Mirror Of Love, The: A Rediscovery Of True Love & Human Sexuality Within A Happy Marriage & Family

A Rediscovery of True Love & Human Sexuality Within a Happy Marriage & Family

Joachim Chee-Kong Chu

• Publisher: WSPC
• Year: 2014
• eBook ISBN: 9789814556750
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Marriage & Family Sociology
• Index: Social Sciences

Current cultural practices have impoverished the true meaning of human love. This book provides a point of reference on human passion and sexuality with pristine clarity. It aims to promote the dignity of marital love, clarify human sexuality based on self-giving love and achieve perpetuity of marriage and happiness in life. Through analogy of theory and practical examples, the book offers solutions to a spectrum of marriage difficulties.

Contents:

• Take a Closer Look
• Knowing the Origin
• Love in Marriage
• Marriage as Communion of Persons
• Work to Serve
• Father as Primary Educator
• Is Chastity Possible?
• A Path to Happiness

Readership: Students, general public, parents and educators who are looking for answers in relation to fidelity in marital love and solutions to marriage difficulties.

Chapter 1

Take a Closer Look

During a family trip to visit our sons who were then studying in United Kingdom, my wife and I had a chance to meet up with some of our old friends living there. In our conversation, a topic such as “rich and famous of today’s world” came up. Our English lady-friend said to us while sipping her tea after a delicious lunch with her husband: “The properties price in London has gone crazily expensive nowadays, don’t you think so?” Her husband followed: “You know a house was recently sold for over a-hundred-million pounds, who can afford that kind of money?” Indeed, there was a transaction in the premium housing market in Central London which was considered the most expensive property sold in the country at the time, by a foreign investor. Our lady-friend continued: “Now some wealthy people can afford a luxurious life comparable to the nobles, it is absolutely amazing, isn’t it?” After a moment of these words, the husband continued: “It is unbelievable, how could anyone get to that level of wealth in the first place?” True enough, today some individuals have accumulated such great wealth and resources that enables them a life truly as luxurious as, if not more than, the nobles, the kings and queens of the present day could afford.

Rarely has our human race possessed such an abundance of wealth, and resources as it does today, some individuals possess economic power that is comparable to, if not more than, a nation; their power can reach far beyond their home turf. Yet, we see a huge proportion of the world’s population still tormented by hunger and poverty, and countless numbers of people and families suffer from illiteracy — the most basic needs such as, a roof for shelter, and food that is so essential to lead a dignified living, are missing. Although the world of today has a vivid awareness of its unity and solidarity, conflicts occur between neighboring countries and are on the rise between races and cultures promulgated by opposing forces and ideologies. It is obvious that political, social, economic, racial and ideological disputes are continuing bitterly in various parts of the world. At the same time, we are witnessing a true cultural and social transformation, a phenomenon that has its repercussions on our physical and spiritual life as a whole. As happens in any type of growth, it brings certain growing pain along with it. Such transformation and changes have brought about serious difficulties and consequences to our human race. On the one hand, man extends his power in every direction, in technology, in advancing scientific research, progress and development, in medical arena, in aerospace technology, in advanced military technology that could wipe out a nation and its citizen in matter of seconds, etc. On the other hand, man does not always succeed in subjecting these fruits of power and development to his own conscience. It seems the more he strives along the path of this transformation and changes, the more he would probe profoundly into the deeper recesses of his own mind and conscience, he frequently appears to be more uncertain of himself, at a loss for direction and his purpose amid advancement and progress.

