Listening to Children

A Practitioner's Guide

Alison McLeod

• Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
• Year: 2008
• Print ISBN: 9781849853866
• eBook ISBN: 9781846427848
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Social Work
• Index: Social Sciences

Listening to children' is one of those feel-good phrases that always features in childcare literature as if it were self-evidently a good thing. Often, however, there is a lack of critical attention to what it really means: How does one listen? How can one evidence that listening has taken place?

Starting with an introduction to the policy and practice of listening to children and young people, both individually and in groups, this practitioner's guide provides a range of practical techniques for effective listening, encompassing observation and communication, seeing things from the child's point of view, explaining difficult concepts, helping young people to talk about their experiences and express their feelings, promoting participation and eliciting their wishes and views. The book is peppered throughout with good practice checklists, good practice examples, reflective exercises and quotations from children, as well as case studies showing real situations where effective communication has been established with a child.

Listening to Children: A Practitioner's Guide is a rich source of insight and guidance for professionals working with children in the fields of social care, health and education, including child welfare protection, pastoral care, educational psychology and counselling, and indeed for anyone working with children.

Part 1: The Voice of the Child

Children have as much need for a revolution as the Proletariat has.

William Morris [1834–1896] (quoted in Berger 1971, p.179)

Chapter 1

Why Listen to Children?

What is ‘listening’?

A fundamental question is to ask why we should listen to children and I will argue that this is a question not just of common sense, or indeed of legal obligation, but ultimately one of human rights. However, before going any further we need to pause and consider what ‘listening’ actually means. This may seem self-evident, but, in fact, the word can mean different things to different people, and unless it is clarified this can lead to misunderstandings. In the ‘Listening but not Hearing’ study (Mcleod 2001; see First Words, p.12) I found that while the social workers thought they were trying hard to listen to looked-after children, the youngsters I interviewed nearly all complained that their social workers didn’t listen to them. Part of the reason for this difference of view was that the adults and the children were using the word differently. ‘It’s just hearing her, being respectful’, said Tammy’s social worker, explaining to me how she had responded when Tammy asked to move and there was nowhere else for her to go. As she and the other social workers saw it, listening to a child meant paying attention to what they said, having an open attitude, respecting and empathizing with their feelings, but not necessarily doing as they asked. For the young people on the other hand, if no action followed, the adults had not really been listening. As Alistair put it: ‘Half the time they aren’t listening. Especially Veronica. She used to look like she was listening, but she never was. She used to just look and nod and do nothing.’

I knew the social worker I have named ‘Veronica’ well, as it happened, and couldn’t help feeling that Alistair had a point. Forever after when I saw her I had to control my smiles as a vision intruded of one of those nodding dogs people keep on the parcel shelves of their cars!

In the literature on listening to children one can find the same distinction between writers who define listening in terms of attitude and those who argue that ‘true’ listening implies action. In the interesting collection of essays on listening to pre-school children, Beyond Listening (Clark, Kjørholt and Moss 2005), for example, one finds the former view: listening is ‘a value in the ethics of an encounter’ ‘[it] is first and foremost about an ethic of openness to and respect for the other’ (Kjørholt, Moss and Clark 2005, pp.176, 178). Claims about children’s rights, the authors argue, should be evaluated critically: choice, independence and responsibility for decision-making should not be assumed to be good for children in every context. Cairns and Brannen (2005, p.78), on the other hand, adopt the latter construction. They present a view of children and young people as: ‘active citizens, who are knowledgeable about their world and able to play a full part in decision-making processes that affect them’. They relate an anecdote of how adults in a powerful position (regional transport policy-makers) paid lip-service to consultation by meeting with young people but then ignoring their views. However, when the same young people armed themselves with in-depth knowledge of the topic at issue they were able to challenge the expertise of the adults effectively, who were then forced to take their views more seriously. ‘This…made the difference between having a say, which happened at the first meeting, and being listened to and achieving change, which happened at the second meeting’ (Cairns and Brannen 2005, p.81). The way these writers use the words ‘listened to’ reflects the view of the young people I interviewed: listening involves more than just paying attention to what young people say; it involves taking it seriously and acting in response.

