Practicing the Presence of Jesus

Contemporary Meditation

Irene Alexander

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2011
• Print ISBN:
  9781610971065
  9781498259156
• eBook ISBN:
  9781498271462
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Church

Many Christians long to know God more deeply but find themselves limited by old understandings and ways of knowing. Practicing the Presence of Jesus rediscovers the centuries old Ignatian tradition of placing oneself into the gospel story to experience the presence of Jesus in a vital and real way. Each chapter explores another angle to come to the stories, while remaining true to the scripture. Irene Alexander gives examples of her own retellings, and real life interactions with the gospels to illustrate the process and make it accessible to contemporary readers. Readers will be led through a process of entering the stories themselves, so that they connect with the Jesus, human and divine, in the present reality of their daily lives. Relevant for new believers as well as those who have known God for decades, these stories introduce readers to a vibrant way of being present to the reality of our God.

1

Retelling in My Words

Finding Ways to be Inside the Gospel

Many of us have read and reread the gospel stories; maybe we heard them in our youth, and know them from as far back as we remember. If so, it is likely we have identified at some level with the characters in the story, imagined ourselves sitting at the feet of Jesus with Mary of Bethany, identified with the disciples in the storm, questioned if we would have run away in the Garden of Gethsemane. Sometimes we have found fresh insight as we listen again, other times we may wonder if we have mined all we can from the stories. We may need to find new ways to slip through the curtain separating us from the real human world that Jesus walked in. One way to slip through the curtain is to retell the story in our own words, to imagine writing in a journal as one of the characters, or pen a letter to a friend. We might specifically select a story that parallels our own life in some way, or simply choose a story that seems to invite our attention.

Recognizing My Own Need for Resurrection

My academic work has been a source of life to me. To see other people gain understanding, experience the self-knowledge of their own transformational journey, developing courses to facilitate this process, and coordinate the work of others to contribute to the overall program is very satisfying—but also life-consuming. After fourteen years of academic work, which had included the end of my marriage, I knew I needed a sabbatical. Exactly what I would do was unclear, except for one thing; I knew I wanted to take part in a thirty-day silent retreat. I had already experienced a number of shorter retreats and found them deeply challenging and deeply life-giving. I eventually found a retreat center set amongst mountainous beauty, and the spiritual companionship of a gentle and steadfast nun.

As the days passed and I faced some of my demons, I came to have recognition of my own despair. My director suggested I spend the day contemplating the subjects of death and resurrection. I set off for a three hour walk around the lake taking with me the story of Martha and Lazarus. I was only too aware of the losses in my own life and the death of my dreams; so it was easy to imagine myself as Martha experiencing the loss of her dearly beloved brother. It was also easy to imagine the disciples’ fears of losing Jesus. As I put myself in Martha’s shoes, I imagined her retelling her story to a friend, or pouring out her feelings into a diary.

As I pondered on the image of Martha asking Jesus to come to save her brother from dying, I could feel how heartrending her brother’s loss would have been for her, how empty her life would be without him, how she could not bear to imagine it. As I connected with this image, I allowed my own fears of losing what was most precious to me to come to the surface. This enabled me to bring those fears to Jesus in a very real way.

I also imagined what it would have been like to be present as Jesus and the disciples received Martha’s messenger, and put myself into the person of Mary Magdalene, listening and responding in fear of loss of the man she loved.

Daring to Believe Resurrection (John 11)

Martha:

My brother is dying. Every day he is weaker and there is nothing that helps. Even physicians who know about this sickness say there is nothing we can do. We are taking turns to sit with him. But I cannot sleep. I cannot bear for him to die. He and Mary and I have stayed together since our parents died. We’ve had enough money to do it. We have felt so right together. Even though others have pressured me, I have not married; I want to stay with my brother and sister. And now he is dying. How will we live without him?

