Funny Stuff in the Bible

A Field Trip in the Bible Library

Johnson

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2013
• eBook ISBN: 9781630870607
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Funny Stuff in the Bible is a field trip through the Bible library hunting for funny stuff. The many stories and other literature in this library were written over a period of a thousand years. This is well known. Thinking of the Bible as a library provides perspective. Though there are more copies of this library, its writings bound into a single volume, than of any other book in the world, the literature in it is underrated and underenjoyed. It is underenjoyed because of the smog created by the notion that every word is religiously serious and not for enjoyment, let alone laughter. This overlay of morality and religious seriousness makes it difficult to read a particular story as we do other stories in the world. Funny Stuff shakes off these notions to enjoy some stories.The Bible is a large library. We can only explore a little of it as we look both for stuff that makes us laugh and also things that are strange. We investigate what we come across--stumble on, so to speak. The quest is undertaken in good humor and with light hearts.

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Examples to get started

Hiding from God

You can hide from God.

I hear someone say, “You’re kidding. God is omniscient. God knows everything. How can it be possible to hide from God?”

The story in Genesis chapter three tells about Adam and Eve hiding from God and about God looking for them. Here it is.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze [doesn’t this sound extremely pleasant?], and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” (3:8–9)

Do you think God was faking, just pretending that he didn’t already know the whole story? That God could see, without even trying, where Adam and Eve were hiding? That God already knew what they had done?

Maybe you think God was pretending the way an adult plays hide and seek with a child pretending not to know where the child is hiding. I suppose that is possible; many folks think that. But, you can’t conclude that from the story. It is clearly reported in this story that God was away and that God came walking in the Garden in the cool of the day. We are led to believe that God came and went on a daily basis.

I like this. This story would not work, would not be a story if God was around constantly. Consider, do you want God to be stuck with you all the time looking over your shoulder at everything you do and how you do it? Don’t we need some privacy? Do we want God evaluating us like a parent who can’t let a child out of sight? What if your mother or father were always watching you? How could you have any fun?

Why do many people think that God is like that—that he knows everything before it happens? Why do some people think that the first century Jew named Jesus, who didn’t know it was the first century, knew everything as soon as he was born? A person can’t learn that from the stories about him. A few stories suggest that Jesus was clairvoyant—like the time he told the disciples about the donkey they were to procure for him or when he sent them to make arrangements for the Passover supper. Many people who think that Jesus and God are both omniscient—that Jesus knew everything past, present, and future—also say that the Bible is the final authority and that humans must submit to what it says.

Okay then, let’s submit. Let’s take each story for what it says. In the story of Adam and Eve in the garden, God searched for them. When Jesus asked “Who touched my garments?” (Mark 5:30) was he faking it since he already knew? What are the grounds for that conclusion? Is it in the story? Does the writer of the story think Jesus knew everything? It doesn’t appear so. If God and Jesus filled the universe with ever present, whether loving or not, dominance, nothing could happen. There would be no story. We would know nothing of our lives or the life of God. Dullness would cover the earth.

The possibility that the universe is already full is purely hypothetical, of course, because, in fact, we do have stories. That is good news.

Sampson

Samson is one of the strongest men ever. Other than an inability to fly, he is a match for Superman. His story is found in the book of Judges, chapters thirteen through sixteen, in the often black, leather-bound library. All the stories in the library can also be found on many websites such as bible.oremus.org. Take your time reading the story. Maybe read aloud. Here’s the first part.

The Israelites again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord gave them into the hand of the Philistines for forty years.

There was a certain man of Zorah, of the tribe of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. His wife was barren, having borne no children.

And the angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Although you are barren, having borne no children, you shall conceive and bear a son. Now be careful not to drink wine or strong drink, or to eat anything unclean, for you shall conceive and bear a son. No razor is to come on his head, for the boy shall be a nazirite to God from birth. It is he who shall begin to deliver Israel from the hand of the Philistines.” (Judges 13:1–5)

The woman bore a son, and named him Samson. The boy grew, and the Lord blessed him. The spirit of the Lord began to stir him in Mahaneh–dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol. (Judges 13:24–25)

The boy’s parents have high hopes for their son based upon what the angel told his mother and his father. “It is he [their promised son] who shall begin to deliver Israel from the hand of the Philistines.”

Given this auspicious beginning, how do the parents feel as the story unfolds and young Samson says to them: “I saw a Philistine woman at Timnah; now get her for me as my wife”? (14:2) Distressed, his father and mother say, “Is there not a woman among your kin, or among all our people, that you must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” Samson responds in a fashion not likely to calm his parents, “Get her because she pleases me.” (14:3)

His dad does it! Can you imagine? It would be like me telling my Protestant fundamentalist parents that a Catholic girl pleased me—“Get her for me.” It’s barely imaginable.

Here’s how the story continues. “His father and mother did not know that this was from the Lord; for he was seeking a pretext to act against the Philistines (italics mine). At that time the Philistines had dominion over Israel” (Judges 14:4).

Samson’s parents do not know, unlike we listeners and readers of the story, that the Lord is seeking a “pretext” (justification) to act against the Philistines. It appears that God can’t just do whatever God wants. God needs a pretext. Pretend you are Sampson’s father or mother and don’t know that the whole thing is God’s stratagem. Even if you do know God is behind it all because God wants a pretext, do you feel any better?

Then Samson went down with his father and mother to Timnah. When he came to the vineyards of Timnah, suddenly a young lion roared at him. The spirit of the Lord rushed on him, and he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as one might tear apart a kid. But he did not tell his father or his mother what he had done.

Then he went down and talked with the woman, and she pleased Samson. After a while he returned to marry her, and he turned aside to see the carcass of the lion, and there was a swarm of bees in the body of the lion, and honey. He scraped it out into his hands, and went on, eating as he went.

When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them, and they ate it. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey from the carcass of the lion. (Judges 14:5–9)

It is hard to imagine Samson carrying enou...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Should You Purchase This Book?
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Examples to get started
• Chapter 2: Yahweh the Literary Figure and More Stories
• Chapter 3: Jesus Weighs In and Lightens Things Up
• Chapter 4: Jesus Answers an Easy Question
• Chapter 5: The Neighbor
• Chapter 6: Rhoda’s Story
• Chapter 7: A Little Girl in Syria
• Chapter 8: A Real Doozie
• Chapter 9: Elisha Pursues the Mantle
• Chapter 10: Count Your Blessings, a Contemporary Tale
• Chapter 11: Research Questions, Reflections, and Casting About
• Chapter 12: The Little Guy or Mr. Despicable Comes out on Top
• Chapter 13: Jesus Puts Things Right Side Up
• Chapter 14: My Favorite Event as Told by Mark
• Chapter 15: Something Borrowed
• Chapter 16: Remembering a Wedding
• Chapter 17: Joy is the Heart of the Kingdom
• Chapter 18: Elisha for Secretary of State, Sight, and Blindness
• Chapter 19: Great Permissions
• Chapter 20: Hazards of the Mediterranean or God Hits One out of the Park
• Chapter 21: Checking for Likely Laughs
• Wrap up
• Bibliography