151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills

Robert E. Dittmer, Stephanie McFarland, Robert Dittmer

• Publisher: Career Press
• Year: 2025
• Print ISBN: 9781601630377
• eBook ISBN: 9781601639165
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Etiquette
• Index: Business

Do you work with other people? Fellow employees; your boss; customers; vendors; colleagues? Of course, we all work in organizations comprised of people. People with whom we must have strong, positive relationships in order to ensure our own success as well as the organization's. Do we get any training or education on this key skill at our companies? Rarely.151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills is constructed to help everyone do a better, more effective job of working with others. These ideas are culled from the study of human behavior, relationships, and communication. Everything here will help you be more effective, efficient and in control of your relationships with people. In this book you will:•* Learn the difference between social intelligence and technical knowledge•* Create friends, allies, and supporters•* Learn how to analyze tough personal situations and solve them•* Understand when and how to negotiate

1

Why Interpersonal Skills Are So Important

A full litany of proverbs exist across continents and cultures that tell us that our interactions with people mean more than anything else we do in this life. In fact, author Daniel Goleman says that our emotional intelligence (EQ) with people is more important than our IQ.

Assignment

Before you read on, consider the people with whom you interact on a daily or weekly basis, both personally and professionally. What is your relationship with them? Have you carefully cultivated and nurtured those relationships? Do you feel good about those relationships?

For example, you’ve probably heard this one: “People don’t know how much you know, until they know how much you care.” And as the great Dale Carnegie once said: “People are not creatures of logic. They are creatures of emotion.”

Our interactions with people are the signatures of our lives, and that includes our careers, of course—most particularly our work relationships, considering we spend a minimum of eight hours of every day on the job. For us to be effective in our jobs, we have to deal with people, and we have to deal with them effectively to be successful in our work. It’s one big circular package.

The reward from good working relationships goes beyond the office, too. When we have good relationships at work, it affects the rest of our lives, from how much energy we have when we get home at night to the attitudes we bring home to our families.

People with solid interpersonal skills know how to build effective relationships, and they know that EQ is more important than IQ. They know it’s the currency that buys more reward in life than any gold coin or greenback ever produced.

Epilogue

Who you know is important, but having a network of solid relationships is even more important. To paraphrase a popular advertisement: You need people.

2

People Don’t Care How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care

In developing relationships, people first need to care about you. And in order to care about you, they often need to understand that you care about them. After all, relationships need to be reciprocal to be effective.

Assignment

Think about your own experiences with others. Do you recognize people with whom you have good, solid relationships that were developed because you discovered they really cared about you? Did that lead you to reciprocate? Do you have other, weak relationships in which you don’t sense that the other person really cares?

We see this daily with students at a university where I teach. Students walk into the classroom wanting to have an academic, learning relationship with the professor, but are often not sure whether the professor really cares about them or is just there to get the lecture in and go back to researching. The good professors find ways to communicate to students early on that they truly care about the students’ successes.

Those that do so find students engaging them before and after class, e-mailing them with thoughts and ideas, and doing more than the minimum in class to be successful. It makes for a superb learning environment where everyone benefits—even the professor. The professor benefits by having students engaged and involved, which is much better than having lumps sit in the classroom and merely listen. The students benefit by knowing that the professor is there to be a part of their learning process in a personal way, not just as a role or function.

We’ve seen many professor/student relationships last years, even after college is done and the student is off to a profession. These students are often great advocates for the university and the programs the professor teaches.

Epilogue

Important and effective relationships are built on a foundation of interest and concern for the other party. If you don’t care about them, why should they care about you?

3

Social Intelligence vs. Technical Knowledge

Though we spend the vast majority of our lives developing our technical capabilities to make us attractive in the job market, few of us put specific focus on developing our people skills.

But it is the people skills—also known as social intelligence—that determine our overall long-term success. After all, we don’t work in a vacuum; we work with other people, in a myriad of situations and circumstances.

Assignment

Using the description of social intelligence given here, rate yourself on each factor and assess how well you measure up. Then make a plan to address any shortcomings.

Think about it for a moment. Just about anyone can learn technical skills associated with his or her area of interest. Add practice to that knowledge and you get technical proficiency. Technical skills require us to understand and implement concepts, theories, and tactical knowledge, such as how to work with a specific business or industrial machine. But these do not have opinions, experiences, values, emotions—the things that make working with people both difficult and rewarding.

Although employers today certainly demand technical proficiency from their employees, they require so much more. They want people who can communicate, show leadership, solve problems, know who they are in terms of strengths and weaknesses, are confident, can adapt and flex with rapidly changing work environments, and have a sense of energy when implementing the day-to-day.

