Before I Had the Words

On Being a Transgender Young Adult

Skylar Kergil

• Publisher: Skyhorse
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN:
  9781510723061
• eBook ISBN:
  9781510723085
• Topic: Ciencias sociales
• Subtopic: Biografías de ciencias sociales

At the beginning of his physical transition from female to male, then-seventeen-year-old Skylar Kergil posted his first video on YouTube. In the months and years that followed, he recorded weekly update videos about the physical and emotional changes he experienced. Skylar's openness and positivity attracted thousands of viewers, who followed along as his voice deepened and his body changed shape. Through surgeries and recovery, highs and lows, from high school to college to the real world, Skylar welcomed others on his journey. Before I Had the Words is the story of what came before the videos and what happened behind the scenes. From early childhood memories to the changes and confusion brought by adolescence, Skylar reflects on coming of age while struggling to understand his gender. As humorous as it is heartbreaking and as informative as it is entertaining, this memoir provides an intimate look at the experience of transitioning from one gender to another. Skylar opens up about the long path to gaining his family's acceptance and to accepting himself, sharing stories along the way about smaller challenges like choosing a new name and learning to shave without eyebrow mishaps. Revealing entries from the author's personal journals as well as interviews with members of his family lend remarkable depth to Skylar's story. A groundbreaking chronicle of change, loss, discovery, pain, and relief, Before I Had the Words brings new meaning to the phrase "formative years."

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Acknowledgments
• Disclaimer
• Speaking
• “You Can Call Me Mike!”
• Not Twins, but Close
• Cross Country Doesn’t Feel Super Far (When You’re Six)
• Cool Bike, Yo
• Talent Shows in 1999
• Tomboy
• A/S/L?
• Cancer
• Blending In
• JT
• Peter Pan
• Sneaking to Youth Pride in Boston
• You Can’t Always Get What You Want
• Ice Cracks, Hearts Break
• Unitarian Universalism
• The Word: Transgender
• Thinking, Thinking, Crying, Thinking, Hoping
• Dissection and the Construct of Gender
• Questioning While Certain
• What Is a Name?
• Coming Out
• Transitioning Seems Expensive
• Sixteen
• A Circle, a Bird
• Listen Up?
• Gender Therapy
• Gym Class
• Parental Involvement
• On Birds and Bodies
• Full Speed Ahead
• 2008
• Have You Hugged Your Kid Today?
• Bathroom Bouncer
• Getting Accepted into College: A Casual Miracle
• “I’m an Obama Baby!”
• Day One—January 21st
• YouTube and Community
• As Our Lives Change, Come Whatever
• Stealth
• Skylar Tucker Kergil: Legalized
• Top Surgery
• Coming Out Is a Lifelong Process
• Scars
• Sophomore Slump
• Some Days It Feels Like
• Kissing Is Just Like Falling Right on Someone’s Face
• Period
• A Primary Care Physician, an Ultrasound Technician, and a Surgical Assistant
• Bellybutton
• Will I Die?
• Daughters
• Day of Silence
• Why I Out Myself
• Then Love Lets You Let Go
• Re-Humanizing the Transmasculine Community
• Inspiring Toward Wholeness
• Moms
• When People Aren’t Kind
• That Time I Almost Fist-Bumped Joe Biden
• Tell Me a Story
• Camping
• “For a Moment, I Didn’t Feel the Pain”
• Conversation with Mom
• Conversation with Dad
• Conversation with JT
• Resources & Inspiration