‘When you’re young they tend not to listen to you because they think they know better all the time.’ (Steven)

The concepts of listening as an attitude or listening that leads to action are each grounded in an underlying value. In the case of listening as an ethic of openness, the primary underlying value is respect. In the case of listening as a means of achieving change, the primary value is empowerment. Much that is written about listening to children concerns effective and respectful communication, and much concerns empowering children through promoting their rights and participation. My interpretation of ‘listening’ encompasses both: true respect for another person, in my view, implies that you will do what you can to empower them. This book will therefore address listening to children both at the micro level – how to promote effective communication in the context of a respectful one-to-one relationship with a child (Parts 3 and 4) – and also at the macro level – how we can empower young people to participate meaningfully in decisions that affect their lives, both at an individual level and as members of society (Part 5).

What is a child?

This second question may seem even more obvious, but if anything, the concept of ‘childhood’ is even more hotly contested than that of ‘listening’. Childhood is a concept that is relative, culture-bound and consequently hard to define. In many countries today people may take on adult responsibilities at a much younger age than is generally the case in Europe. For example, from my own experience of working in Papua New Guinea in the 1970s, children under ten looked after younger siblings, wielded machetes, lit fires and walked miles to school without adult supervision. The age at which children are viewed as responsible for criminal actions, on the other hand, varies enormously across the world, a higher age of criminal responsibility being by no means confined to the West. For example, in Scotland it is 8, in Belgium, 18, in India, 7 and in Egypt, 15. What ‘childhood’ means has changed throughout history too: some writers argue that the concept of a child is a modern one and that in earlier times younger people were not perceived as a separate group from adults: ‘In medieval society the idea of childhood did not exist’ (Aries 1962, p.128). Though this view has not gone unchallenged (Thomas 2002) there is little doubt that children in Britain nowadays have a longer apprenticeship for adulthood than was the case in the past, or is the case in many cultures in the present. It can be argued that this makes growing up harder for today’s teenagers: there is no defining moment at which one becomes an adult in our society since adult responsibilities and privileges in law are gained in an incremental and not always obviously logical way. Why should one be old enough to join the army before one is permitted to vote, for example? (Take a look at the age quiz in Reflective Exercise 1.1. The answers may be found at the end of this chapter.)

So, when does a child in our society stop being a child and become an adult? There is no simple or clear-cut answer, which complicates questions about how, whether and when adults should listen to children. In this book, when I refer to ‘children’, in general I use the term ‘child’, as it is used in the Children Act 1989, meaning any person who is under the age of 18. Where age makes a significant difference to the question under consideration I will specify, otherwise ‘child’ can be taken to mean anyone who is a child in law.

‘The age when you leave care is too high. You’re old enough to get married and have children at 16 but not old enough to leave care.’ (Robert)

Reflective Exercise 1.1

Answer the quiz below (answers at the end of this chapter). Then reflect: at what age do you feel you yourself ‘grew up’? Was this related to attaining the legal age of majority? To leaving home? To a significant personal experience? Or was there no specific moment at which you feel you left your childhood behind you?

At what age, in the United Kingdom (2007), may a person legally:

•marry

•be employed to work for money

•buy cigarettes

•get tattooed

•vote adopt a child

•hold a shotgun certificate

•buy fireworks

•drive a car?

How logical do these different ages appear to you?

If you are not from the United Kingdom you could research the ages in your own country and compare. Are there any major differences?

The rationale for listening Because it works

In a family I once worked with, the mother was busily packing for a family holiday when her small daughter wandered up to her and started chatting:

‘You’ve finished painting in the den’, said the little girl.

‘Mm’, said her mother, absently.

‘It’s going to be Robbie’s bedroom, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, love.’

‘So he won’t be sleeping in my bedroom any more.’

‘No, love.’

‘That’s good. We won’t have to play sausages any more.’

This was the critical moment. The mother could so easily have said ‘No, love’ again, got on with her packing, and the opportunity would have passed. Instead she said:

‘Sausages? What’s that?’, and her daughter replied:

‘Oh, you know, it’s that horrid game Robbie likes. The one where he puts his willy in my fanny. I don’t like it. Can you tell Robbie I don’t want to play it any more?’

The child was too young to have any conception of what it was she was telling her mother, that this was not a game that all big brothers played with their little sisters, that not everyone called it ‘sausages’. Her mother could so easily have failed to ask the right question at the right moment and so would not have found out what it was the child had to tell her; the little girl would have gone away believing that she had told her mother what was going on and that her mother had not thought it was important and had done nothing to stop it happening. Was it chance that the mother asked that critical question, or did her intuition and knowledge of her daughter tell her that something important was troubling her, something important enough to interrupt business as pressing as holiday preparations? Whichever it was, she demonstrated here the essential attributes of effective listening: the ability to keep an open mind, to tune into the other person’s agenda and to be prepared for the unexpected. And how vital that proved for her ability to protect her young daughter from harm.