They also want employees who are socially sensitive, know how to build rapport, and influence others in a way that moves themselves and others forward. This takes social intelligence, which means being aware of who you are—the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also means knowing how to manage yourself—your energy, your emotions, and your reactions. And it means having the ability to see things from others’ perspectives and build relationships through all kinds of situations.

In short, having technical expertise is not enough. To be successful today, you must be socially intelligent. The good news is that social intelligence is something you can develop and practice every day, and fine-tune throughout your life.

Epilogue

Employers today want employees who are socially sensitive, know how to build rapport, and influence others in a way that moves themselves and others forward.

4

Be Socially Aware

It is important for you to recognize that any good team or effective group of people is dependent on social interactions—both personal and professional. As a consequence, you need to understand that there are always set patterns of interactions that we call networks. These networks exist on a formal and informal basis.

Assignment

Look around you. Where are the networks, both formal and informal, and who is in them? Which ones are important to your success? How can you join them?

Formal networks are those established by organizations: networks of employees who work together, who work for specific supervisors, who interact with designated others by their jobs and job descriptions. The organization dictates who interacts with whom.

Informal networks are social in nature, and can be the more important of the two types. These networks are social in that people who interact in these networks are self-selected. They choose with whom they will interact rather than have others, such as an organization, choose for them. Some are in organizations; some are outside organizations. An example is a group of friends from college who meet occasionally to have lunch and exchange life experiences. Or it could be a group of like professionals (CPAs, for example) who meet monthly to talk about their profession.

It is important to recognize these networks, identify those that are important to you, and then become part of those networks.

Epilogue

These social networks are especially important because they set up relationships that can be helpful in the future.

5

Relationships Are Priority

Okay, we’ve started talking about relationships, and here’s why: Your people skills lead to important relationships that can help you in your personal and professional lives.

Assignment

Identify the people with whom you already have relationships in your personal and professional life. Are they good ones? Positive? Helpful to you?

It is personal and professional relationships that make all the difference in hearing about that new job opportunity in another company, or that chance to meet an important person in your profession, or that opportunity to meet someone who could be important to and in your future (a future spouse?).

So we will be continually talking about people skills as they lead to positive and mutually beneficial relationships in your life.

Epilogue

Relationships are the social interactions that make societies function effectively. Gain them and maintain them.

6

The Nature of Your Relationships

When you think of the people around you, particularly at work, think of the level of those relationships. Not all are similarly developed, are they? Some people you have rapport with, some people you’re just getting to know, and some relationships fall in the middle.

