eat.

So be confident, grab life by the Birkins, embrace your “ambitchion,” and remember, you don’t look fat—you look crazy! 

Table of contents

• Cover
• Dedication
• 1. My Name Is Ashley Motherfucking Longshore
• 2. Painting Masturbating Couples in Montana
• 3. The Boyfriend from Moneyville, USA
• 4. Getting Fired Can Light a Fire
• 5. The Art of Self-Promotion
• 6. A Not-So-Desperate Housewife
• 7. When You Know, You Know
• 8. Superhero Artist Vibes
• 9. Carpe Diem, Bitches
• 10. The A–Z of Being Ambitchous
• Acknowledgments
• About the Artiste / Superpussy / Author
• Copyright