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Part One
Theoretical and practical background
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1
Introduction
Social Skills Games for Children offers ways to support children who are struggling to develop or to demonstrate their social skills and shows how youngsters can build on their existing skills for social interaction through the medium of games.
The underlying philosophy governing the use of games as a basis for learning comes from my experiences as a speech and language therapist and a deep belief that children have an amazing array of abilities which often go untapped in our rush to teach them what we know about life from an adult perspective. Play is a natural childhood activity and a child’s imagination is a valuable inner resource which can be used to foster creative thinking, healthy self-esteem and the ability to interact successfully with others. Games that are facilitated mindfully and with integrity can provide a rich learning experience that goes beyond the teaching of skills as a way of masking or compensating for social ineptness and opens up the possibility of a much deeper learning instead – the type of learning that leads to socially intelligent interactions and promotes feelings of personal fulfilment and self-respect.
Why use non-competitive games?
This book is one of a collection based on the use of games to enhance social and emotional well-being (see Self-Esteem Games for Children and Anger Management Games for Children, also published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers). In line with the other books, Social Skills Games for Children also focuses on non-competitive games where the enjoyment and the challenge come from the process itself rather than from winning. This is not because I have an aversion to competitive games. In fact, I believe that these can form an important part of a child’s learning once she is ready to engage in them and does so by her own choice. The child’s world is after all a competitive arena and most children will naturally play games of skill that involve winning or losing or being ‘in’ or ‘out’ whether we adults encourage them or not. However, the ability to cope successfully in competition with peers is a tricky hurdle to negotiate and one which will complicate the process of focusing on the building of other social skills. Younger children and those who are particularly vulnerable to low self-esteem often find win or lose games extremely difficult to manage. For such children, the anticipation of the ‘rewards’ of winning might be so great that the disappointment of losing has an equally dramatic effect on their mood. In order to enjoy and benefit from competitive games they will therefore need to first develop a certain degree of emotional resilience, competence and self-efficacy, all of which can be fostered initially through non-competitive activities.
Who will benefit from social skills games?
The games are suitable for all children from 5 to 12 years of age. In the school setting they will fit into a wide selection of personal, social and health education (PSHE) and other learning objectives. They can be used to teach and enhance a variety of skills at primary level and to reinforce strategies for social interaction during the vulnerable period of transition to secondary education. The material can be incorporated into individual behaviour plans (IBPs) and can be used to target specific aspects of individual education plans (IEPs). The concepts fit with the ethos of The Children’s Plan (DCSF 2007), an important element of the Government’s Every Child Matters programme which sets out goals that include the participation of all children and young people in ‘positive activities to develop personal and social skills’ and which will include a specific play strategy to be published in 2008.
The games in this book can also be used to complement other approaches to social and emotional development currently promoted within the primary education system such as the SEAL programme (Social and emotional aspects of learning, DfES 2005).1
Children attending after school clubs, youth groups and play schemes will enjoy and benefit from engaging in the activities and crucially, all the games can be played at home by families. The central role played by parents and carers (and often by the wider family network) in supporting a child’s social and emotional development is of course tremendously important. The special time shared during a fun game can be a boost to helping family members to understand each other, show their love, and strengthen their relationship. Sharing moments of laughter, problem-solving and creativity during games can be rewarding and re-affirming for everyone concerned.
The material will also complement intervention methods used in a diverse range of therapy approaches with individual children or groups, including existing social skills programmes.
Strategies are outlined for helping children to transfer skills to a variety of different situations and to maintain their progress, particularly at times of stress, and facilitators are invited to reflect on their own interactions with children and to consider how this reflection can support the process of change.
How the games are structured
The games and activities are divided into nine sections, including warm-ups and wind-downs. This division is designed to aid the process of evaluating and adapting games to suit specific needs. In practice, many of the games could be placed in more than one section and you will find that you are often touching on several aspects of social skills within just one game.
Each game has been marked with a set of symbols to aid in the selection of the most appropriate ones for different groups of children:
This gives an indication of the suggested youngest age for playing the game. There is no upper age limit given.
10 minsAn approximate time is suggested for the length of the game (excluding the discussion time). This will obviously vary according to the size of the group and the ability of the players.
Indicates that the game is suitable for larger groups (eight or more).
The game is suitable for small groups.
The game involves a lot of speaking unless it is adapted.
A moderate amount of speaking is required by players.
The game is primarily a non-verbal game or one requiring minimal speech.
empathyThis gives an indication of a foundation ability or specific skill used or developed by playing this game.
Foundation abilities and specific skills
There is an inherent difficulty involved in compiling a definitive list of social skills since each of our social interactions is of course unique and dependent on such aspects as who is involved (taking account of culture, gender, age and developmental factors); what has brought them together; the goal of the interaction; the environment; and the mood and previous experiences of each participant.
However, there are certain recognizable core abilities which underpin the socially intelligent selection and use of appropriate behaviours. Each of these abilities is specifically addressed by different sets of games in Part Two. They are:
•Self-awareness – a child’s ability to be aware of her feelings, thoughts and behaviour and also of her own needs in social interactions (Chapter 9: Staying on track).
•Self-control – her belief that she has some control over her feelings and thoughts and the ways in which she expresses them; an ability to manage impulsivity and to show emotions appropriately (Chapter 9: Staying on track).
•Effective listening – her ability to really hear what others are saying and to reflect on what she hears. This involves attention control and is an important pre-requisite for being able to negotiate and cooperate (Chapter 10: Tuning in).
•Effective observation – her ability to observe and reflect on non-verbal aspects of interactions such as changes in facial expression and body posture (Chapter 10: Tuning in).
•The ability to understand and use verbal and/or non-verbal forms of communication with others (Chapter 11: More than just talking).
•A knowledge and understanding of a range of different emotions and how to cope with other people’s emotions. For example, noticing when someone is upset and offering to help (Chapter 12: You and me).
•Imagination – an important element of empathy: her ability to see things from another person’s point of view and to be aware of other people’s needs (Chapter 12: You and me).
•Tolerance and respect of differences and knowing how to convey this (Chapter 13: You and me together).
•The ability to understand the ‘mutuality’ involved in cooperation and negotiation (Chapter 13: You and me together).
•The ability to apply appropriate problem-solving strategies (Chapter 14: Got it!).
Within this framework for social competence there are certain behaviours which demonstrate the abilities. For example, in relation to being able to cooperate and negotiate successfully in a verbal exchange any or all of the following communication skills may be utilized:
•initiating and ending an interaction
•a...
