Who Is My Self?

A Guide to Buddhist Meditation

Khema

• Publisher: Wisdom Publications
• Year: 1997
• ISBN:
  9781614290315
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Buddhism

Self-transformation is an essential element in all forms of Buddhist meditation--from Tantra to Zen. Ayya Khema, author of the best-selling Being Nobody, Going Nowhere, uses one of the earliest Buddhist suttas to guide us along the path of the oldest Buddhist meditative practice for understanding the nature of "self." By following the Buddha's explanation with clear, insightful examples from her years of teaching meditation, she guides us back and forth between the relative understanding and higher realizations of the Buddhist concept of "self." Her thoughtful contemplation of the Buddha's radical understanding of "self" and her practical advice for achieving insight offer the reader a profound understanding of the "self." Both beginning and advanced practitioners will greatly benefit from Ayya Khema's warm and down-to-earth exposition of the Buddha's meditation on "self."

1

The Beginning: Morality

In the Therav›dan tradition, we use the Pali Canon as our foundation for the words of the Buddha. Pali was the language spoken by the Buddha and is a derivative of Sanskrit. The difference between the two is similar to the difference between Latin and Italian. Sanskrit was spoken by learned scholars, and Pali, or a dialect akin to it, was spoken by ordinary folk. This teaching is grounded in a tradition that is two thousand five hundred years old.

The Pali Canon is also called the Tipi˛aka. Ti means “three” and pi˛aka means “basket.” The Three Baskets are the Vinaya, the rules and discipline for monks and nuns; the Suttas, the Buddha’s discourses; and the Abhidhamma, the higher philosophy of the teaching. The reason for the name is that the Tipi˛aka was first written down on dried banana palm, or “ola” leaves. When dried, they become brittle but are still reasonably solid. Using a stylo, which resembles a screwdriver with a very fine point, the letters of the text were scratched into the ola leaves. Then the juice of a particular kind of berry was rubbed over the leaf and the excess removed; the dark indentation of the letters remained. This same process is still used in Sri Lanka to this day, where a certain monastery always keeps a set of the entire Tipi˛aka, handwritten on ola leaves. The monks repeatedly copy the texts from old leaves onto new ones, as the old ones decay. The leaves are held together with a heavy wood binding at top and bottom, and the parts are laced together. Should there be a donor, the wooden top-piece is often decorated with gold or silver in honor of the Buddha’s words. These are not books as we know them and cannot be carried in one’s hand or under the arm. Originally they were put into three baskets which were then carried around. This is how the Pali Canon was named the Tipi˛aka, or Three Baskets.

Throughout this book we shall be using an excellent English translation of the Long Discourses of the Buddha, the Digha Nik›ya.¹ Nik›ya means “collection” and digha means “long.” Many years after his death, the Buddha’s discourses were divided into five collections: the Majjhima Nik›ya, Medium-Length Sayings; the Digha Nik›ya, the Long Collection; the Anguttara Nik›ya, a numerical assembly; the Samyutta Nik›ya, a thematic collection; and the Khuddaka Nik›ya, which contains everything that did not fit into the first four. These divisions were established simply as an aid to memory.

One reason why the Digha Nik›ya is particularly interesting is that it contains suttas that give us the complete way of practice. We must remember that the Buddha taught on two levels: that of relative truth and that of absolute truth. When we first come into contact with the teachings, we have no idea what absolute truth is, and when we encounter some part of it, our minds boggle at it. Whatever questions we may ask will not be pertinent because we ask them on the level of relative truth and might have to be answered on the level of absolute truth. For example, we may have heard a Zen koan and thought, “What could that possibly mean? It’s nonsense.” But a koan can only be grasped from the standpoint of absolute truth. With that in mind, the meaning is always the same — that there is nothing and nobody there. We can also compare the two levels to the way we speak of familiar objects, such as a table or chair, and the way a physicist might describe them. To us these are pieces of furniture we can use. To the physicist they do not exist as such because the physicist knows they are only particles of matter and energy. Yet that same physicist will go home after work and sit down in a chair and use a table. When the Buddha teaches that there is nothing and nobody there, he is speaking on the level of absolute truth. On that level, our everyday world is an optical and mental illusion. That is the absolute truth. But the Buddha also taught on the relative level. He used words and concepts such as I, me, mine, you. He talked about all the things that concern us, such as karma, the purification of mind and emotions, and mind and body as we know them. We always need to remember that these two very different levels never operate together.

