Transformative Religious Experience

A Phenomenological Understanding of Religious Conversion

Iyadurai

• Publisher: Pickwick Publications
• Year: 2015
• eBook ISBN: 9781498270199
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

What makes a priest of one religion become a preacher of another religion? How could a person embrace a religion suddenly that he or she had up to then opposed? Why would young women risk their reputation and endanger their lives for the sake of newfound faith? How could an alcoholic detest a sip of wine all of a sudden? What drives an atheist to become an ardent worshiper of God? How could an intelligent person relate to God as to an adult human being? Transformative Religious Experience answers these questions with fascinating narratives of conversion. These narratives together show how the transforming effects of conversion permeate the daily lives of converts in a multireligious context.Joshua Iyadurai analyzes psychologically the mystical turning point in the conversion process and finds that the divine-human encounter entails a cognitive restructuring: a new set of beliefs, values, and desires replaces previously held religious beliefs, values, and desires. By drawing insights from the fields of psychology, sociology, anthropology, and theology, Iyadurai develops an interdisciplinary step model from a phenomenological perspective to explain the conversion process that incorporates the religious practices and social-psychological factors while giving a central place to religious experience.

1

Visions

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious ideas of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.

—Thomas A. Edison (n.d., p. 8)

If . . . personal experience cannot serve as evidence for religious truth, then we have every reason to doubt the veridicality of orgasms.

—Gwen Griffith-Dickson (2000, p. 135)

Religious experiences involving a vision have visual, auditory, and automatic elements that involve the sensory organs. In automatism, one does something apart from conscious thought. While having a vision, the convert is passive, however, some sensory organs are active during the vision and the convert returns to waking consciousness after the experience. Though prior knowledge is a tool to interpret the vision, prior religious belief is redundant. In conversions to Christianity, converts identify the divine with Jesus in the their vision. Converts’ prejudices against or enmity toward Christianity disappear at this vision of Jesus. Fervor and pride in their religion of birth also vanish at the religious experience, and then they follow Jesus without hesitation. I present three visions in this chapter. The converts are ordinary people who did nothing to induce their religious experience, but still they had a vision of Jesus.

I first present the conversion narrative of Sania, a wealthy businessperson from a Muslim family. Sania had a vision of Jesus at the age of eighteen when she was studying engineering. She had to flee her home and move from one city to another for about ten years to evade her father’s pursuit owing to her conversion to Christianity. I tried to contact her through various sources to have her as part of my study but failed. She never responded to my communication as she was reluctant to give an interview to a stranger. Finally, through a common friend I was able to get her to agree to meet with me. I introduced myself to her as a cross-cultural missionary working in North India, though I hail from South India and was then doing research on conversion. Once she was convinced that I was not simply an academic, but also one who serves the Lord, she was willing to share her life story. After this introduction and clarification about me, I was able to establish a good rapport with her and asked her to narrate her conversion story.

Sania: Actually, I am from . . . a Muslim family. From a very young age, we were taught Quran . . . My father is well-known in the business circle in the city. He treated me like his son [he has only two daughters] for educating me with a modern worldview. I grew up with a strong belief in my religion; however, we practiced tolerance towards other religions. I was good at my studies. I had to go to another city . . . for my engineering studies. That was the first time I left my home and stayed in a hostel.

My conversion happened dramatically. I never went to a church or read the Bible then. I never even had a Christian friend—no, I had only one Christian friend, but she never told me anything about Christ. She herself did not know anything about Christianity. I never had any idea about Christianity. All I knew about Christianity was that there was a religion called Christianity and Jesus was their God. My understanding of Christianity was based on whatever I had seen—mass or church—in the movies. My understanding of Christianity was very limited.

During the second year of my engineering studies, suddenly I was going through some kind of depression. I felt that I should be alone. I did not feel like talking to anybody. Otherwise, I was very active and also active socially.

This happened during Ramadan. We women continue the fast if we cannot complete it during the month of Ramadan. [When women have their periods, they carry over the fast.] Women can complete the fast later. So my mother told me, “Why don’t you fast and pray? You can get peace of mind.” They felt I should consult a psychiatrist. Because I was having exams I could not go. I asked the warden for a corner room where I could be alone and prepare for my exams. She gave me a room in the basement where no one else stayed. So literally I used to go to classes and come back and stay in the room and do my studies.

I forgot the exact date, but it was sometime in 1993. It was the coldest season. In the afternoon I left the window open. Sunlight was coming in. My table was in front of the window, and I was writing an assignment. I locked the door from inside. As I was writing, suddenly I heard a voice calling me by name and saying, “Pray.” I felt as if someone were standing behind me. I heard a man’s voice . . . I just turned back only to see none. The door was locked. I felt much wearied. I really felt as if I were hallucinating or going mad. Already the talk of consulting a psychiatrist was considered by my parents . . . As I started reading, again . . . the same voice was saying, “Pray.” This time it kept repeating, “Pray, pray, pray” . . . I really thought, “I am gone mad.” I thought I was really becoming mad . . . I really felt something was wrong with me. I closed the book as I could not concentrate; just sat there. I looked at my watch, and it was 1:30 p.m. The Muslim prayer time had passed in the afternoon. Really, I did not know how to pray; we were taught to pray only at that time. I was thinking, “How will I pray now?”

