Daughters of the Most High

Carlin

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2006
• eBook ISBN: 9781498276269
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Each of us will come to at least one crossroads in our lives where decisions must be made that will impact both our past and our future. If we come to that point as wounded and broken-hearted victims of abuse, the hope of a brighter day may be unmet. Joyce Carlin, teacher, counselor, and survivor provides the answers that can heal and strengthen Christian women who may be struggling with feelings of inadequacy and a lack of self worth. This book is an essential tool for emotional healing that contains a gentle and uplifting message confirming who you are in the eyes of an adoring and faithful Father.

Chapter One

“What Is A Father?”

For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made . . .

—Psalm 139: 13-14

When was the last time you watched a made-for-TV movie chronicling the joys and struggles of two, sweet expectant parents as they prepared for the arrival of their child? We see these kinds of movies much less than we used to years ago. The more current topics seem to emphasize the breakdown of the family and the horror of alternative lifestyles. Still, I’m sure you can recall at least one story of triumph for the nuclear family, created in the hearts and minds of Americana. Just for nostalgia, focus on that little mommy and daddy as they tick away the months, anxiously filling each day with the wonder and growing love intended by our Creator. I’m sure, if you have ever given birth in a traditional sense, you remember the experiences of carrying, protecting, and delivering your baby. Usually, the discomfort and agony of pregnancy and childbirth quickly give way to the joy and overwhelming love of motherhood. And, the stories of the pain remain just that, stories to tell to others who have been through the same thing or are embarking on the possibility. At any rate, we become mommies from our first realization of the growing person within us. We celebrate each milestone of this special creation and glory in the wonder of movement, warmth, heaviness, and contentment. Perhaps, your time-in-waiting was not so traditional, and you have another story to tell. Please just remember, we are waxing nostalgic here and don’t get ahead of me.

The point is that, during the pregnancy, you are the custodial parent. You are the one vomiting, over-eating, craving, visiting the potty constantly, unable to see your feet, swelling, sweating, freezing, crying, screaming, sleeping, and fretting over how you look, how the baby is doing, and what in the world you were thinking getting into this predicament! Daddy is usually just handing out cigars, getting pats on the back, and tiptoeing around you. If you believe that, I’ve got some property I’d like to discuss with you!

The Beginning of the Journey

Well then, what is a father? Where does fatherhood begin and where should it end? Is there a recipe for being a daddy and, if so, where can we get one? I only bring this up because most of you can’t relate to the father of the made-for-TV movie. It’s a great story, but it does not make us weep because it is so sweet. We weep because we are in mourning for our own lost father and our own missing joy. What in the world was my dad thinking? And, why does that thought hurt so much? I am aware that these are hard questions. I somewhat apologize for the discomfort, understanding full well what is festering down deep in your soul. I just know that you will be comforted and restored by answering them. You know, it’s like when you have a really nasty “owie” that is infected and must be opened, cleaned, and treated in order to heal. It is still up to you whether or not to take this journey. I’m not holding a Twinkie in front of you, demanding that you read or starve. (I just love Twinkies. I know some of you are cupcake girls, and I still love you, but Twinkies—oh my!) As we salivate together, I beg you to muster your strength because I promise, if you take this message to heart, whatever pains you have suffered can heal. This terrible secret may even become your badge of courage. The wrongs can be righted and you can be victorious. “Oh, victory in Jesus, My Savior, forever.” Remember that old hymn? You know it’s true, so just imagine that Jesus is holding your hand even now, staying close by, never to leave. Ask Him to stay and keep reading. This is going to get exciting.

Imagine that you are searching through the classifieds for some exotic, unique job opportunity to replace your current lively occupation. (I’m a big kidder. I hope you will forgive me.)

Clearly, one of the ads sticks out as a point of interest: WANTED: SUPERMAN. (Who doesn’t?) Stay in one place most of your life. Do the same things over and over. Worry daily and nightly about finances, home repairs, auto repairs, relationship stresses, large or small parenting mistakes, the safety and physical comfort of your companions and associates, your health, the necessity of pleasing your superiors, your own career goals and frustrations, your inability to perform any one of these tasks, and the constant possibility that it could all be taken away at any moment.

Where do I apply? Right? I’m only partially kidding because these are a few of the general requirements for traditional fatherhood. Of course, the job description gets more detailed depending on each man’s individual circumstances. For example, one might also need to be a qualified counselor, a spiritual advisor, a capable and adequate provider, a patient listener, a gentle persuader, a comforter, a teacher, a thoughtful husband and father, a hero and champion, a dreamer and organizer, a plumber, electrician, roofer, carpenter, landscaper, handyman, mechanic, sanitation worker, public speaker, mediator, referee, chief executive officer, accountant, salesman, public relations officer, security guard, romantic, caring and respectful lover, entertainer, chauffer, vacation coordinator, snappy dresser, tidy roommate, disciplinarian and watchful shepherd, affectionate, involved, fine example to all, humble servant, and practical problem resolution technician. Whew! Don’t trample the other applicants getting out of here!

Where Do I Turn For Healing?