There is one thing I can do. It will endanger a dear friend, but I must do it. I cannot bear that he should die. I’ll send a servant; Joshua would be best. First thing in the morning he can go and find Jesus. I know it’s dangerous for Jesus to come here, so close to Jerusalem. And he may not come. But I can no longer bear not to ask. And I know he loves Lazarus as I do. I can only ask.

••••

Mary Magdalene:

Who is this late at night, asking for Jesus? I think I recognize him; ah, I know him. He’s a servant of Lazarus and Martha. He’s being shown to the room where they’re talking, discussing the day and tomorrow’s plans. I can hear him telling of Lazarus’s sickness—and Martha’s request that Jesus come. No! I hold my breath willing him to say no. It’s much too dangerous, and I hear Thomas saying so: “What! When we know the Pharisees in Jerusalem are out to get him!”

Jesus is quiet. I can imagine him looking at each one in turn—his penetrating look that makes each of us search our reactions and our motives.

He does not answer. Then he says to the servant, “Stay with us tonight, and tell Martha we received the message.” He said this with great kindness, but with no hint of a response. Please Jesus, you mustn’t go.

The next morning I am tense, afraid he will be setting off with the servant, but I see the man leave alone. Jesus obviously has other plans. Over the next two days I relax as he seems to be making no preparations to leave.

••••

Martha:

What shall I do? I’ve done everything. I’m exhausted but I cannot sleep. My tears are cried out. I keep as busy as I can. And I cannot help saying it: I wish Jesus had come. I know it’s dangerous. I know he has to make these decisions. But I know he could have prevented him from dying. Lazarus is dead. I cannot bear it. Why didn’t he come? Joshua told me he just said, “Tell her I got the message. Tell her to trust.” So what did that mean? I did all the trusting I could, but Lazarus is dead. And yet even now, even now, if only he would come. I heard he brought back the widow’s son. I’m going to have to send Joshua again. I can’t bear to not tell Jesus. I’ll just tell him to say Lazarus is dead. Then it’s up to him. And, meantime, I’ve sent messages to everyone in the village and Jerusalem. I’ve cooked, and organized, and planned. Tomorrow we will bury him. I cannot bear it. Oh Jesus, please come, at least to comfort us.

••••

Mary Magdalene:

Here’s Martha’s servant again. I see the others tense up as well. None of us want Jesus to go up there. I can’t hear the servant’s message but then I hear Jesus say, “Our friend Lazarus is sleeping.” I hear Peter’s relieved laugh, “Great he’s on the mend then.” We all relax, but only for a moment. “No, I mean he has died. And for your sakes, I’m glad I wasn’t there, because now you will believe. So let us go to him.”

What! What is he talking about? Lazarus is dead. My heart weeps for Martha and Mary. But they would understand. Jesus cannot go there now. Then Thomas says it for all of us. “Let’s also go, that we might die with him.” He knows there’s no point in trying to persuade Jesus, and so we begin to prepare to leave. I’m going to go up there, too; I can’t let this happen and not be there.

••••

Martha:

We have buried him. My life is empty, even though everyone’s still here, even though we’ve eaten and drunk and told stories of him, and sung together. How will life go on?

And Mary. Mary of course is beside herself. She can’t stop crying. I didn’t even tell her I sent Joshua again. I didn’t want her to hope. I know that’s a...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Retelling in My Words
• Chapter 2: Experiencing the Emotion
• Chapter 3: The Emotion Leads to the Story
• Chapter 4: Using a Story to Guide My Processing of My Emotion
• Chapter 5: Telling Someone Else’s Story
• Chapter 6: The Older Sister
• Chapter 7: Opposites
• Chapter 8: A Real Life Experience—and Jesus’ Life
• Chapter 9: Remembering the Child I Was
• Chapter 10: Responding to Art
• Chapter 11: Copying the Pattern
• Chapter 12: Discerning Both Sides—in Me
• Chapter 13: To Be Like Jesus
• Chapter 14: Coming to the God Who Is
• Chapter 15: Lover and Beloved
• Chapter 16: Afterword
• Bibliography