So I just closed my eyes, sitting on my chair. I said within my heart—I remember very well, I said, “I do not know who this is asking me to pray. If there is a God, then I want to see that God. I have done all that my parents have told me to do. But I have never felt or seen you.” I prayed as if it were a routine. “If I am not mad, then I need to see who is calling me.” I was saying this in my heart. I just closed my eyes.

I was eighteen then. For the first time in my life, never had I seen such a thing. I saw with my eyes closed; I saw the whole room and everything. Near my table, I saw one person was standing—a huge, tall person—but I could not see the face. His face was bright, very bright . . . mmm, very bright. The garment itself was very bright. I do not know what he was wearing; it was like a kurtha [a long top men wear in India], a very bright thing. I knew it was a person, but I could not see the face. I knew instantly that it was Jesus. Now he did not say, “I am Jesus”—nothing! I knew in my heart immediately that it was Jesus. I did not have any doubt. I never had any doubt. I did not even question myself. I cannot explain . . . that feeling! I just knew it was Jesus.

The next moment, I was on my knees. I just fell down . . . I just fell, on my own; I fell down. I was sobbing and crying and crying and crying and crying because I felt very dirty. The brightness—whatever the bright thing was, the brightness around me . . . I looked at myself in my vision. I was seeing; I was looking at myself. I was fully black and full of dirt. The light gave such feeling about me. I felt I was so poor inside of me. Since I come from a rich family, I never lacked anything. I never had such kind of feeling. But that day I felt I was very poor. I felt I had too much of pride. I never knew that I had all these things. But I was crying and crying, sobbing and sobbing on my knees. I remember saying, “I do not know who you are, but Jesus, I need you. I know I need you in my life because I am very poor—I cannot handle it. I am very poor on my own. I cannot do anything. I need you.” I did not realize at the time that I was born again. I was crying and then the vision disappeared.

Sania was a righteous person and never felt that she was sinful before her vision. She never struggled to overcome sin, but only the vision made her feel that she was sinful, dirty, and poor. It appears that the vision brought in her a sense of sin and created a need to depend on the divine. A crisis was created and a resolution offered at the religious experience. She continued her narration:

Sania: When I opened my eyes, it was about 2:15 or 2:45 p.m. It lasted for a long period. Then a fear gripped me; I felt very scared. I felt, “What has gone wrong with me? Why was I crying like this?” I felt like running out of my room. I was terrified and opened the door and ran out. Then I was very disturbed. I did not know what to do. Who do I talk to? I cannot tell anyone. I was thinking, “Where to go? What to do?” Then came to my mind a Christian girl who was in another branch of study and was in the same hostel. But I never talked to her in the past. She was very different. She never used to hang around with others. But her name came to my mind.

I went to her room and woke her up. She was napping—it was in the afternoon. I woke her up. I had never spoken to her earlier. I told her what I said [in response to the voice asking me to pray]: “If there is a God, I need to see you.” Then I saw Jesus. I questioned her, “Why did I see Jesus? Because I am not a Christian! I am a Muslim! Why did I see him?” I think my eyes were red; I was quite . . . you know. She might have been scared. She did not know what to do. She had a Bible with her and gave me the Bible and said, “I do not know!” She opened to the Book of John and put a slip of paper there and said, “You read this.” She also said, “If you have seen Jesus, he would speak to you.” [Laughs.] I think she was taken aback. She did not know what to do!

I took the book and went to my room. I started reading. That day I read and read and read. I read the Bible from John to Revelation, then from Genesis. I was reading till 3:00 in the morning. I kept on reading and reading, just like that. I never read a book like that; it was very alive, as if the words were popping out of the pages and speaking to me. As I was reading, I was crying at that time. The words were alive. I never read any book in my life like that, a different kind of a book. So I kept reading. Next morning I went back to her . . . No, it was not the next day; I kept reading the Bible; after two days . . . I do not remember; I was reading the Bible for a few days.

During these days, there was a battle in my mind. Throughout my life, I have been a science person and quite logical. I was taught that Islam was true. I was thinking of all that I believed. I really looked up to my father and what he taught me. I had a feeling that he could never be wrong. How could what I believed all these days become all false suddenly? In a fraction of a second, it goes off. I was not sure what I was doing all the time. How come it was wrong all of a sudden? All of a sudden, I found out that all I believed was wrong. I questioned, “If Jesus is the true God, if all religions are same, if all roads lead to one God, why did not I see Allah or Shiva or someone else when I prayed?” All kinds of questions were coming up in my mind; ...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Foreword
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Visions
• Chapter 2: Dreams
• Chapter 3: Voices of God
• Chapter 4: Miracles
• Chapter 5: Prayers
• Chapter 6: Mild Experiences
• Chapter 7: The Mystical Turning Point
• Chapter 8: Transforming Effects
• Chapter 9: Hostilities
• Chapter 10: The Step Model
• Bibliography