Gorilla Beach

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

• Publisher: Gallery Books
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9781451657098
• eBook ISBN: 9781451657104
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: Television

When you're this smokin', winning is a shore thing.... Jersey's sexiest guidettes are back for another scandalous summer at the Shore, and this time, Giovanna "Gia" Spumanti and Isabella "Bella" Rizzoli are raising the stakes to find thrills and hot gorillas—unemployment, douchebag exes, family drama, and dingy apartment be damned! But when the girls unknowingly cross an overprotective mafiosa mama, all bets are off. Booted from Seaside Heights for good, the spunky, sequined meatball and her sensitive, quiet cousin are forced to flee to Atlantic City. Their escort out of hell is Fredo, a weird and scrawny but hooked-up club manager from a prominent family, whose master plan is to pimp out Gia's psychic gifts at the roulette tables. Suddenly, it's raining benjamins for the coiffed and tanned threesome. Top-shelf tequila and seafood dinners are not all they're scoring. Bella snags a pale but talented boardwalk artist, Gia hooks up with a high-stakes poker hottie, and with Gia's coaching, Fredo just might have a chance at becoming a certified juicehead. Or, at least, a gorilla-in-training. But when the casino suspects cheating, the trio is hounded by haters and tricksters determined to sabotage their endless summer. With hearts and loot on the line, losing is not a chance the crew can take. This time, the house isn't going to win....

Table of contents

• Cover
• Praise
• Description
• About Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Dedication
• Acknowledgments
• Chapter One: Like a Slutty Virgin
• Chapter Two: That Sicko Freak Happens to Be My Son
• Chapter Three: Home Sweat Home
• Chapter Four: Follow the Bouncing Meatball
• Chapter Five: Girls Just Wanna Have Rum
• Chapter Six: May I Cut the Cheese for You?
• Chapter Seven: Guidar on the Fritz
• Chapter Eight: No Badge, No Beach
• Chapter Nine: B-I-M-B-O, and Bimbo Was Her Name-O
• Chapter Ten: A Six-Piece Set of Emotional Douche Baggage
• Chapter Eleven: The Short Good-Bye
• Chapter Twelve: Too Pretty for Sin City
• Chapter Thirteen: Gorilla Ground Zero
• Chapter Fourteen: Always Bet on Tan
• Chapter Fifteen: The Right Way to Hug a Guido
• Chapter Sixteen: Is That a Sharpie in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?
• Chapter Seventeen: Happy Daze
• Chapter Eighteen: On Your Mark
• Chapter Nineteen: WWGD
• Chapter Twenty: Living in the Pits
• Chapter Twenty-One: Dance, Dance Evolution
• Chapter Twenty-Two: Won and Done
• Chapter Twenty-Three: The Brazillionaires
• Chapter Twenty-Four: Red Alert
• Chapter Twenty-Five: Batshit Being the Technical Term
• Chapter Twenty-Six: I See Tequila in Your Future
• Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Good Hard Whiff of Gorilla
• Chapter Twenty-Eight: Hell Isn’t This Hot
• Chapter Twenty-Nine: Venus on the Oyster Shell
• Chapter Thirty: Wound Up Like Spaghetti on a Friggin’ Fork
• Chapter Thirty-One: How to Grow a Pair in One Fell Sploosh
• Chapter Thirty-Two: Lucky in Lurve
• Chapter Thirty-Three: Scumbags Are My Weakness
• Chapter Thirty-Four: Snatch
• Chapter Thirty-Five: No Crocadillies Were Harmed During the Writing of This Book
• Chapter Thirty-Six: The Atlantic City Dump
• Chapter Thirty-Seven: Just Got Out of Open-Heart Surgery
• Chapter Thirty-Eight: America’s Most Wanted Dickhead
• Chapter Thirty-Nine: Going Down
• Chapter Forty: The Ballad of Pretzel and Kookah
• Chapter Forty-One: Up Shit Creek Without a Plunger
• Chapter Forty-Two: Hindsight’s a Bitch, Bitch
• Chapter Forty-Three: Depunk’d
• Chapter Forty-Four: Hands Full of Sudsy Wiener
• Chapter Forty-Five: Venus Gets Whacked
• Chapter Forty-Six: Doing It with the Lights On
• Chapter Forty-Seven: The Setup
• Chapter Forty-Eight: Sex on the Beach
• Chapter Forty-Nine: Fuggedaboutit
• Chapter Fifty: When Anchovies Attack
• Chapter Fifty-One: Daddy Knows Best
• Chapter Fifty-Two: The Smackdown
• Chapter Fifty-Three: Heard the One About the Girl Who Came to Seaside in a Honda?
• Chapter Fifty-Four: Run ’Til We Drop