Exploring the Psychosocial and Psycho-spiritual Dynamics of Singleness Among African American Christian Women in Midlife

Christina Hicks

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN:
  9781532619519
  9781498245838
• eBook ISBN:
  9781498245821
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Christian Church
• Index: Social Sciences

Exploring the Psychosocial and Psycho-spiritual Dynamics of Singleness Among African American Christian Women in Midlife examines the complexities and realities of singleness in individual, familial, and communal contexts. These realities that are emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual, and social are narrated by three African American women who have reached a critical midlife juncture and they give first-hand accounts of what it means to be Black, single, and Christian in the 21st century. This book provides a much-needed discourse on single African American women and the challenging social, mythical, sexual, and religious perceptions that are endemic to this specific population of women. Moreover, Exploring the Psychosocial and Psycho-spiritual Dynamics of Singleness Among African American Christian Women in Midlife gives insight and voice to the many pastoral concerns of single African American Christian women in the Black church and is purposeful in helping them navigate to a place of health and wholeness.

Chapter 1

“What’s Wrong with You and Why Aren’t You Married?”

SAACW in Midlife: The Black Church and Society

Two years ago, I attended a theological conference where I met several African American women professors, scholars, ministers, clinical practitioners and doctoral candidates in the field of pastoral theology and counseling. An invitation was extended by an African American female professor to all of the African American women in attendance to meet later that evening for an impromptu gathering. As we gathered that evening and made our introductions, a twenty-two-year-old woman, who turned out to be the youngest woman in the room, introduced herself and explained that this conference was recommended by a friend in ministry. As she continued with her introduction she said, “I just want to know one thing, why it is that the White women attending this conference are here with their husbands but none of the Black women are here with their husbands?” “Why are the Black women here by themselves?” “Why are Black women always by themselves?” You could hear a pin drop; there was a dead silence in the room. She went on further to say, “When I go back home all the young Black girls in my church will want to know about the women I’ve met and their families, husbands or boyfriends. One professor explained that she was an African American lesbian and that the culture and society would not allow her to marry (this was before the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage). Another professor said, “Well, you know we are all talented and gifted Black women,” but that didn’t explain why we were a group of talented, gifted and single Black women. The rest of us sat in stunned silence and disbelief. No one else mentioned their marital status (I wasn’t married) when she asked the question, so I assumed that we were all single African American women (at least the women in this gathering) in the room. Everyone seemed uncomfortable with the question because we stared off in space and the energy definitely shifted in the room. The question caught us off guard. We moved on to other conversation, but no one said anything about the topic except the two female professors. Afterward, some of us had a conversation with the young woman in the corner to explain why we were single, because at least for me the question left a funny taste in my mouth, metaphorically speaking. Why did I and others feel a need to explain our marital status to someone we just met? Why did it make us uncomfortable? Why did this question coming from a young twenty-something woman bother me, a single midlife Christian woman?

I believe that the question asked by the young woman and other conversations about single African American women are concerned with the question: “What’s wrong with you and why aren’t you married?” Although there are single women of all ethnicities, single African American women are scrutinized more often than any other group for their marital status and the lack of eligible men that are accessible to marry single African American women. The cultural perception is that African American women are the least likely to marry out of all ethnicities and that 70 percent of African American women will remain single for the rest of their lives.15 Several reasons are cited for the groups of African American women who are unmarried in the following social communications.

According to an April 2015 Brookings Institution study on social mobility, “There is a growing trend in the United States toward assortative mating—a clunky phase that refers to people’s tendency to choose spouses with similar educational attainment.”16 Educational compatibility is crucial in assortative mating because the economic boost between two educated partners is significant. African American families are directly impacted by the economic disparity that exists between the disproportionate numbers of educated African American men that are accessible to the number of educated African American women.17

In addition to the 2015 Brookings Institution study, Ralph Richard Banks, in Is Marriage for White People: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone (2011), explores the evolving relationship market for Black women and the disproportionate number of Black men for them to marry. Banks gives three major contributors to the man shortage:

First, Black men’s incarceration constricts the market for poor and working-class Black women, second, interracial marriage depletes the pool of men for middle-class, college-educated Black women, and third, the economic prospects for many men have worsened while those for women have improved.18

As well, in “Why Educated, Single, Black Women Struggle to Marry,” Black women give their perspective on marriage and whether or not this is a possibility for the future. Many believe that there is not a “large enough pool of their equals to choose a husband.”19 While Black men are more likely to date and marry outside of their race, Black women are 2.5 times less likely to date or marry outside of their race than their male counterparts.20 Other factors in this discussion include an increasing number of available men who are waiting to marry later in life. This is a source of frustration for single twenty- to thirty-year-old African American females who are ready to marry.21 Paradoxically, this places older single African American females in a precarious situation. What we have is large pools of older never-been-married African American females who remain unmarried because of the reasons stated above and other personal and religious factors.

As a final point, many question and blame the Black church for so many single and lonely African American women. In April 2010, CNN explored this issue in “Does the Black Church Keep Black Women Single?” This article begins with a strong assertion by Deborrah Cooper, a writer for the San Francisco Examiner and the blog SurvivingDating.com, in which claims were made about mainline protestant Black churches and their role in “blinding Black women in their search for love.”22 This, Cooper asserts, is due to the rhetoric of conventional Black church ideologies that perpetuate submissive roles of women. These ideologies are conveyed mostly by Black male leaders who “encourage women to be patient instead of getting up and going after what they want, which may mean going to another church or leaving the church to go where the boys go: tailgates, bars and clubs.”23 With this understanding, Cooper suggests that Black women should consider other social arenas to meet men other than the church. Cooper states:

Black women need to open their eyes. You want to know the reason why the Black man isn’t in church? Because he left church to go to the Sunday football game. . . . Going to these sites is discouraged in the Black church because these places are seen as places where “sin dwells.” But if women are compassionate, as the Bible preaches they should be, then they need to be more open about the men they choose to date and where they might meet them.24

Thus, Cooper’s point of contention is that Black women limit themselves from meeting potential suitors because of the pedagogy of the Black church. In rebuttal to Cooper’s argument, Renita J. Weems, a notable biblical scholar and author of women’s spirituality, cautions against Cooper’s premise because it reinforces one m...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Introduction: The Birthing Process
• Chapter 1: “What’s Wrong with You and Why Aren’t You Married?”
• Chapter 2: Thematic Narrative Analysis and Results of SAACW in Midlife
• Chapter 3: “I Think Often about What’s Going to Happen as I Grow Older”
• Chapter 4: “There Is No Such Thing as the Ideal Marriage or Family”
• Chapter 5: “I Decided That I Can Do What I Want with My Body”
• Chapter 6: A Womanist Theological and Biblical Image of Singleness
• Chapter 7: “You Can’t Just Treat Me Like a Stepchild”
• Chapter 8: “God Made Us Special in the Bonds of Sisterhood”
• Appendix 1: Research Participants Consent Form
• Appendix 2: Group Participants Consent Form
• Bibliography