What if, I had chosen to review and to emphasize, not the kind of evils which the nature brings forth into the world; such as earthquake, tsunami, calamities, windstorm and hurricanes; but those kind of evils which man inflicts on one another; such as ravages and devastations brought about by wars and greed, and by selfish individuals who possess dominant power and resources? Along with these conflicts and disputes came the peril of war, or so called, pre-emptive wars justified by humanitarian propaganda in the world political arena of some advanced cultures to eradicate Weapon of Mass Destruction (WMD) in weak countries. It does not take a knowledge of rocket science to understand that “war”, no matter how justifiable it may appear in the parliaments and congress of these countries of advanced development, as well as in the eyes of the general public, war reduces everything — people and structures — to ashes. As a result, millions and millions of innocent people are killed or injured, children lost their parents, and/or parents lost their beloved children, hospital and schools collapsed, city streets and roads were filled with shells and appeared fragmented, homes and families were destroyed, and the dreams of its citizens were shattered. Thousands and thousands of innocent people turned victims of unjustifiable wars overnight, due to arrogance, greed of the aggressor(s). To those who remain alive have suffered from their tremendous loss of everything, their loved ones, their home shelter, their future dreams and hope, but most of all, their dignity of being part of the mankind being trampled by fellow human beings, as if their life and dignity are expendable. Who could possibly be benefitted most from these wars? Without much speculation, it is rather obvious that the benefactors could possibly be the weaponry manufacturers, military suppliers, warzone contractors and logistic supply-chain companies and their securities personnel, and some unknown and unidentifiable individuals behind the scene.

People wearing a badge of human rights who crave for more freedom under the umbrella of the “so-called democracy” have become the dominant slogan of the new millennium where the individual rights challenge traditional values and culture of our global society. Homosexuals and transsexuals who crave for their rights to marriage and family; human trafficking and sex trades, a huge-divide between the immensely wealthy on the one side and extreme poverty on the other that are unable to survive due to the absence of the most basic needs in many parts of the world are some of the examples of this social phenomenon we experience in today’s world. Freedom and creative power are valuable assets of human being, when such powerful assets are utilized for good intentions, many people are likely to benefit from the fruits. On the contrary, when human freedom and creativity are used for an unjust cause, to achieving a selfish purpose; consequently, only a limited few would benefit, while the majority would almost be destined to suffer. The global financial tsunami that swept across the world in the recent years echoes this phenomenon; creative ideas orchestrated by some brilliant minds to achieve a selfish objective that only benefit a limited few while causing pain and sufferings to the majority, this brilliant and selfish act is indeed a sign of degradation of our human race!

In social life, we experience constant tension in meeting people’s expectation of us, or of what we imagine them to be; and this could become an overwhelming burden amongst the citizens of our society. I recall an interesting incidence that happened over 15 years ago in a cruise trip to Alaska which began from Canada that I had brought my mother along with my wife. As my dad died quite early in the late seventies, I took it as personal responsibility to look after my mother with great care and love. On a night of formal dinner on the cruise where all the guests were supposedly to dress themselves up as to a dancing ball, fleshy-long nightgowns for the ladies and tuxedo and dark suits for the men were seen everywhere. We were sharing a table with two other couples as the dinner started with lovely live-music in the background; we were having a nice time while drinking the champagne prior to the gourmet dinner. After some courtesy handshakes, hello and hello, and initial friendly gestures, one of the ladies in black gown who shared our dinner table asked: “How nice to have met you, where are you from?” I replied politely. And she continued to ask: “Is it your first time to Alaska?” I replied with a yes. Her husband started: “Oh, this is our third time to this lovely place, we enjoy every bit of it.” He was joined by another couple who said it was their second trip to Alaska. Then the lady in black asked: “Have you ever been to North America before?” All this while, their four pairs of eyes were beaming onto the dresses of my wife, and my mother, and onto my dark suits, and my hands and wrists as I did not wear a tuxedo, as if they were searching for something more glamorous than our simple outfit. I reluctantly but politely replied to these two couples: “Yes, we have been to your great country before.” And they continued with a smile: “where and which city?” Then, I patiently replied again: “Oh, quite a few cities, such as ABC cities on the east coast and XYZ cities on the west coast.”

After the subsequent “machine-gun” type of questions, we finally had a quiet time at our dinner, for a while. Then, the topic of children “Where do they go to school? Is the school any good? How much do you pay for the school fees? etc.” came alive in the midst of our dinner. Then my wife and I tried to explain the education system in Hong Kong and Asia and that our children were at their summer school in the United Kingdom sponsored by a former teacher-friend of ours as we were on the cruise trip. We noticed that these couples had very little idea of what is going on in other parts of the world outside the USA. Some do not even know where Hong Kong is, while asking questions “Is Hong Kong part of Japan?” indicating how innocent some of these local tourists are. At one conversation regarding television in the USA, we referred to one of our favorite program host C. Rose in Bloomberg television, these couples in the cruise did not know who this host was, and explained that they did not watch this particular channel in USA.