As we go through this particular discourse, we will find how to draw nearer to absolute truth. This is of great importance, for the Buddha promises that once we have realized absolute truth in ourselves, we will be permanently free from dukkha (suffering). The methods and guidelines that the Buddha gives us enable us to go step by step toward an immense and extraordinary realization, which was his own enlightenment experience. Today’s science supports this experience, but it is better put the other way around — the words of the Buddha support today’s science. Most of our scientists are not enlightened beings, although they know the truth that the universe consists of nothing but particles that come together and fall apart. Yet they have not realized that the one who knows, is exactly the same. If they had included themselves in their observations, these scientists would have been enlightened long ago and very probably teaching enlightenment rather than physics! We may have read or heard of all these things, we may be greatly interested in them, but without knowing how to proceed, this will be of little use to us. The great boon of the Buddha’s teaching is that he gives us practical, step-by-step advice on how to follow the path.

The sutta I have chosen is known as the Po˛˛hap›da Sutta. Many of the suttas are named after the person to whom the Buddha was speaking and whose questions he was answering. This sutta is subtitled “States of Consciousness.”

Most suttas start with the phrase “Thus have I heard,” in Pali, evam me suttam, and the reason for this is that they were recited. At the Great Council of Arahants three months after the death of the Buddha, the recitation of each sutta contained information on where it had been taught, who was present, and a description of the prevailing situation. All this was included, so that the listening monks would be reminded of the occasion and would be able to agree or disagree with that particular oral transmission, and if necessary could suggest changes.

Thus have I heard. Once the Lord was staying at S›vatthi, in Jeta’s Grove, in An›thapi˚˜ika’s Park.

Anathapindika was a very rich merchant. When he heard the Buddha speak he was immediately fascinated and convinced. He decided to buy a monastery for the Buddha and his disciples, who up to that time had been wanderers. He found a beautiful mango grove, which belonged to a Prince Jeta. The prince, however, refused to sell. Anathapindika persisted, returning a second and third time to ask if he might purchase it. Finally, the prince told him that he could have it if he covered every inch of ground with gold coins. Anathapindika ordered his servants to bring barrels of gold coins and lay them down on the surface of the mango grove. The story goes that he ran out of coins while there was still one small area left uncovered, and when he told Prince Jeta of this, the prince agreed to give him this piece as a discount. To purchase the mango grove took one-third of Anathapindika’s fortune. He spent another third on building and furnishing huts — though furniture in those days was simply some hooks on the walls, candles, and a hay-filled sack for a bed. The Buddha passed twenty-five “rain retreats” at Anathapindika’s monastery. The rains retreat takes place during the three months of the rainy season in India. It is a time when monks and nuns are instructed to stay within their monasteries to study and meditate. The tradition came about because in the Buddha’s time, all monks and nuns went on alms rounds to get their food. During the rainy season the small rice plants are transplanted in water and are quite hidden. The farmers complained to the Buddha that the monks and nuns trampled on their rice plants, and, as there were thousands of monks and nuns, this could result in a famine. The Buddha then decreed the rains retreat, during which time devoted disciples could bring food to the monasteries. The practice is observed to this day.

And at that time the wanderer Po˛˛aph›da was at the debating-hall near the Tinduka tree, in the single-halled park of Queen Mallik›, with a large crowd of about three hundred wanderers.

A monk from a different tradition was often referred to in the suttas simply as a wanderer or ascetic. Queen Mallik›, who had apparently offered this hall to the wanderers, was the wife of King Pasenadi, and both were devoted followers of the Buddha.

Then the Lord, rising early, took his robe and bowl and went to S›vatthi for alms. But it occurred to him: “It is too early to go to S›vatthi for alms. Suppose I were to go to the debating-hall to see the wanderer Po˛˛hap›da?” And he did so.

It was too early to go for alms because the people would not have the food prepared yet. S›vatthi is often mentioned in the suttas because the monastery donated by Anathapindika was in that vicinity. Though the Buddha taught only in the north of India, his teaching has since spread to numerous other countries throughout Asia and is being established in Europe, the United States, Australia, and New Zealand.

There Po˛˛hap›da was sitting with his crowd of wanderers, all shouting and making a great commotion, indulging in various kinds of unedifying conversation… .

