Miss Palmer's Diary

The Secret Journals of a Victorian Lady

Gillian Wagner

• Publisher: I.B. Tauris
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781788310062
• eBook ISBN: 9781786722492
• Edition: 1
• Topic: History
• Subtopic: Historical Biographies
• Index: History

In 1847, seventeen-year-old Miss Ellen Palmer had the world at her feet. A debutante at the start of her first London season, Ellen was beautiful, rich and accomplished and about to experience the world of dances, opera visits and dinner parties which were a rite-of-passage for young women of her class. To record the glittering whirl of activity, Ellen started writing a diary, a unique daily account which was discovered over a century later by her descendants. For Ellen, the path to true love did not run smooth - after a scandalous encounter with a duplicitous Swedish count, her marriage prospects were dealt a heavy blow. But Ellen was a woman ahead of her time. Undeterred by her increasing social isolation, she set off on a treacherous trip across Europe in pursuit of her beloved brother Roger, an officer in the Crimean War. In doing so she became one of the first women to visit the battlefield at Balaclava. Ellen's diaries provide a first-hand account of the realities of debutante life in Victorian London whilst also telling the story of an inspirational young woman, her quest for love and her spectacular journey from the ballroom to the battlefield.

CHAPTER 1

A Strange Family

Ellen Palmer was brought up in the expectation that she would make a socially advantageous marriage. She danced with Napoleon III while he was in exile in London,¹ charmed Lord Cardigan and was entertained by Lord Raglan in the Crimea. She was intelligent, beautiful, musically gifted and an heiress, but she was also demanding, spoilt and self-centred. Her family owned country estates in North Wales (Cefn) and in Ireland near Dublin (Kenure); they also owned extensive lands in County Mayo as well as a large London house in Portland Place, so she had all the attributes needed to attract a suitable husband. Ellen was also strong-willed and although she entered into the role her family expected of her, she nevertheless believed from an early age that she could only marry for love, an unfashionable concept among match-making parents who valued status and financial security above all else for their daughters. However, Ellen’s family also hid a secret: her father was not only epileptic, but was mentally frail and unable to fulfil the traditional role of a head of family. The role was taken on by his wife, who managed the estates, and by Ellen after the death of her mother. This handicap, mentioned only once by Ellen, could be the reason for the family’s failure to attain the place in society they felt they deserved.

Ellen, born in 1829, had a strangely solitary childhood, with only her brother Roger, four years her junior, for company during his school holidays. She felt misunderstood by her dull and dysfunctional family, as well as intellectually alienated by their limited interests and conversation. This left her with the ability to disguise her feelings and conceal her thoughts from her immediate family. It also fortunately led to her using her diaries, not only to give an account of her inner life, but also to record with unflinching honesty the setbacks and snubs as well as the triumphs meted out to her family as they sought to move into the higher reaches of Victorian London society. Never intended for publication, they provide a rare view of that society seen from the point of view of a young girl, only 17 when she started writing and ending seven years later with her journey to the Crimea.

How and why Ellen Palmer’s parents, Eleanora Matthews and Roger Palmer, ever met and then hastily married at Gretna Green, remains a mystery as their families came from very different social backgrounds. Roger Palmer, the son of Sir William Palmer, an Irish baronet, was living in Bruges in early 1828, probably because he was in debt.² Eleanora must have met him in Bruges, but there is no hint as to what she was doing there. She was the youngest of the four Matthews sisters, two of whom were married. Her family of modest means had lived in North Wales for several generations. As she was 32, well past what might be considered marriageable age, she could have gone to Bruges to act as companion to a lady or to work as a governess to a family living there, but it is impossible to know. Roger Palmer, who was 10 years her junior, was almost certainly living there to avoid his creditors. As has become clear from his daughter’s diaries, besides his mental health problems and epilepsy, he had a reputation for running after women³ and, as he was firmly excluded from any financial control of the marriage settlement,⁴ he was probably also a gambler. Eleanora may have seen Roger, with all his disadvantages but nevertheless the son of an Irish baronet, as a means of escaping the dreary life of a Victorian spinster.