When these two couples on the cruise learned our experience in continental Europe and United Kingdom and our professional and personal networks; they were awed by the fact we were so well informed about things. Their enthusiasm of the questions started to slow down and we began to have a normal conversation when the deserts were served. After showing my mother back to her cabin, my wife and I went for walk on the level below the main deck of the cruise, a track for jogging; I asked my wife if she enjoyed the dinner. She replied: “Yes, very much. I could feel the intensity of the four pair of eyes beaming on me at the dinner table.” We had a good laugh, and we enjoyed the rest of the cruise in different islands of Alaska.

The incidence in the cruise has reminded me how much the ideology of materialism gets into the social culture. At times, we are inclined to look at a person for his possessions; the car he drives, his house, the clothes and handbag that his girl friend wears, the blinks and diamond that she wears, and focus on how glamorous she looks; while we seem to lose sight of “who the person he or she really is.” The true quality of the person, behind the glamorous outfit, clothes and suits, blinks and branded goods, are often missed out as if quality of the person is not significant. We shall discuss this phenomenon later in the book.

In the last several decades, our human race has experienced profound rapid changes that have spread around the world at very high speed, reaching a new stage in history with some distinctive achievements. Early in my career, I was working with a multi-national food and beverage company that had three main worldwide businesses in food and beverage: “Cola and juice”, “Pizza and Chicken” restaurant chains, and “snack and chips” packaged-snack food, etc. In the early 70’s, the pizza business had experienced major failure in the Chinese dominated city that resulted closing of tens of pizza outlets with the rationale that the Chinese did not like the taste of “cheese” and that they only drank tea, not the cola drinks. Then, when the cola business took off and became popular in China from the late 70’s to 90’s and beyond; the idea of re-launching pizza restaurants flashed in the minds of some top executives of the company. However, they believed a puzzle was yet to be resolved, “Will the Chinese be ready for the taste of cheese again?” With the help of some of my colleagues, I had become an advisor to the people of the pizza branch while they planned to forge ahead with their business plan. True enough, today we can find variety of pizza outlets and restaurants that serve cheese of various kinds and gourmets in many cities in Hong Kong, China and Asia. In a short span of two decades, the “taste of cheese” and soft drinks market have been opened up in a 1.3 billion people country. Paradoxically, I am not prepared to discuss the business opportunity, nor its future; rather I simply borrow the above scenario as an example to point out the “speed of change” that a product as minute as pizza — a tiny aspect of our society — has experienced in such a short period of time. This change in habit is relatively minor in comparison with the change of moral values driven by ideologies that were introduced in the several decades of the last century. To name a few: “To work hard, and to play hard”, “Do as you wish anytime, anywhere…!” “Retire as early as you can, and do what you like”, “Homosexual and gender preference is human rights”, and “Do whatever you want as long as no one gets hurt”, etc.

In recent years, a family trip that took me to the country-side farm has given me a rare chance to refresh my insights of how beautiful the nature is — the day begins with the sun rise and ends with sun set, the appearance of the moon and stars at nights, everything is in such a good order. The cycle of nature happens in such a regular and consistent manner, and yet so quietly without much noise of any kind. Things in nature work in such a harmonious way that brings us the necessary amount of oxygen in the air, the right temperature that fits human habitat and the right amount of sunlight, and vegetation and animals for human survival, the earth rotates in perfect harmony with the universe without any external help, or interference from our human invention. Nevertheless, “Influenced by such a variety of complexities, many of our contemporaries are kept from accurately identifying permanent values and adjusting them properly to fresh discoveries. As a result, buffeted between hope and anxiety and pressing one another with questions about the present course of events, they are burdened with uneasiness. This same course of events leads men to look for answers; indeed, it forces them to do so.” (Gaudium Et Spes, no. 4) It is obvious that human being has brought about his own frustration, unhappiness and mischief; a sad consequence of misusing his power. Happy index is commonly used to measure the extent of happiness in a person’s life in today’s society. The finding interestingly indicates that the happy index tends to be lower in well-developed societies than among people in poorer regions.