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Table of contents

• Table of Contents
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• How to Use This Book
• Introduction
• 1 - Why Interpersonal Skills Are So Important
• 2 - People Don’t Care How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care
• 3 - Social Intelligence vs. Technical Knowledge
• 4 - Be Socially Aware
• 5 - Relationships Are Priority
• 6 - The Nature of Your Relationships
• 7 - Envision What You Want From Your Relationships
• 8 - Behave in a Way That Secures Relationships
• 9 - Look for Ways to Serve Others
• 10 - Don’t Ingratiate
• 11 - Apply the Pygmalion Effect
• 12 - Believe That All People Start With Good Intentions
• 13 - Give ’Em the Benefit of the Doubt
• 14 - Live by the Golden Rule
• 15 - Practice the Platinum Rule
• 16 - Always Look Toward Solutions
• 17 - Have Reasonable Expectations of Yourself
• 18 - Have Reasonable Expectations of Others
• 19 - Be Principle-Centered
• 20 - Allow Others to Hold to Their Principles
• 21 - Set Boundaries
• 22 - Defend Your Boundaries
• 23 - Be Genuine
• 24 - Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
• 25 - Have a Sense of Humor
• 26 - Laugh at Yourself
• 27 - Cherish Your Goofs
• 28 - Social Skills Are Always a Work in Progress
• 29 - Your Character—and Your Reputation—Is Your Calling Card
• 30 - Be Authentic
• 31 - Act With Integrity
• 32 - Build Trust
• 33 - Keep Your Word
• 34 - Be Straight Up
• 35 - View Discernment as a Gift
• 36 - Always Show Respect
• 37 - Practice Tolerance
• 38 - Choose Words Carefully
• 39 - Words: I vs. We
• 40 - Use Kind Words
• 41 - Don’t Kill Relationships With Your Behavior
• 42 - Do Not Gossip
• 43 - Don’t Be Dismissive
• 44 - Don’t Be Condescending
• 45 - Don’t Be Manipulative
• 46 - Don’t Make Assumptions
• 47 - Don’t Be Pessimistic
• 48 - Don’t Be a Cynic
• 49 - Don’t Be Over-Reactive
• 50 - Don’t Be Domineering
• 51 - Don’t Be Overly Opinionated
• 52 - Don’t Be Overly Aggressive
• 53 - Help Others Grow
• 54 - Believe in Others
• 55 - Wage Peace in Your Relationships
• 56 - Be a Peacemaker Between Friends
• 57 - Respect Different Personality Types
• 58 - Understand Different Styles
• 59 - Recognize That Styles Differ From Opinions
• 60 - Know Your Own Style
• 61 - Stretch Beyond Your Style
• 62 - Embrace Different Styles
• 63 - Determine if You Are Shy
• 64 - Overcome Shyness
• 65 - Overcome Feeling Inferior
• 66 - Overcome Feeling Intimidated
• 67 - Don’t Be Too Talkative
• 68 - Listen, Don’t Talk
• 69 - Get Out of Your Own Way
• 70 - Douse the Domineering
• 71 - Don’t Be Reactive
• 72 - Tackle the Intimidator
• 73 - Strive for Live Interaction
• 74 - Practice Face-to-Face Communication
• 75 - At Least Make It Live
• 76 - Beware of E-mail
• 77 - Remember That People Are Creatures of Emotion
• 78 - Fill the Emotional Bank Account
• 79 - Make Friends
• 80 - Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
• 81 - Remember Names
• 82 - Look ’Em in the Eye
• 83 - Give Your Undivided Attention
• 84 - Be “Present”
• 85 - Practice Good Listening
• 86 - Connect With People Through Questions
• 87 - Be Careful With Your Opinions
• 88 - Withhold Judgment
• 89 - See Both Sides
• 90 - Edify, Edify, Edify
• 91 - Give Honesty With an Equal Dose of Compassion
• 92 - Help Others Be Heard
• 93 - Help Others Be Understood
• 94 - Allow People to Save Face
• 95 - Encourage
• 96 - Encourage With Words and Perspective
• 97 - Pat Others on the Back
• 98 - Be a Cheerleader
• 99 - Help Others Achieve Their Goals
• 100 - Let Others Shine
• 101 - Look for Reasons to Celebrate
• 102 - Remember Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Such
• 103 - Fill Your Own Emotional Bank Account
• 104 - Feed Your Own Needs
• 105 - Call on Your Support Group
• 106 - Keep Honest Company
• 107 - Get Inspired
• 108 - Find Friends Who Edify You in Your Absence
• 109 - Find a Class Act to Follow
• 110 - Take a “People Break”
• 111 - Sharpen the Saw by Sharpening Your Mind
• 112 - Get Away From Your Desk for Lunch
• 113 - Attend Social Events
• 114 - Handle Conflict With Confidence
• 115 - Can’t We All Just Get Along?
• 116 - 365 Opportunities for Conflict—366 in a Leap Year
• 117 - See Conflict or Disagreement as an Opportunity
• 118 - See Rough Starts as an Opportunity
• 119 - Breathe!
• 120 - Give Yourself a Pep Talk
• 121 - Have the Difficult Conversations Beforehand
• 122 - Handle Conflict One-on-One
• 123 - Having Your Say Doesn’t Mean Always Having Your Way
• 124 - Learn to Eat Crow
• 125 - Bring the Peace Pipe
• 126 - Break Bread
• 127 - Fight Fair
• 128 - Be Mindful of Your Thoughts; They Can Be a Path to the Dark Side
• 129 - Don’t Take Things Personal
• 130 - Don’t Make Things Personal
• 131 - He Who Keeps His Mouth Shut, Keeps His Life
• 132 - Dial Down the Volume
• 133 - Watch Your Body Language—It Speaks Volumes
• 134 - Give People Space
• 135 - What Goes Over the Devil’s Back, Always Comes Under His Belly
• 136 - There Is No Right or Wrong
• 137 - Winner Never Takes All
• 138 - Fight for the Relationship
• 139 - Get Clear
• 140 - Present, Don’t Persuade
• 141 - Ask, Don’t Tell
• 142 - Look for Middle Ground
• 143 - Start From a Point of Commonality
• 144 - Some Nuts Are Worth Cracking
• 145 - Put the “Moose on the Table”
• 146 - Pick Your Battles
• 147 - Mend Fences
• 148 - Forgive Yourself for Failings
• 149 - Forgive Others as Well
• 150 - Be the First to Offer the Olive Branch—or the Peace Pipe
• 151 - Every Difficult Relationship Has Lessons
• About the Authors