The User's Guide to Spiritual Teachers

Scott Edelstein

• Publisher: Wisdom Publications
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9780861716104
• eBook ISBN: 9781614294184
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Buddhism

A wise and practical quickstart guide for anyone who wants—or already has—a spiritual teacher. The User's Guide to Spiritual Teachers is a necessary book for anyone who has, or wants to have, a spiritual teacher—regardless of faith or tradition.This book addresses concerns that many of us have on the spiritual path, including how to find a spiritual teacher, how to manage expectations about what they can do, and what to do when you realize you're in a dangerous relationship with one. Spiritual teachers of all traditions will themselves find this book incredibly useful as they reflect on how they benefit their students or may be overstepping their boundaries and actually creating harm. This is your place to look for information, inspiration, sanity, and words of caution.

Basic Wisdom

1

Don’t go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, “This contemplative is our teacher.” When you know for yourselves that “These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted and carried out, lead to welfare and to happiness” — then you should enter and remain in them.

BUDDHA

Life is not a problem to be solved. It is a blessing to be celebrated.

JOAN CHITTISTER

A true spiritual teacher does not have anything to teach in the conventional sense of the word, does not have anything to give or add to you, such as new information, beliefs, or rules of conduct. The only function of such a teacher is to help you remove that which separates you from the truth. . . . The words are no more than signposts.

ECKHART TOLLE

There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground; there are a thousand ways to go home again.

RUMI

A spiritual teacher is a living, breathing human being, with normal human emotions, impulses, and desires.

It’s easy to imagine that spiritual teachers are different from us in some basic way — that they have somehow transcended fear, loneliness, grief, and all the other emotions most of us work so hard to suppress or avoid.

In my own early days with spiritual teachers, I imagined that they were happy and serene more or less all the time. I couldn’t accept what should have been obvious: that they feel the same emotional pain (and pleasure) that all of us do. I also couldn’t see that, unlike so many of us, the best of them don’t expend much effort trying to avoid the pain or grab on to the pleasure. Instead, they let their emotions — pleasant and unpleasant — arise, pass through them, and blow away like fog.

This is what many of the best spiritual teachers will help you learn to do as well.

An authentic spiritual teacher is concerned with both helping you and serving the world.

Spiritual and religious practices are much more than self-improvement — though self-improvement is often one of their fruits.

When I first began studying with a spiritual teacher, I wanted to acquire all kinds of goodies: insight, wisdom, inner peace, mental clarity, and heightened spiritual health. I even wanted to get really good at transcending myself.

Every one of these goals was about me and the spiritual booty I hoped to accumulate. Part of the job of my first two teachers was to help me see the acquisitiveness of the approach I was taking. Another part was to help me realize my inseparability from the rest of the world — and to see that, as human beings, we must serve as well as be served.

Today, many spiritual teachers promote spirituality as a way to relax, reduce stress, or create more personal power or effectiveness. While there’s nothing wrong with learning these — or any other useful skill — they do little to help us see beyond our habitual, narrow definitions of ourselves and our roles in the world.

Some spiritual teachers can do much more: they can help us grow more deeply into ourselves and be of greater service to the world. And as we serve the world, doing what we are called to do — whether it’s designing a helpful newsletter, teaching kids basic financial skills, or being with people as they die — we can forget ourselves and, paradoxically, become ourselves more completely.

Perhaps the ancient sage Hillel said it best: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I?”

Learning from spiritual teachers means building a personal relationship with them — but this doesn’t always mean you have to live (or travel to) where they are.

In a person-to-person relationship with a spiritual teacher, you’ll typically pose questions, ask for spiritual guidance, and learn from the teacher’s actions, words, and way of being. The teacher, in turn, will get to know your needs, habits, inclinations, and ways of thinking and being. This will enable them to be as helpful to you as possible.

Although this process usually involves some regular face-to-face contact, some teachers and students who are separated by long distances communicate quite effectively by Skype, FaceTime, phone, letters, or email. So don’t let distance or national borders discourage you. If you’d like to study with someone long distance, ask if that might be possible.

That said, a student-teacher relationship rarely grows in a vacuum. The great majority of spiritual teachers are part of spiritual communities. Being actively engaged in such a community, even long distance, has many additional benefits and challenges. (I’ll discuss these in some detail in chapter 8.) Ask your teacher how this engagement might be possible, in spite of your physical distance.

Also never forget that, with or without the support of a spiritual community, the world in front of your face can teach you a great deal. You don’t have to trek halfway around the world to find wisdom.

Be careful not to judge spiritual teachers by their day jobs.

The great majority of spiritual teachers work at something in addition to their teaching or mentoring. Some lead congregations. Others work at jobs where they connect to other human hearts, minds, and/or bodies as therapists, bodyworkers, healers, or secular teachers.

However, some very good teachers have entirely unrelated day jobs. I’ve known spiritual teachers whose day jobs included van driver, soybean researcher, special effects designer, housewife, and animal control officer. Usually teachers hold these jobs for the same reasons most of us do: to pay the bills and to keep themselves and their families fed.

It’s best not to worry about what a spiritual teacher does to earn a living (provided it’s honest and honorable). Do, however, carefully observe how they live their life. While it’s unfair (and foolish) to expect them to be perfect, they should be sane, ethical, and compassionate. The more integrated and wholesome their life is, and the more they seem to live by what they teach, the more valuable their teaching is likely to be.