Change in Family Structure

While the industrial and commercial segments of society are gradually under transformation in the last decades, some nations have prospered in economic affluence, while radically transforming their social conditions and behavior through technological advancement and modernization. Likewise in the last century or so, massive migration was evident as younger generations left their rural and agricultural life for urbanized city life that resulted in the growth and proliferation of urban society presenting new opportunities to its new inhabitants. “By this very circumstance, the traditional local communities such as families, clans, tribes, villages, various groups and associations stemming from social contacts, experience more thorough changes every day.” (Gaudium et Spes, no. 4) Consequently, the family structure has also undergone drastic transformation from larger-sized families in a clan society, to the recently emerged, isolated and unitized smaller families, living in urban society, in highrise buildings, apartment blocks, likens organized boxes. As for the family, dissonance results from population, economic and social pressures, from difficulties that arise between succeeding generations, and from new social relationships between men and women in search of a better and happier life. “Nevertheless, brotherly dialogue among men does not reach its perfection on the level of technical progress, but on the deeper level of interpersonal relationships.” (Gaudium et Spes, no. 23) One of the salient features of the modern world is the growing interdependence of fellow human beings on one another, a development promoted chiefly by modern technological advancement.

Families in modern societies have been under profound pressure amid rapid changes that have affected our values and culture, in particular, of young people when we look at how many young people are brought up in highly urbanized societies, where excessive comfort is provided in almost every aspect of their life. Their already pristine and comfortable lives are further eased by latest home appliances coupled with domestic helpers who make the house chores a much simpler task, yet we are looking at a phenomenon that we have not seen before in the distant history of mankind. How can we expect responsibility and commitment from these young people, when they have never been asked to be responsible for simple tasks at home during their upbringing? This reminds me a true story which lingers in my mind for a number of years now. In the summer month of July, my friend, Rene, had brought his family, wife and two teenage children to join a summer camp at the suburbs of Hong Kong. One of his friends requested Rene to take along their only teenage daughter, Betty, so that she would be able to spend a week of healthy summer holiday with Rene’s family. Rene, after consulting with his wife, agreed to take Betty along with his family. In the summer camp, meals were normally self-service operations, similar to cafeteria or canteen of a college. During supper time one evening, everyone lined up at the food counter to get their respective meal that included Rene, his wife and their two children, except Betty who chose to remain in her seat at the table. Almost everyone finished in the line, Rene’s clan too returned to their table with trays of food and drinks, when they saw Betty was still sitting at her seat unmoved. Then Rene’s wife, asked: “Betty, are you not hungry? There are only a few people now in the line, you can get your food now.” The tiny teenage girl, Betty looked up and replied: “At home, my helpers would serve me every meal and snacks anytime I like.” She continued: “I don’t know how to get my food from the counter, can anyone help me?” Even though in her teens, Betty is almost as tall as my friend Rene, but her behavior was similar to a child of three years old. She has acquired physical attributes matching her teenage built, but her corresponding human maturity lacks behind so much that her behavior is absolutely not compatible to her age. If this situation of Betty continues for the next few years into her full womanhood at 20 years, we would probably expect even more personality mismatches and other possible moral problems of serious nature springing out.

In the absence of knowledge and awareness that it is only individual efforts that enables us to acquire things, the youth of today will have very little, or no idea of what it takes to be a human being, or the necessary values that are required in order to deal with their family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and society. We are living in a society founded on little, or no fixed moral principles, where the benchmark of absolute moral certainty, the criteria and ability to differentiate right from wrong, is becoming blur, as though moral principles that supposedly govern and guide human behavior frailly hangs on a pendulum that swings from one side to the other depending on the mood of a certain individual, or the society as a whole. Many people believe that as long as the social conduct ...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Halftitle
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Preface
• Contents
• Chapter 1 Take a Closer Look
• Chapter 2 Knowing the Origin
• Chapter 3 Love in Marriage
• Chapter 4 Marriage as Communion of Persons
• Chapter 5 Work to Serve
• Chapter 6 Father as Primary Educator
• Chapter 7 Is Chastity Possible?
• Chapter 8 A Path to Happiness
• Additional Readings
• Appendixes