Aging Successfully

How to Enjoy, Not Just Endure, the Second Half of Life

Gallagher

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2012
• eBook ISBN: 9781621894179
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Aging Successfully offers suggestions for greater satisfaction and happiness for people over age fifty. It raises spiritual and emotional issues such as how to deal with depression and gives specific action steps. This book is packed full of practical help; it is a road map for aging, especially during economically challenging days. This practical, easy-to-read book provides wisdom and time-tested counsel for a happy and highly productive second half of life. When Dave Gallagher was considering retirement, he wanted help with financial planning and retirement living options, so he began compiling resources. Dr. Gallagher combines the information he gained with principles that he gained in working with hundreds of people over the years, and compiled them into this book. The principles come from personal experience, research, and helping people age successfully. The author draws from his experience of ten years as senior pastor in an age-restricted community designed to reach people over age fifty.

1

Keep Perspective

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (Phil 4:7–11)

Perspective Helps Us See the Bigger Picture When We Face Challenges

The second half of life is sometimes like a roller coaster ride. After age fifty, life may seem to be a series of mountaintop experiences sometimes followed by valleys of great challenges.

I was approaching my fortieth birthday. Thirty was a struggle for me but forty—no way. I wanted little done or said about my fortieth birthday. We had a small family dinner and some gifts were given. For me it was, “Let’s get through this as quietly and quickly as possible.” A very dear friend gave me a little gift. I did not realize it at the time, but that little gift was very significant. In fact, it took me about ten years to realize its significance. It was a coffee mug with the words, “Life Begins at 40” printed on it. You’ve seen them. Frankly, it was only out of politeness that I said thank you to her, for I really didn’t like the thought of being forty, and I certainly was not going to use that little cup that would remind me every day that I was “over forty.” So I quietly and unassumingly put the little cup on the top shelf of our kitchen cabinet (clear in the back). The little cup remained there for a long time, actually for many years. Without realizing it, a decade had passed. I was approaching fifty, but honestly, I still felt like I was twenty. After my birthday celebration was over and everyone left or went to bed, I remembered that little cup. I quietly strolled over to the kitchen and reached way back behind the other cups and found the “Life Begins at 40” cup. I looked at it through new eyes. I had learned a very important lesson about life itself.

To a ten-year-old, someone sixteen is “old.” To a sixty-year-old person, someone fifty is “young.” Age is not a numerical value but a mindset, an attitude, a lifestyle, an outlook. In life there are ups and downs. We learn to take it one day at a time. We learn to take the good with the bad. We learn that life really is fragile. Yes, life is unfair at times, but how we respond is the key. How we respond is sort of the great equalizer to help us keep perspective and a positive attitude—no matter what.

In the game of golf, some golfers have a “handicap.” The handicap equalizes golfers so the average golfer has opportunity to golf with the excellent golfer. This equalizing puts players on the same playing field so to speak. It allows the poor or average golfer an opportunity to set goals from his or her own previous scores. Without that equalizer, the poor or average golfer’s viewpoint, attitude, or perspective could be, “What’s the use of golfing—I have no possible chance of getting a good score.” The golfer would have no motivation. That defeatist perspective would take all of the joy out of golfing. Perspective helps create our attitude.

An eighty-two-year-old male golfer was preparing to hit the ball from the red ladies’ tee on the first hole, right in front of the pro shop. As he began his backstroke, a voice boomed over the public address system: “Would the man hitting his ball from the ladies’ tee, please move it back to the men’s tee?!” He glared over his shoulder then began again to prepare to hit the ball. The loudspeaker again shattered the silence, repeating, “Will the man hitting the ball from the ladies’ tee, please move it back to the white, men’s tee?!” At that, the man turned and faced the clubhouse. Cupping his hands around his mouth he hollered, “Will the man in the clubhouse please be quiet, so I can take my SECOND shot?!”

A number of years ago I had a serious ear infection. I went to a specialist who prescribed medication and, after time, the infection cleared up. Following that process, I had my hearing checked just as a precaution. My hearing seemed perfect to me. I certainly didn’t feel like I had any hearing loss but since I had recently recovered from a serious ear infection, my physician wanted to double check. The audiologist completed the procedure and told me that I had some hearing loss. I was sure that my hearing was just fine and questioned the test results. I was given another exam and the results showed that I had no hearing loss. My hearing was the same after each exam but my feelings were very different after each procedure. My attitude and perspective were changed by the circumstances. My hearing had not changed, but my response changed because I thought the circumstances had changed. And if I had hearing loss that would mean that I would be faced with an opportunity to decide to become a bitter person or to grow and become a better person.

