Love Letter to a Conflicted Church

Promise in Our Anger and Disagreements

Olson

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2010
• eBook ISBN: 9781498271578
• Topic: Theologie & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

The book is organized into three divisions, and as the title implies, there is a brief letter in the form of a New Testament epistle to the contemporary church, a portion of which begins each chapter. The first division reexamines the gifts and redemptive possibilities of anger and conflict. The barriers to healthy anger-conflict are considered and addressed. In the second, attention is given to conflicts surrounding the Bible. There is a chapter on conflict and reconciliation in the Bible, followed by suggestions on how people who read the Bible differently from each other can resolve some of those differences. Consideration is also given to discovering biblical priorities for the contemporary church. The third division offers vistas of change and reconciliation. Parables of hope and promise are provided. Insights from the studies of persons and communities as well as ethics and theology are summarized. There is reflection on those unresolved conflicts that continue in spite of our best efforts. Then moral imagination is engaged to visualize the opportunities for a church that moves beyond its present stalemates.

1

The Gifts of Anger and Conflict

. . . As we reflect on these troubling matters, there are many things we need to explore. We might begin this journey by considering the possibility that anger and conflict, in addition to being natural and normal happenings, may also be a gift . . . but, what kind of gift? Anger and conflict can help people clarify issues, clear the air, sense danger, confront injustice, and grow more purposeful. There is risk and trust when people face their anger and conflict openly. Some have discovered, to their amazement and awe, that they grow spiritually, and that while working on conflicts they are on holy ground . . .

For Your Personal or Group Worship

Scripture

He looked around at them with anger; he was grieved at their hardness of heart and he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” (Mark 3:5)

Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. (Eph 4:26)

A Word to Ponder

Conflict presents us with choices that form our destiny, choices that both reflect and shape who we are as persons and communities. These choices go beyond the immediate issues in dispute. They mold our hearts and alter the world in which our children and grandchildren will live. In moments of conflict, we make long lasting decisions about the institutions and resources with which we construct our lives. Our deepest values shape and are shaped by our choices. Few moments bring together so many far-reaching choices as the moment of conflict.—Ronald S. Kraybill with Robert A. Evans and Alice Frazer Evans1

For Your Thought and Reflection

An Alternative View of Anger

We begin with a statement that, though strange, is both true and important. It is this—anger and conflict

1. are entirely normal and natural,

• are gifts to us as individuals and as church,

• possess potential for great good and great growth, and

• present us with important ethical decisions and dilemmas.

A first response to this statement may be, “This is not what I was taught.” A second may be, “This is not what I have experienced. Crabby people, violent people, unapproachable people have not made anger and conflict feel normal, natural, or gift to me.” At very least, that opening statement may have to be qualified a good bit.

Like any other gift (money or sexuality, for example), the gifts of anger and conflict can be abused. If we are to address our tragic church divisions, we will need to be more accepting of anger-conflict, more comfortable with it, and more skilful in engaging it and challenging its excesses. Openness to this emotion is a place to start.

The gospels describe Jesus as a person who freely engaged in fitting anger and conflict. He was angry with people who would not discuss important issues with him (Mark 3:5), with religious leaders who missed the point of obedience to God (Matt 23:1–36), with an unresponsive Jerusalem (Matt 23:27–39, Luke 13:34–35), with moneychangers in the temple (Matt 21:11–13 and John 2:13–16). He confronted self-seeking disciples, would-be followers, and ungracious hosts. A fresh reading of the gospels will allow the follower of Christ to consider the possibility that for Jesus, anger and conflict were necessary and natural. As we watch his use and experience of anger and conflict, we see them as potential gifts, friends, and instruments for personal and church growth. We will look at Jesus’s story of anger and conflict in much more detail in chapter 4.

