I Am Nobody's Slave

How Uncovering My Family's History Set Me Free

Lee Hawkins

• Publisher: Amistad
• Year: 2025
• Print ISBN: 9780062823168
• eBook ISBN: 9780062823182
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Social Science Biographies
• Index: Social Sciences

“Harrowing and insightful. . . . A profound work about the Black experience and white oppression.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“This work is vitally important and essential to understanding the magnitude of the impact of racism and violence.”—Library Journal (starred review)

“Gripping, thought-provoking, and personal, I Am Nobody's Slave will inspire discussion and action in response to its powerful message of inner healing and social justice.”—Booklist

A 2022 Pulitzer Prize finalist and former Wall Street Journal writer exhaustively examines his family’s legacy of post-enslavement trauma and resilience, in this riveting memoir—a soulful, shocking, and spellbinding read that blends the raw power of Natasha Tretheway’s Memorial Drive and the insights of Clint Smith’s How the Word is Passed.

I Am Nobody’s Slave tells the story of one Black family's pursuit of the American Dream through the impacts of systemic racism and racial violence. This book examines how trauma from enslavement and Jim Crow shaped their outlook on thriving in America, influenced each generation, and how they succeeded despite these challenges.

To their suburban Minnesotan neighbors, the Hawkinses were an ideal American family, embodying strength and success. However, behind closed doors, they faced the legacy of enslavement and apartheid. Lee Hawkins, Sr. often exhibited rage, leaving his children anxious and curious about his protective view of the world. Thirty years later, his son uncovered the reasons for his father’s anxiety and occasional violence. Through research, he discovered violent deaths in his family for every generation since slavery, mostly due to white-on-Black murders, and how white enslavers impacted the family’s customs.

Hawkins explores the role of racism-triggered childhood trauma and chronic stress in shortening his ancestors' lives, using genetic testing, reporting, and historical data to craft a moving family portrait. This book shows how genealogical research can educate and heal Americans of all races, revealing through their story the story of America—a journey of struggle, resilience, and the heavy cost of ultimate success.

Table of contents

• Dedication
• Epigraph
• Contents
• A Note on Language and Terminology
• Part 1: Black Boy in Maplewood, USA
• 1: Hawkins
• 2: The Bleeding Tongue
• 3: Maplewood, USA
• 4: Becoming Buckwheat
• 5: Nazi Land
• 6: The Living Room Plantation
• 7: Dichotomy
• 8: Pink Slips and Whips
• 9: The Separation
• 10: Soul Food and Sugar
• 11: The John Henry Within Us
• 12: Chest Pains
• 13: White Girls and Their Fathers
• 14: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
• 15: Kings and Queens
• 16: Girls
• 17: The Bus
• 18: Oreo
• Part 2: “I’ll Break Your Neck”
• 19: SchwarzeNIGGER
• 20: Dad’s Diet and Biblical Waterboarding
• 21: The Last Poets, Jack and Jill, Boogie Down Productions, and Me
• 22: Self-Destruction
• 23: Lee Roy Chauvin
• 24: Echoes of Dr. King
• 25: A High Tolerance for Pain
• 26: Urkel
• 27: Hammer in My Hand
• 28: Tiffany
• 29: “Don’t Take My Shoes Off!”
• Part 3: Grandma Charity and Her Children
• 30: The Journey Home
• 31: “You’re Disrespecting Us”
• 32: Six-Figure Nigger
• 33: Nobody’s Slave
• 34: “Everybody Knows the Character of a Negro”
• 35: The Pughs and the Hawkinses
• 36: Faint Clues
• 37: The Tragic Life of “a Negro Girl”
• 38: Overseers
• 39: Lost Recipes
• 40: Whipping, Rape, Torture, and the Separation of Black Families: Cornerstones and Drivers of American Capitalism
• Part 4: What Happened in Alabama?
• 41: Sweet Home
• 42: Unfolding of the Curse
• 43: Papa Lum, a Child of Dead Fall, Alabama
• 44: A Snapshot of the White-Looking Man
• 45: A Patriarch’s Possessions
• 46: Shadows and Seizures
• 47: The “Impertinent” Negro Is At-Large and Has Left No Trail
• 48: The Fading Footsteps of a “Negro Boy”
• 49: Baby Boy
• 50: “Stay in Your Place” Country
• 51: Whispered Prayers: The Quiet Battles of Grandma Opie
• 52: Unmasking the Cycle: Anger and Abuse in a Segregated Society
• 53: “Black Elvis” vs. the KKK
• 54: The Mysterious, Notorious Life of Lum Hawkins
• 55: “You Black Fucker”
• 56: Names and Scars in the Blakey Bloodline
• 57: “You’re Just like My Father”
• 58: Lysol and Coons
• 59: Breaking Bread
• 60: Breaking Every Chain
• 61: Chest Pains, Part Two
• 62: Came a Long Way
• Acknowledgments
• About the Author
• Copyright
• About the Publisher