Nothing is known about their early relationship or how long they had known each other before their sudden arrival in early March 1828 at Cefn Park in North Wales, the home of Eleanora’s eldest sister Frances and her husband Nathanial Roberts. Given Roger Palmer’s reputation, the likeliest reason seems to be that he had seduced Eleanora. What is certain is that they were immediately packed off to Scotland to regularise their relationship by her shocked relations, who arranged for them to be married at Gretna Green on 14 March 1828.⁵ Their descendants still own the small gold anvil they were given to mark the occasion.

A month later, on 12 April, the couple were married again by special licence at the parish church at Oswestry, with Eleanora’s other brother-in-law, John Gray, and her unmarried sister, Mary Matthews, acting as witnesses. The only unusual fact concerning this second ceremony is that Eleanora is named as ‘Matthews (alias Palmer)’ on the marriage certificate, with the explanation that ‘the parties had recently been married abroad which explains the lady signing in both her names’. It is unclear as to whether ‘abroad’ refers to the Gretna Green marriage or to some ceremony they may have gone through in Bruges before returning to Wales.

The most likely explanation for their sudden return and dash to Scotland would be that Eleanora was pregnant. However, their eldest daughter, Mary Ellen but always known as Ellen, was born 12 months after the marriage. It is possible that Eleanora was pregnant at the time and had a miscarriage. There is another intriguing possibility: could it have been that she had already given birth to another child in Bruges? Among the letters written by the family agent, Edwin Wyett, to Eleanora’s wealthy elder sister Frances Roberts at Cefn Park, is one which is difficult to interpret, but which hints at such a possibility. The agent had already written to Mrs Roberts expressing some surprise at Eleanora’s sudden marriage. In another letter to Frances he wrote that the family solicitor, Mr Jenks,

has effected arrangements so as completely to arrange certain affairs and I believe the mother will come forward on the occasion that has been so prevailed upon. I therefore beg the favour of your not saying anything about the matter to your sisters who will be much annoyed at anything being said on the subject. I have no doubt that everything will go on quite straight. I am confident that I can rely on your honour of keeping the subject of our conversation entirely within your own breast […]⁶

Whatever arrangements had been made, it is clear that money was involved, and it seems likely that Frances, the wealthiest of the sisters, needed to be told about the arrangements. Whether the mother referred to in the letter was paid to adopt the child, or whether the child had been fathered by Roger and the mother was being paid to keep quiet will never be known, but it is certain that there was something that needed hushing up. Edwin Wyett was more than just an agent to the family; he was a more of a friend and confidant to the elderly Nathanial Roberts who was nearly blind. His enigmatic letter to Frances Roberts provides only limited information but gives the sole clue as to the reason for the hurried marriage at Gretna Green.

But for the marriage of Roger and Eleanora, the Palmers and Matthews would almost certainly never have met, the social gulf between the two being almost unbridgeable.

The Palmers had lived in Norfolk before moving to Ireland. They had been strong supporters of Charles II, Roger Palmer having signed the loyal address to the king in 1662, and as a reward been given a grant of Castle Lackin (now a ruin) and large tracts of land in Co. Mayo by patent dated 1 November 1682.⁷ The Palmers continued to live uneventful lives in Co. Mayo and settled around Palmerstown. The eldest grandson of Roger Palmer was known as Roger Palmer of Palmerstown; and the second grandson as Thomas Palmer of Castle Lackin. It was when Roger Palmer’s son Francis married Elizabeth Echlin that the fortunes of the Palmers changed for the better: she was the sole heir to Kenure and the surrounding estates near Rush, Co. Dublin.