Of course, it is not easy to feel good about one’s anger. In his classic little book on this topic, Theodore Isaac Rubin notes, “Too often anger is not seen as basic or human. Anger is easily the most maligned . . . of feelings and responses.” And yet, in spite of this, he goes on to suggest, “Feeling angry is a universal human phenomenon. It is as basic as feeling hungry, lonely, loving, or tired. The capacity to feel angry and to respond in some way to that feeling is in us from birth.”2

No one, certainly not Dr. Rubin, would contend that this is a gift without its dangers. Unrecognized, suppressed, misdirected anger can be damaging to one’s own physical and mental health and to one’s important relationships. It is a gift that cries out for recognition; if not afforded that recognition, it can sting us!

Once recognized, it can be so enriching to our lives. Audre Lorde comments, “Anger is loaded with information and energy . . . [and is] an important source of empowerment.”3

Harriet Lerner enumerates these gifts of anger so well—

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self—our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions—is being compromised in a relationship. Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortably do or give. Or our anger may warn us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth. Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of our self. Our anger can motivate us to say “no” to the ways in which we are defined by others and “yes” to the dictates of our own inner self.4

Counselors have long noted that anger is almost always the second emotion. There is a basic emotion—hurt or fear or pain, for example—that comes first. Anger comes second and is what we express rather than the primary emotion. Thus, as Lerner points out, a gift of anger is to alert us to what are the primary feelings.

Greater self-awareness, more zest for living, sensitivity to inner hurts and relationships that need attention, more inner freedom—all of this and more can come from an acceptance and recognition of anger in one’s life.

Of course, these benefits do not come automatically. Quite often, if I am to gain from this greater self-awareness, I need to carry on a conversation with the person or organization with whom I am angry. Quite possibly this will lead to conflict.

An Alternative View of Conflict

Conflict is the other of the gifts we are exploring in this chapter. While anger is the inner, personal experience, conflict is the outer, relational expression. Like anger, conflict is a normal experience in human life. Abraham Lincoln once commented that the situation of the world could be seen in his two sons. He had three walnuts and each son wanted two!

That is pretty normal, as are most of our conflicts. We live in marriages, families, churches, communities where our needs compete, things not to our liking often happen, and there are differences over troubling issues. When two or more parties each seek their best interest, there will be conflict. If natural and inevitable, conflict need not be evil, wrong, or destructive. Since conflict is normal, we can be more relaxed about those with whom we have conflicts.5 Also, we can be free to let the conflict unfold.

Why is there anger and conflict in the world? Where did it come from? John Paul Lederach invites us to consider the opening chapters of Genesis. There is beautiful, delightfully chaotic creation, and there are Adam and Eve, two free human beings, each created in the image of God naming the animals.

As Adam and Eve were naming the animals and plants, feeding themselves, filling the earth, and being fruitful and multiplying, can you imagine that they went about their tasks without disagreement and argument? Both were created in the image of God. Each was a...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Preface
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction: Three Men and a Calf
• The Letter
• Chapter 1: The Gifts of Anger and Conflict
• Part One: Anger and Conflict Reconsidered
• Chapter 2: The Redemptive Possibilities in Conflict
• Chapter 3: Overcoming the Barriers to Creative Conflict
• Chapter 4: Anger, Conflict, and Reconciliation in the Bible
• Part Two: Revisiting the Bible for Perspectives on Conflict
• Chapter 5: Beyond Conflict about the Bible: A Beginning Dialogue
• Chapter 6: The Purpose of the Church: A Search for Biblical Priorities
• Chapter 7: Parables of Hope and Promise
• Part Three: Vistas of Change and Reconciliation
• Chapter 8: Insights from Studies of Persons and Communities
• Chapter 9: Further Aids to the Search from Christian Ethics and Theology
• Chapter 10: What if—in Spite of All Our Efforts—We Are Still at Odds?
• Chapter 11: A Healing Balm to the Nations: Activating Our Moral and Spiritual Imagination
• Resources for Congregations (and Other Entities) in Conflict
• Bibliography