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Children, Obey Your Parents
CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER; which is the first commandment with promise;
THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH THEE, AND THOU MAYEST LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition of the Lord [Eph. 6:1–4].
Children, obey your parents. What a wonderful phrase! How many people through the ages have made that statement! However, as happens so often, people only quote a portion of a statement, taking it out of context.
The full statement is CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right [Eph. 6:1]. That is the complete statement. This command has both a qualification and an admonition. The qualification is in the Lord. That is how the children are to obey their parents. The admonition is for this is right. When considering this statement, bear in mind the context in which it is presented. It proceeds naturally from
Walk worthy of the vocation (calling) wherewith you have been called, . . . [Eph. 4:1].
Be filled with the Spirit [Eph. 5:18].
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God
[Eph. 5:21].
[Eph. 5:21].
After examining the teachings about Christ and the church, and husbands and wives in marriage, it is time to proceed to the other important members of the family—the children.
Paul is writing to the children who are members of Christ’s body and have undoubtedly been baptized. Otto Weber says this particular verse [Eph. 6:1] “makes plain that there were children in the community assembly, although their ages are not precisely given.”
In these verses, the children are to obey their parents, but their fathers or parents are to bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition of the Lord [Eph. 6:4]. There is a definite responsibility for both parties. The children are to obey. They are to listen, attend, and submit to their parents. But the parents have a definite responsibility regarding how they are to raise them.
Why does the Apostle use this word obey instead of other words such as “listen,” “attend,” or “honor”? Calvin supplies the answer when he says, “Obedience is the evidence of that honor which children owe to their parents,” and obedience is much “more difficult; for the human mind recoils from subjection and only with difficulty suffers itself to be forced under the control of another.” This is true of children as well as adults.
“Obey—no stronger word could be used to show that God’s command to parents is to exercise parental authority, and to children to practice implicit obedience. In two places in Scripture God reveals His estimate of the heinousness of disobedience to parents when he places in the list of the most degrading sins of the godless, heathen world . . ., and of the sins of lawlessness that characterize the perilous times of the last days. . . . The child that has never learned to obey parents in the home will not find it easy to obey the law of his government or the commands of his God. The obedience God requires is not merely that of action, but also of attitude, which makes a child ready to listen to his parents, willing to heed their advice and to follow the guidance of more mature minds,” as described by Ruth Paxson.
We should remember that children are in the same category as adults. They are new creatures in Christ. They are to be reminded that there is a distinct difference between those who are in Christ and those outside His body, regardless of their age. Further, we are not talking merely about ethics or morality. The Apostle is discussing a right relationship with God. He is referring to righteousness, obedience, and doing the will of the Father.
Two reasons for a lack of harmony in the home are disobedience and the lack of discipline. All of us have heard much, read much, and seen much about the unruliness, recklessness, and uncontrollableness of children, especially teenagers, and some young people who will not submit to their parents, how they do not want anyone to interfere with their plans, how they want to do their own thing, and do not want to be encumbered by authority, listening to parents, and hearing the counsel of adults.
Children obeying their parents is not merely a phenomenon today. It has been evident for more than two thousand years. That is why Paul wrote about it and undoubtedly preached about it. Paul’s wisdom enabled him to know that both the obedience and the instruction of the children should be according to the will of God. Therefore, Paul uses the phrases in the Lord and of the Lord when telling the children to obey their parents, and the fathers to nurture and admonish their children.
Why did Paul direct his teaching to children and parents? He knew full well that a breakdown in the home had negative effects in the family, which is the basic unit of society. Also, it sent shockwaves to other young people. The people hearing these things would emulate them or try to outdo them, and the entire process would repeat itself.
Paul describes in his letter to the Romans what happens when people ignore God, do not acknowledge Him, and do not obey His commands. He says,
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate (debased) mind, to do those things which are not convenient (fitting) [Rom. 1:28].
Being filled with all unrighteousness, . . . haters of God, despiteful (violent), proud, boasters, . . . disobedient to parents,
Without understanding, . . . without natural affection, implacable (unforgiving), unmerciful:
Who knowing the (righteous) judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in (approve of) them that do them [Rom. 1:30–32].
Paul amplifies upon this in his second letter to Timothy saying,
THIS know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, (money lovers) . . . proud, . . . disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
. . . despisers of those that are good,
. . . lovers of pleasures more (rather) than lovers of God;
Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away [2 Tim. 3:1–5].
The last days refers to the period from the birth of Christ until He returns in full glory. Both passages contain the phrase disobedient to parents.
Recall that the passages from Paul’s letter to the Romans began with the statement: And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate (debased) mind to do those things which are not convenient (considered to be fit) [Rom. 1:28]. And in Timothy it says, Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away [2 Tim. 3:5]. Paul reminds us that one of the striking factors during periods of godlessness and apostasy is children being disobedient to their parents. This is true regardless of the ages of the children or parents.
It is interesting to note that Paul specifically talks to both the parents and children when he talks about children being disobedient. There is a connection between disobedience to parents, ungodliness, and indecent behavior. For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold (suppress) the truth in unrighteousness [Rom. 1:18]. When you have ungodliness you have unrighteousness. The two go together like ham and eggs.
If you want righteous conduct, it must be preceded by godliness. People tend to confuse morality with righteousness. They are not the same. Morality relates to the principles of right or wrong behavior. Righteousness is being in a right relationship with God, the Father.
When you have righteousness, you have discipline and obedience. However, when you have unrighteousness you have a lack of discipline, you have a dearth of proper instruction resulting in lawlessness, disrespect, and deteriorating conditions.
Many people cannot remember when they began to love, trust, and obey Christ, just as they cannot remember when they began to love, trust, and obey their parents. “Children may obey their parents in the Lord, before they are able to understand any Christian doctrine; they may discharge every childish duty, under the inspiration of the Spirit of God, before they have so much as heard whether the Spirit of God has been given,” as expressed by R.W. Dale. However, that is the exception. If it does exist for a period of time, then there are usually occasions when obedience is lacking or authority needs to be exercised.
When thinking of the relationship between children and parents, we must realize that children go through different phases as they enter the new age groups through which they must pass before becoming adults and parents. The different stages of development can be trying, taxing, difficult, and even heartrending. That is why Paul says,
CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right [Eph. 6:1].
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition of the Lord [Eph. 6:4].
Parents have a divine obligation to teach their children, instruct them, direct their paths, and elicit obedience from them, but they are to do it according to the will of God. They are to nurture and admonish their children as Christ does the church.
Ruth Paxson provides additional light regarding parents, disciplin...