I tell this anecdote to make a point: that we should listen to children because it makes our work with them more effective. The most compelling reason for professionals to take notice of what children say is perhaps the pragmatic one: we waste our own time if we do not.

A dismal series of child death enquiries from Dennis O’Neill (Monckton 1945) to Victoria Climbié (Laming 2003) testifies to the dire consequences that can follow when professionals fail to hear the child’s voice. On the positive side, a range of evidence also links effective listening with better outcomes for children. For example, Bell’s (2002) study of children who were subject to child protection investigations found that where the social worker supported, listened and explained, the children’s needs were better met and their situations improved. Similarly, Triseliotis et al. (1995), in their study of Scottish teenagers receiving social work services, found that where there was good communication between social worker, young person and parents, better progress was achieved, and where the young person participated in the choice of placement, outcomes were more successful.

Why should this be? Better results may follow on from professionals listening, simply because young people who do not like the decision an adult has made may choose deliberately to undermine it. Excluding children from decisions that affect them can thus be counterproductive. Veeran (2004) provides examples from work with street children in South Africa and South Asia: removing girls from the street where they were working as prostitutes without consulting with them only led to them going straight back. It was essential rather to find out what the child’s view of the problem was and what they themselves saw as the solution. Providing their families with support or protecting the girls in situ might turn out to be more constructive solutions than removing them to a refuge where they did not want to be.

It is axiomatic that adults cannot make a reliable judgement about what is best for a child without exploring the child’s perspective, but there may be additional psycho-social benefits for young people that arise from playing a role in decision-making. It has been argued that even very young children will benefit simply from being consulted: ‘telling who you are – presenting yourself and your views and being heard – is one of the most important issues in identity construction’ (Eide and Winger 2005, p.76). Research shows that children whose parents are divorcing feel less upset and more in control if they are consulted about what is happening (Butler et al. 2002) and that ‘children with positive feelings of self-esteem, mastery and control can more easily manage stressful experiences’ (Munro 2001, p.134). Skills such as communication, debate, negotiation and prioritization can be learnt from engagement in decision-making processes, which can help the child with problem-solving in other areas of their life (Sinclair 2000). It is also claimed that involvement can promote young people’s social inclusion (Spicer and Evans 2006). There is thus broad support in the literature for the value of participation for the young, and though much of this is based on personal opinion and anecdote, there is some supporting evidence from research.

PRACTICE EXAMPLE 1.1 THE ‘STUDENT VOICE’ RESEARCH PROJECT

This consultation exercise sought the views of 1800 students from six secondary schools in a town in Northwest England on the question: ‘If you had the chance to make changes to education in the future, what recommendations would you make and why?’ The research was carried out by a team of 18 young people aged between 14 and 16 years from the schools, supported by seven students aged between 17 and 18 years from local colleges and a sixth form. Research methods included an online questionnaire and structured interviews, and data was collected that was both quantitative and qualitative. Three adult researchers trained the students in research methods and coordinated the project, but the student research team was given as much control as possible. They identified the topics, designed the survey questions, wrote the interview frameworks and decided who to interview; they carried out the analysis of the data they had gathered and they decided on the key messages and recommendations they wanted to communicate.

Among the wealth of data they amassed was the worrying statistic that 114 young people (6.5%) who responded to the survey said they never felt safe in school. The young researchers comment: ‘Because of the urgency of these statistics…we think that this area – how to ensure students feel safe at school, and what feeling safe actually means – needs to be considered immediately by our head teachers and teachers, and could form the basis of further research in the future’ (Carr 2007, p.14).

The report’s full recommendations were:

•A variety of different teaching and learning approaches.

•More opportunities for working with other schools and other organizations.

•Rules, rewards and sanctions need to be consistent and fair.

•There should be more emphasis on positivity.

•Students should feel safe all of the time.

•Students want to feel that they can participate actively and authentically in the decision-making process. (Carr 2007 p.3)

The acid test is what difference the consultation exercise made. There was, of course, signi...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Of Related Interest
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Dedication
• First Words
• Part 1: The Voice of the child
• Part 2: Communicating with Children
• Part 3: Opening Up a Dialogue With a Child
• Part 4: Particular Conversations – Interviews for Specific Purposes
• Part 5: Young People and Participation
• Last Words
• References
• Subject Index
• Author Index