Now follow all the topics that are not worthy subjects for spiritual seekers: “such as about kings, robbers, ministers…” — politics, in other words, which usually creates divisive opinions; “armies, dangers, wars…”; — gruesome and cruel events that burden the mind; “food, drink…” — which could foster sensual desire; “clothes, beds, garlands, perfumes…” — personal decorations to enhance one’s appearance, while beds might convey the idea of sex; “relatives, carriages, villages, towns and cities, countries…” — such conversation would not be inspiring or uplifting, and would support attachment and identification. “[W]omen…” — these were all celibate monks, whose minds should not grasp at any features of the opposite sex. For nuns the converse would have applied. “[H]eroes…” — perhaps for us it would be pop-stars! “[S]treet and well gossip…” — even today, in so-called third-world countries, the well is an important meeting place. Houses have no running water, so neighbors meet at the well and exchange all the latest news and gossip, which often results in backbiting or defamation. “[T]alk of the departed, desultory chat, speculations about land and sea, talk of being and nonbeing…” — these are all topics that, according to the Buddha, should be avoided. They do not bring deep understanding or turn the mind to practice, and have a distracting influence. This list of specific topics has been inserted into the sutta, and the text does not specify which of these the wanderers were discussing. It merely states that they were indulging in unsuitable conversation.

But Po˛˛hap›da saw the Lord coming from a distance, and so he called his followers to order, saying: “Be quiet, gentlemen, don’t make a noise, gentlemen! That ascetic Gotama is coming, and he likes quiet and speaks in praise of quiet. If he sees that this company is quiet, he will most likely want to come and visit us.” At this the wanderers fell silent.

Clearly Po˛˛hap›da was keen that the Buddha should come to see them, and he voices how pleased he is in the next paragraph.

Then the Lord came to Po˛˛hap›da, who said: “Come, reverend Lord, welcome, reverend Lord! At last the reverend Lord has gone out of his way to come here. Be seated, Lord, a seat is prepared.”

The Lord sat down on the prepared seat, and Po˛˛hap›da took a low stool and sat down to one side. The Lord said: “Po˛˛hap›da, what were you all talking about? What conversation have I interrupted?”

The Buddha wanted to know their concerns, so he could help them with any questions.

Po˛˛hap›da replied: “Lord, never mind the conversation we were having just now, it will not be difficult for the Lord to hear about that later.”

He does not want to tell the Buddha what they were talking about because he wants an explanation of something far more important.

In the past few days, Lord, the discussion among the ascetics and Brahmins of various schools, sitting together and meeting in the debating hall, has concerned the higher extinction of consciousness, and how this takes place.

This higher extinction of consciousness is nirodha. It is sometimes referred to as the ninth jh›na, which is the cessation of feeling and perception. (We shall be looking closely at the jh›nas in later chapters.) Po˛˛hap›da is interested in this topic because in India at that time it was believed to be the highest possible state that could be reached on the spiritual path. In Pali, it is called abhisaññ›nirodha. Abi means “higher,” saññ› means “perception,” and nirodha is the description of these concentrated states, which translates into “highest extinction of consciousness (perception).” As far as Po˛˛hap›da and his wanderers were concerned, it was the peak of spiritual experience, and they were anxious to learn more about it. Po˛˛hap›da continues:

Some said: “One’s perceptions arise and cease without cause or condition. When they arise, one is conscious, when they cease, then one is unconscious.”

Po˛˛hap›da is saying that he has heard that the extinction of consciousness leads to unconsciousness. This is a crucial misunderstanding. Not unconsciousness, but a ceasing of perception and feeling is experienced. The Buddha will go on to explain this later in the sutta.

That is how they explained it. But somebody else said: “No, that is not how it is. Perceptions are a person’s self, which comes and goes. When it comes, one is conscious; when it goes, one is unconscious.”

Po˛˛hap›da repeats someone else’s opinion and is using the word for “highest perception of the extinction of consciousness,” which in this context is entirely wrong, as the Buddha will tell him later.

Another said: “That is not how it is. There are ascetics and Brahmins of great powers, of great influence. They draw down consciousness into a man and withdraw it. When they draw it down into him, he is conscious; when they withdraw it, he is unconscious.” And another said: “No, that is not how it is. There are deities of great powers, of great influence. They draw down consciousness into a man and withdraw it. When they draw it down into him, he is conscious; when they withdraw it, he is unconscious.”

There has alwa...