Keeping the Faith in Interfaith Relationships

Dauermann

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2009
• eBook ISBN: 9781498276733
• Topic: Teologia e religione
• Subtopic: Religione

In Keeping the Faith in Interfaith Relationships, Stuart Dauermann calls for a reconsideration of the long held assumption that a Jew who believes in Jesus exits from Jewish life. Dauermann represents Jesus, not as an exit, but as an entrance into more serious engagement with Jewish life. The implications of this perspective for interfaith couples, both Christians and Jews, are profound.

Salad, Soup, and Goodies” is one of those big serve-yourself places where you can go grab seconds or thirds of a wide variety of foods. You can sit and eat all day if you feel like it. It’s my favorite place to meet with people who want to talk.

This particular night I was waiting for Cindy, a beautiful Chris-tian woman, and Jake, her Jewish boyfriend. Both came from large and loving families: hers, Los Angeles evangelicals and his, Reform Jews from Las Vegas.

The families loved Jake and Cindy, but Jesus, or Yeshua as we call him, had become an obstacle between Cindy and Jake, and a big issue for their families. Cindy felt she couldn’t entertain the possibility of marriage unless Jake and she were of one mind on Yeshua, and Jake knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t make room in their marriage for Yeshua if it meant betraying his Jewishness and his family.

We met at the door of the restaurant as prearranged and, after getting full plates of salad and our beverages, made our way with our trays to a booth. After some small talk, we got to the reason they had asked to meet with me.

FIRST COURSE—THE SALAD

Jake I think I could believe in Yeshua as the Messiah, but I have a problem.

Stuart (I smiled.) I’ve heard that before, Jake. But everyone has a slightly different slant, and different issues. What are yours?

Jake My Jewish identity and family are the most important things in my life. I love Cindy, and I want to marry her, and I think I understand why she’s so adamant about her faith in Yeshua. Her mom and dad are the same way. But I can’t, I won’t, and I don’t even want to think about believing in Yeshua if it means abandoning Jewish life and identity.

Stuart (I mumbled through a mouthful of Veggie Won Ton Salad.) That all depends.

Jake What did you say?

Stuart (Swallowing a little more, I washed the mouthful down with Diet Pepsi and tried again.) That all depends.

Jake Depends on what?

Stuart (I looked at him and smiled.) That all depends on you!

Jake What do you mean? (Jake was really tracking with me and returned my gaze.)

Stuart It all depends on whether you want to keep living as a Jew. If you come to believe in Yeshua and abandon Jewish life, it will be your choice, nobody else’s. If you want to treat believing in Yeshua like some sort of handy exit from Jewish life and community, go ahead. You can do that. Lots of people just like you have done it before, and lots of others are doing it all the time. But if you are the person of integrity I think you are, you won’t do that. You wouldn’t even think of doing that.

(He nodded, while I continued.)

Instead, you will treat belief in Yeshua as an entrance, a doorway into deeper Jewish loyalty and involvement.

Cindy (Cindy and Jake both looked a little confused. Anxious about Jake, Cindy spoke up.) Can you tell Jake more about what you mean? To tell the truth, I’m not sure I understand myself.

Stuart (I glanced longingly at the rest of my salad, but knew this was not a good time time to keep eating.) Cindy, you already know that Yeshua said, “I am the door.”1 The question is whether we see the door as marked “Entrance” or “Exit.” The Bible is full of indications that Yeshua is meant to be the entrance into deeper Jewish involvement for Jewish people. But for two thousand years, too often he has been the exit. Yet it doesn’t have to be that way. Jake, if you walk through the Yeshua door, the choice and responsibility will be yours as to whether you walk into or out of deeper engagement with Jewish life.

Jake (Jake was stunned.) I never thought of it that way.

(He looked down and diddled with his salad a bit. As he looked up, I could see another question forming on his face. I also resumed my eating.)

I guess I could keep my Jewish connections and practices and let Cindy do her church thing, just so long as we agree to respect each other’s choices.

Stuart Tell me more. (I wanted to hear how Jake imagined things were going to work out between them. He went on.)

Jake Believing in Jesus is important for Cindy, and I kind of wish I could believe like she does. I mean, it makes her so happy and resilient and all. In a way, it would sure make things simpler for us if we both believed the same way. And like we told you when we called you, being on two different sides of this fence means that we can’t really get married, at least not yet.

But, let’s face it, isn’t believing in Jesus really kind of opposite to everything Jews believe? I could tolerate this for Cindy’s sake, but I would need to keep these two compartments separate. I could let her have her religion and church-going, but I would have to keep my Jewishness alive and apart. And, Cindy, you would have to support me in that. Stuart, wouldn’t this be the best way to handle things, so that everyone is respected and nobody is pressured?

Stuart I suppose the two of you want to have kids. (They nodded.) Think about them for a minute. You know, children look to their mommies and daddies to tell them who they are. Am I right?

Cindy Absolutely.

Stuart So, if you follow this “two religions under one roof” idea, and your first child says to you, “Mommy! Daddy! What am I?” What do you say? “Well, Mommy is a Christian, and Daddy is a Jew, and when you grow up you can decide what you want to be?” Doesn’t this sound a little like passing the buck?

Jake What do you mean?

Stuart I mean, the kid is looking to you two to tell him or her what he or she is, and you are saying, “Beats me! You’ll have to figure that one out yourself when you get older!” How does that sit with you two?

Cindy It’s not good. And you’re right: it’s passing the buck. Our children need for us to be responsible, not to pass the responsibility back to them.

Stuart (I turned my attention back to Jake.) Let me be a little bold here, Jake. I’ll bet your Jewish practice up until now has amounted to seders, High Holy Days, Hanukkah lights, Purim parties, Bar Mitzvahs, funerals, weddings and checks to Jewish causes from time to time, right? A kind of “respectable minimalism?”

Jake Yeah. (Jake blushed.) I guess you could say that.

Stuart Let me tell you in advance then, Jake. If you walk through the entrance marked Yes...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• First Course—The Salad