Stories of Therapy, Stories of Faith

McMillan, Penwarden

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2017
• eBook ISBN: 9781498291743
• Topic: Psicologia
• Subtopic: Storia e teoria della psicologia

Stories of Therapy, Stories of Faith is a collection of stories from therapists who have amplified the theology already present in their work. In particular, these authors, a group of counseling practitioners and educators, bring forward a dialogue between their practices and a social Trinitarian theology that emphasizes the relational nature of God and humans. The resulting stories of practice give voice to the ethical hope that counseling practice is participation in the redemptive story of the Gospel. The authors write about their motivations for practice in initiatives as diverse as parenting, trauma work, opposing bullying in schools, reengaging orphaned African children with their heritage, providing hospitality for difference, and counselor education.Stories of Therapy, Stories of Faith will be of interest to counselors and counselor educators, particularly those drawn to developing their ethical and theological commitments within their therapeutic practices.

Section Two

Stories of Counseling Practice

4

Uniqueness and Belonging

Healing through Relationship

Jayme Koerselman

This chapter presents a description of how the analogy of the members of the Trinity relating with uniqueness and a unified belonging has shaped my thinking and practice as a psychotherapist. I will briefly outline Christian trinitarian thought and how I understand this to integrate with philosophical and psychological ideas of relationship. In particular, I will explore how the dynamics of power appear in relationships. Based on how power is configured, relationships can be used to empower people to create a relationship of presence, vulnerability, and trust, or it can result in a battle for control causing isolation and a loss of both “self” and “other.” I believe the ideas of social trinitarianism are especially relevant in understanding how this occurs in a counseling relationship. Authors such as Grenz, Volf, Zizioulas, and Gunton have argued that it is vital to see that God is a social being and that each member of the Trinity relates to one another with particularity and inclusiveness. Taking these ideas forward, Balswick, King, and Reimer suggest that this is central to a theological anthropology and how we were created to develop as human beings within loving “reciprocating relationships.”190 These insights mirror the recent findings within psychology that speak to the importance of healthy attachments and how our interactions with others have the power to shape, and change our development.191 While the social trinitarian analogy has come under significant critique, it has allowed for much more constructive conversation between theology, philosophy, and psychology because of the renewed relational focus. Finally, to show how this integration has developed into my theory of practice, I will discuss the importance of using the interpersonal process of the therapeutic relationship as a vehicle for change.

It All Starts with Relationship

Even for Christians, the concept of the trinitarian relationship between Father, Son, and Spirit can be befuddling. Recently, when I was trying to explain this rich theological concept to my five-year-old son, I asked myself how a rational person could believe, let alone explain, the notion of one substantive God in three distinct persons. Growing up in the Christian tradition, the Trinity was one of those difficult concepts that I naively accepted as part of my faith without much contemplation. It was only when I trained as a therapist at a graduate school intent on grappling with the integration of theology with psychology that the concept started to be transformed into a complex yet foundational tenet of relationality. This learning continued as I moved into teaching counseling at a similar institution which focused even more on these things.

From my study, it became evident that the God we are made to reflect is truly relational. Each member of the Trinity has a mutual and reciprocating love and acceptance for the other and lacks any fear of being overpowered. We similarly are made to connect and relate to others and ourselves in this way. I suggest that this yearning to connect is in our DNA and we can no more rid ourselves of this than our need for oxygen or water. Unfortunately in our current world, I believe that relationships often result in heartache and pain, rather than empowerment and thriving. When this is the case, we tend to respond by trying to relieve the pain and protect ourselves by gaining power over the situation. Instead of entering back into the vulnerability of relationships, we try to take care of our needs alone through other means. These means may include seeking escape through addiction, numbing our desire and emotion, controlling or dismissing others, or even creating a facade of success that masks our shame, anxiety, and emptiness. These problematic ways of coping are often what drive people to seek out therapeutic help.

While these are definite areas of concern for any therapist or client, the foundation of these problems is in our difficulty relating to others. Many therapists (and clients) are focused on solving the symptoms or “presenting problems” in their lives. The aim is to reduce the depression or anxiety, eliminate problem behaviors or phobias, deal with trauma and its effects, or become more comfortable with oneself and one’s desires. The focus on these things may reduce the symptoms but, much like a doctor who only treats the symptoms of the disease and not the disease itself, the root cause may go untreated. I would argue that the root cause of distress lies in the yearning for close relationship and these needs and desires not being met. It is this relationship hunger that can drive people towards therapy. This also seems to reinforce the common western idea that one of the main goals in life should be finding a method which allows us to be self-sufficient and without pain or difficulty. Contrary to this is Jesus’ greatest commandment which speaks to a different goal born out of a relational invitation—to love God, one another, and ourselves.192 His command reminds us that our purpose and fulfillment comes in the form of connection with others and in turn ourselves.

A Core Dilemma

In my teaching roles, I often refer to my conviction that the core dilemma people face as humans is to have a clear sense of both “self” and “other” in our relationships; that is, not to diminish or over-emphasize either. It seems that we constantly wrestle with our desire to be valued and distinctly seen while also being part of a caring community. We want intimate connections with others, but the fear of being rejected and vulnerable is overwhelming. We want relationship, but we also want control. In other words, we want our personal freedom and independence from others, but we also want to ease the loneliness that can seem ever-present.

To manage this primary dilemma, I observe that what often happens in our relationships is an erosion and eventual destruction of the self and/or other. The differences that make us separate and unique individuals are either ignored or forcibly homogenized and the natural interdependence we share becomes severed. As a result, we seem to create hierarchies of power to feel in control and work to be as independent as possible. W...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Contributors
• Foreword
• Introduction
• References
• Section One: A Larger Story
• Section Two: Stories of Counseling Practice
• Section Three: Stories of Counselor Education