Isn’t it interesting how our perspective changes as we age? For example, for years I noticed the slanted metal bars in handicapped showers and restrooms, and thought they were for someone else. I’d see those metal brackets on the walls and was glad that I did not need to use them. Then one day when we were in a motel and I was taking a shower I turned around abruptly and found myself instinctively grabbing one of the brackets! It was at that moment that I realized that I was not twenty-five anymore; in fact, I was in the second half of my life and had better begin accepting that reality.

Our thinking greatly influences our perspective. Bad feelings are the result of distorted, negative thinking. Our thoughts determine our feelings, our feelings set our moods, and our moods lead us to our actions. You feel the way you do right now because of thoughts you are thinking right now. I love to be with happy, positive people. I do not enjoy being around cranky, negative people. Why? Because the moods of others directly affect my moods. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Once when I was with a patient before surgery, I intended to read some scripture and offer a word of encouragement and prayer for God’s guidance and peace. After I read and said a few words of encouragement, I was just about to pray when a nurse came to the man’s bed. She checked his chart, made sure that everything was in order, and told me that he would be going to surgery very shortly. The doctor and the nurse had said earlier that attitude was extremely important prior to surgery. I remember the man saying over and over to me and to his wife that he was sure that he would not come out of surgery alive. I also remember that nurse who came in. She leaned over the bed and looked right into his eyes and she said very sternly, “No more of that negative talk now. I’ve been a nurse for over fifteen years and know that the attitude going into surgery greatly impacts the results and recovery.” Attitude! Perspective! Today, whatever the situation—grasp the positive attitude. Whatever your situation, why not say, “I will choose to have a positive attitude?” He came through surgery just fine.

When I woke up this morning the sun was up and shining. I couldn’t help but think of how good God is every day. I didn’t worry about the sun coming up; I knew it would come up—it always does. Why? Because God is faithful. The rising sun reminded me of God’s faithfulness. God’s faithfulness is a continued theme in scripture. God’s faithfulness means that I have assurance of salvation and forgiveness (John 10:27–30; 1 John 1:9) and it assures me that he will provide me strength as I face loss, sorrow, loneliness, and affliction
(1 Pet 4:12–13). It is important to remember that God’s faithfulness means that I can have peace and victory (1 Cor 10:13) and that I have spiritual blessings from a sovereign God
(1 Cor 1:9; Ps 84:11–12). God’s faithfulness also means that I can reflect God’s love and grace in my life as I yield my life to him (Gal 5:22–23). All of this helps form my perspective.

Loss of Perspective may Lead
to Depression

Sometimes if we lose perspective and do not stay balanced in our life, depression may creep in. We have a tendency of overdoing good things. We eat too much or push ourselves too hard. The Bible speaks about moderation in all things to help us stay balanced (Phil 4:5–6 KJV). Depression is a loss of pleasure and enjoyment in life. It’s a feeling of sadness, disappointment, and being very alone. Depression may manifest itself by physical discomfort, aches, pains, fatigue, poor digestion, and sleep disorders. Webster’s defines it as “that which causes you to sink or be low in spirit; to be sad, dejected, lowering of activity and vitality, and mood swings. Depression is a withdrawal from people activities.”1

Depression is one of the most common mental health challenges. But you might feel that depression is just a normal part of aging, so you don’t seek treatment for this illness. Depression can be caused by poor eating habits, not getting enough rest, reaction to drugs (toxic depression), physical depression related to glands, infections of the brain and nervous system, hypoglycemia, repression of anger and anger turned inward, self-pity and self-blame or poor self-image, or faulty behavior and faulty thinking.2 Simply being aware of a situation that can put you or your spouse at risk for depression can help you make sure you seek treatment if needed. These situations include:

• Retirement or other changes in role or status
• Financial issues
• Loss through death or relocation of family, friends, or pets
• Loss or perceived loss of function or capabilities
• Chronic illness or pain3

Also, take note if you or your spouse shows any of these signs of depression:

• Constant or pervasive sadness
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Loss of interest in hobbies, friends, or activities
• Change in sleeping habits
• Sudden weight loss or gain
• Frequent visits to the doctor
• Statements such as “You’d be better off without me” or “I don’t want to be a burden”4

My wife and I were serving in a church in Santa Monica, California. It was a wonderful time in our lives. We lived eleven blocks from the beach and the church was only ten blocks from the beach. We’d been there for quite a number of years and were loved and well taken care of by the church family. But all of a sud...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Keep Perspective
• Chapter 2: Stay Balanced
• Chapter 3: Enjoy Midlife
• Chapter 4: Prepare for the Later Years
• Chapter 5: Focus on the Biblical View
• Chapter 6: Understand Loss and Grief
• Chapter 7: Claim God’s Promises
• Chapter 8: Keep Your Spirits High
• Chapter 9: Relieve Anxiety
• Chapter 10: Avoid Materialism
• Appendix A
• Bibliography