Elizabeth was clearly a strong personality: she had married Francis Palmer despite her father, Sir Robert Echlin, having disinherited her for making what he considered to be an unsuitable marriage. As a consequence, the estate and title had gone to a nephew, Sir Henry Echlin, but Henry turned out to be a profligate rogue who lost the estate to a gambling debt. Elizabeth, who was left only a shilling in her father’s will due to marrying against his wishes, managed to buy back the estate. The house at Kenure, known as Rush House before the Palmers changed the name to Kenure Park, was an imposing, quadrangular building in the early-Georgian style, built in 1703. A portico consisting of a pediment supported by four Tuscan pillars flanked by a pair of fierce-looking lions guarded the entrance. Inside, a sweeping, dividing mahogany staircase rose from the hall; the ornate plaster ceilings were by Robert West; and the house was magnificently furnished with Sheraton, Chippendale and Regency furniture. Sadly for Elizabeth and Francis, their only child to marry and have descendants was a daughter, also named Elizabeth. She married Joseph Budworth, who took the name of Palmer jure uxoris in 1812. They in turn only had a daughter, Emma, who married William Alexander Mackinnon. Because there was no male Palmer heir to inherit, it seems Elizabeth gave up her claim to Kenure in favour of the male branch of the family in return for some financial compensation. Kenure passed to a cousin, another Roger Palmer, the son of Thomas Palmer of Castle Lackin. The Palmers now had a title and a country residence of some importance to go with their estates in Co. Mayo.

It was this Roger Palmer who in 1751 had married Eleanor Ambrose,⁸ a renowned beauty. He was MP for Portarlington and she, besides being celebrated for her beauty, was also admired on account of her wit and intelligence. She was a Catholic, an heiress to her father’s successful brewery and was known for her fervent patriotism – which made it all the more remarkable that she became the darling of the strongly Protestant viceregal court in Dublin. Lord Chesterfield,⁹ the Viceroy, was so attracted to her that she was soon to be seen accompanying him to all official ceremonies, despite her religion. She took care to keep the relationship platonic and appeared at a Castle Ball to celebrate the anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne with an orange lily on her breast, causing Chesterfield to improvise the often-quoted lines:

Say, lovely traitor, where’s the jest
Of wearing orange on thy breast,
When that same breast uncovered shows
The whiteness of the rebel rose.¹⁰

The white rose was the symbol of the Jacobites and the Catholic faction. By his marriage to this famous beauty, Roger Palmer brought a certain cachet to his rather ordinary family. It was said to be due to Eleanor’s influence that he was created a baronet in 1777.

The title and estates passed in 1794 to John, their eldest living son, and on his death in 1819 to his son, William Henry Palmer. Sir William Palmer and his wife were living at Kenure in 1847 when the house was damaged by fire. Sir William employed the architect George Papworth not only to repair the damage but also to enlarge the house, and must have been busy overseeing the restoration when the news of his difficult son’s unexpected marriage to Eleanora Matthews arrived.

The history of the Matthews family was much less colourful than that of the Palmers. A family of modest means, the Matthews had, for a considerable time, lived quietly in North Wales. Eleanora Matthews was the youngest of John and Mary Matthews’ six children. John Matthews had acquired through a previous marriage an estate in Plas Bostock, and through his marriage to Mary Jones the Wrexham Fecan estate.¹¹ He had died in 1703 leaving £60 p.a. to his dear wife and the estates to his eldest son John, specifying that there was to be enough money to provide for an apprenticeship for the younger son Tom.¹² Tom died in 1826 and John died two years later, so there were no male Matthews left to deal with the difficult situation in which the family found themselves when Eleanora returned from Bruges with Roger Palmer. After John Matthews’ death, the family estates were sold for £2,400 and the proceeds divided between the remaining four sisters.

Frances, the eldest and the most dominant of the four sisters, had married a very rich widower, the Reverend Nathanial Roberts, 34 years older than she was. Nathanial Roberts had inherited his wealth from his father who had married two heiresses in succession, Margaret Owen and Susannah Maurice. It seems that the younger Frances wanted more from life than Nathanial and left him, date unknown, to go and live in Dublin, as revealed in a letter from the agent, Edwin Wyett.¹³ Wyett wrote to her in Dublin on 1 April 1825, at Blackhall Place, where she appears to have been staying with an unnamed colonel. He told her that he had been asked by her husband, who was now almost blind, to plead with her to return after a long absence. ‘He says life is but short and at his age and situation renders the prospect of his own but very limited […] his helpless situation and the distress he is in, he needs assistance of every description, so begs you to return in the name of propriety as well as to meet his wishes.’ He added that her husband, who was in the process of making his will, wanted to provide for her and to make her comfortable but for him to do that she must return. With so much at stake Frances had returned to the marital home and whatever her relationship with Nathanial, and despite his anxieties, they lived together for another 16 years. But when he died in 1841 Frances duly had her reward. She inherited Cefn Park, which Nathanial had bought from the Kenyon family, together with his other properties, the house in Portland Place in London and the bulk of his fortune.