That said, many good spiritual teachers spend long hours in their teaching roles — and, as a result, they don’t always get the sleep, relaxation, or leisure they need. Some may urge people to take good care of their own health; then they go home, sleep only a few hours, and get up and go straight back to work. Many otherwise wise and grounded spiritual teachers struggle with this occupational hazard.

Don’t judge a spiritual teacher by how well known they are, how many books they have published, or how many students they have.

Like members of all professions, spiritual teachers range from wise, authentic, and wonderfully helpful to incompetent, deeply deluded, or outright fraudulent. They also, of course, range from internationally famous to unknown.

Although fame and ability often go together, sometimes the opposite is the case. In fact, charismatic charlatans, predators, and narcissists often attract very large numbers of followers.

When making a decision about a spiritual teacher, it’s best to ignore their popularity (or lack of it). Instead, observe them carefully as you and others interact with them, and evaluate what you see with your own heart and mind.

It’s also a good idea to ask about a teacher’s experience, training, and formal credentials. For example, who was (or is) their own teacher? Where, for how long, and with whom did they study or train? Have they been formally authorized to teach? If so, by what person or institution? Do they have a degree, certificate, or other such credential? How long have they been teaching?

Of course, credentials and experience don’t tell the whole story. Most of us know some incompetent, uncompassionate people who have first-class formal credentials — as well as some very wise and talented folks with few such credentials. So by all means dig for information, but trust the messages from your head, heart, and gut most of all.

In general, good spiritual teachers have considerable talents and insight in addition to (or, in rare cases, instead of) official credentials and experience. If a teacher lacks such credentials or experience, it’s a good idea to be extremely cautious. But it’s also wise to look beyond those credentials, to qualities and abilities that matter even more: humility, wisdom, compassion, transparency, openness, and a willingness to serve.

Every spiritual teacher makes mistakes, both large and small.

All human beings are fallible, precisely because they’re human. Being ordained as a priest or monk or nun — or having formal credentials as a spiritual teacher — doesn’t change this.

Even the wisest and most experienced spiritual teachers make the same kind — and often the same amount — of everyday errors as the rest of us. So don’t be surprised or shocked when they overcook the oatmeal, drop a vase, give you poor directions, say “uncle” when they mean “cousin,” or back their car into a telephone pole.

Your teacher may also make some small but well-intentioned mistakes in guiding you — for example, recommending a book that you find unhelpful and dull, or emphasizing a certain point because they’ve confused you with someone else. If they do this occasionally, forgive them (and correct them as necessary). If they do it repeatedly, however, or if their mistake is a significant one — such as prescribing a spiritual practice that ultimately injures you — speak to them directly about it. If necessary, consider finding a different teacher.

How a teacher handles their mistakes will also teach you a great deal about them. If they recognize and admit to their mistakes quickly, that’s a positive sign. If they also speak publicly about their weaknesses, limitations, and blind spots, that’s even better.

In contrast, a teacher who rarely says “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry” or “I don’t know” will often get themselves and their students into deep, painful trouble.

Every teacher has some bad habits, physical flaws, eccentric interests, and harmless quirks.

Subconsciously, many of us believe that a good spiritual teacher doesn’t do any of the minor things we might personally disapprove of — e.g., drink alcohol, smoke, overeat, or support a different political party than we do. In real life, though, they often do. When it comes to such minor things, set aside your disapproval as best you can.

But when it comes to genuinely important issues — such as living by what they teach or treating their students with respect — let your discernment guide you.

We may also imagine that spiritual insight somehow generates physical attractiveness, good luck, youthfulness, excellent physical health, or protection from physical harm. And we might assume that every worthy spiritual teacher has a good deal of charisma, and/or first-rate speaking and presenting skills.

Yet spiritual insight is not particularly related to any of the above. Many good teachers do have lots of charisma, but others are humble and unassuming. Some are very good speakers and presenters — but, in many cases, they built those skills long before becoming spiritual teachers.

Certainly it’s a good idea to avoid — or run away from — any teacher who is a practicing addict, or who seems self-centered or mentally unbalanced. Otherwise, though, let your teacher be eccentric. Give yourself the same permission as well.

There’s nothing wrong with a spiritual teacher charging money for what they do, so long as their fees are reasonable and transparent.

A spiritual teacher’s time and effort are valuable, just as yours are. Why shouldn’t they be entitled to charge reasonable fees and to make an honest (but not lavish) living from them?

That said, a spiritual teacher’s mission is to help people live deeper lives and serve the world. If you sense that a teacher is simply trying to maximize their revenue, think seriously about finding a new teacher.

Some spiritual teachers don’t charge set fees at all. Instead, they put out a donation box, along with a small sign that says something like, “Teachings are given freely; financial ...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Table of Contents
• How This Book Can Help
• 1. Basic Wisdom
• 2. Expectations, Assumptions, and Misconceptions
• 3. Relating to Your Teacher
• 4. Red Flags and Warning Signs
• 5. The Off-Duty Spiritual Teacher
• 6. Some FAQs
• 7. Life Balance
• 8. Spiritual Community
• 9. Opening to Life
• 10. Saying Goodbye
• Appendix: When You’re the New Kid at the Spiritual Center
• Useful Resources
• Some Final Words of Gratitude
• About the Author
• Copyright