The point of this flight into fancy is to help bring focus to some of our expectations and those realities that are often forgotten in our times of neediness or sorrow. I’m just asking you to consider that your list of must-be’s might be a little energetic, at the least. It may even be that you have been brainwashed to a degree by your childish (and often, selfish) desires. Did you want the perfect father? Did you expect humanly impossible behavior? Are you, or someone you know, capable of meeting your model for the perfect father? Have you been a little hard on dear, old dad? Maybe not, since I know that some of you have real and painful wounds that are still healing. Please, do not think that I demean those experiences in any way. Just think about giving your father permission to have failed somewhere—to have been imperfect. Allow yourself to entertain letting him off the hook for his mistakes. You might even try assuming that your father did the best that he could in his circumstance. Not ready for that yet? That’s all right. Your father may not deserve this forgiveness. I just know that you do not deserve to carry this tormented aching around in your stomach or neck for even one more precious day. I think it’s time for us to take a few moments for a little heart-to-heart between you and me. And, I also know this does not surprise you.

There is a time in the lives of us all when we are largely alone with ourselves. It is certainly not in the bathroom, if you are a mother. That seems to be the time our kids, or that big kid we married, need their socks, something to eat, or for you to count their fingers pushed ceremoniously under the bathroom door, just to keep you in the game. No, I’m speaking about the moments before sleep overtakes you at night. It’s a queerly, quiet time when all the others in the home are asleep, including bigfoot who has all the covers. I hope I am not the only freak who stares at the ceiling and counts the triumphs and tragedies of the day at sleepy time. Please, tell me that you spend at least a couple of seconds worrying or awfulizing about future events, past failures, or forgotten details. If not, send a little donation. I need help. But, if you fit this nighttime profile, take a moment to recall those tears and fears. Because this behavior keeps you from resting, it is punishing and destructive. As a little girl, you probably took over this responsibility very early on. After all, when final quiet reigns, who will remind you of your lack of worth if not you? Don’t despair. I remember that we are discussing what a father is and not what a mess you are.

Anyway, those final evening thoughts creep into your very soul and keep you from falling into peaceful slumber before snoreman begins the evening performance, right? Or, if you are single, the thoughts keep you up re-reading Sense and Sensibility. I know what you’re doing. Anything is better than facing true north and having your throat close off painfully, as you fight back tears—again. I’m not asking you to analyze yourself. There are plenty of books out there to help you delay joy, written by many who are much more educated than I in the art of psychology. I will leave that business to them. (Besides, I think they are awake, too!) I just want to share the peace that passes all understanding with you. That doesn’t require all those college courses.

I’m going to guess that you spend most nights taking upon yourselves the mantle of the failures of others. That is much less comforting than goose down. I also think that one of the people who failed you was your dad. I told you I’d get back to him. Please accept my invitation to consider that at least some of your sadness, depression, feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, and the subsequent reflections on poor choices may be tied up with your childhood experiences with him. Little girls have a deep need to be fathered with integrity, gentleness, and reverence. Most of us did not internalize our lives that way.

What Should A Father Be?

So, what should a father be? I am compelled to go to the source of fatherhood and to the manual given us by God. I want you to know that our Father God would share this message with you right this minute. Try very hard to vicariously enjoy this thumbnail portrait and bask in the plan our Father in Heaven has for you.

I began this chapter with the beautiful Psalm 139, in which God reminds us that He has always known you. Not only did He create the heavens and the earth, but also, at just the right time and in just the right place, He created your “innermost being.” (Psalm 139:13, paraphrased) He took his big, old needles and knit you together in your mother’s womb. Can you imagine? You were once a little, tiny body, inside your mommy. Think of it. You were “carefully and WONDERFULLY made” (Psalm 139:14, paraphrased) as the precious child of God who planned all your days and thinks of you more times each day than the number of “grains of sand!” (Psalm 139:17&18, paraphrased) Daddies should do that. Somewhere along the way, you learned to behave according to some set of human blueprints perpetrated by a mortal and imperfect father and not the high goals of our God.

Did you realize that the Creator of the universe has plans to prosper you and not to harm you? That’s what real dads think about. Additionally, He wants to give you hope and a future. Romans, chapter 8, says that He will reveal His glory in you. How’s that for a Father’s pride in his child? I can think of little that is more gratifying than the loving desire of a righteous father to have his baby girl as His representative.

I Am Not Worthy

I’m asking you to give up a lifetime of learned behavior to experience this joy and peace. As miserable as your life may have been, I know how scary that is. By the way, this is about the time that you are arguing with me (or more honestly yourself) about your worthiness to be loved by Our Father in this manner. Surely, I don’t understand just how miserable a wretch you are. Certainly, the King of Kings does not desire you in the throne room. After all, what about your sinful past, your filthy habits, your tattered resolves? Imagine if someone you truly loved were to come to you with a broken arm, skinned knee, shameful secret, or damaging confession to name a few, and you blamed and punished and disowned. You wouldn’t do that. A good father wouldn’t either. He might say something like this, as He did in Romans 8:38:

Precious child, no matter how high

you soar or how deep you sink, nothing,

not eve...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: “What Is A Father?”
• Chapter 2: What Is a Daughter?
• Chapter 3: Who Is to Blame?
• Chapter 4: What Do We Do Now?