Frances’ escapade occurred three years before Eleanora’s unexpected return unleashed the possibility of a second scandal. Frances and Nathanial were living at Cefn in 1828 and it seems likely that the third sister, Mary Matthews, who never married, was living with them when Eleanora and Roger Palmer arrived. The second sister, Sarah, had married a widower, John Gray, and was living nearby at Mold. The family closed ranks: their first priority was to regularise the situation of their youngest sibling. Thrown together by the sudden and unexpected marriage of Roger and Eleanora, two very different families had quickly between them to agree some financial arrangement to provide for the newly married, improvident young couple.

Owing to the recent death of her brother, Eleanora had a small income of her own. Several draft post-nuptial agreements¹⁴ show that Sir William was willing to forgive his son and pay his debts and that he also arranged for a new settlement of the Palmer estates in Co. Mayo and Sligo, as well as Kenure, providing for Roger to inherit on his death. The financially unreliable Roger was to have no part of the estate until then, but an allowance was agreed. The Matthews family for their part were determined that on no account was Roger to be allowed to touch any part of the income payable to Eleanora.¹⁵

Very little is known about the Palmers’ early married life apart from the fact that they had three children: Mary Ellen was born in 1829; another daughter, Alice, was born in 1831; and a year later a son, Roger, was born. Alice was four when she died and was quietly buried in the catacombs at Kensal Green. Ellen mentions her only once in her diaries and that was to say that she was sorry never to have known her. It seems probable that Alice was very disabled, as she never came to live with the other two children and seems to have lived and been cared for in London, away from the family. The brutal truth was that, at this time, an abnormal child did not elicit sympathy and was thought to bring shame on the family, hence the need for secrecy. Prince George, the son of King George and Queen Mary, born more than 60 years later in 1905, was brought up in isolation from his family because he was epileptic. He died in 1919, a footnote to history. The behaviour of the Palmers towards their little daughter was in keeping with the mores of the time.

Everything changed for the Palmers in 1840 when old Sir William Palmer died, and they inherited Kenure and the fortune that went with it. Now the erstwhile plain Miss Eleanora Matthews became the wealthy Lady Palmer. Very little is known about those early years in Ireland apart from Ellen’s description of her home life in her diaries. From this it would appear that it was Lady Palmer who was very much in charge of all business matters. It was she rather than Sir Roger who always dealt with the agents who managed the Irish estates. To cope with her husband’s frailties Lady Palmer always employed a medical man, as much as to keep him occupied and out of mischief as to deal with the medical emergencies. The two men are frequently mentioned as going out fishing. A governess, Miss Ward, was also part of the household and stayed with the family for many years, becoming Ellen’s close friend and confidante.

Before the family inherited Kenure they had spent their time between Frances’ house at Cefn and the house in Portland Place, Her childhood does not seem to have been a particularly happy one. She wrote that she and her younger brother had no playmates and were entirely reliant on each other for company. Ellen gives no reason for the social isolation in which they passed their early childhood, but it could have been because their father’s mental and physical frailties made the family averse to normal social intercourse. As a result, Ellen depended almost entirely on her brother for companionship. When he went away to prep school, and later to Eton where he made friends of his own age, Ellen was thrown back on the company of her mother, Aunt Mary who l...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• List of Illustrations
• Acknowledgements
• Introduction
• 1 A Strange Family
• 2 The Grand Tour
• 3 Preparing for the London Season
• 4 The London Season
• 5 Country Life in Ireland
• 6 A Fatal Attraction
• 7 A Bleak and Cheerless Future
• 8 Heartbreak
• 9 Music Her Only Solace
• 10 Joy and Despair
• 11 A Parting of the Ways
• 12 To Constantinople
• 13 The Crimea, So Near and Yet So Far
• 14 Balaclava
• 15 Love at Last
• Epilogue
• Notes
• Bibliography