Learning

What Parents, Students, and Teachers Should Know

Queena N. Lee-Chua

• Publisher: Anvil Publishing, Inc.
• eBook ISBN: 9789712729317
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education General

Parents are unsure about many things. How can they help their kids with homeworks? How can they discipline their children, yet treat them with love and respect? How can they strike a balance between family and career? How can they ensure that their kids love learning?

LEARNING

WHAT PARENTS, STUDENTS,
AND TEACHERS SHOULD KNOW

Queena N. Lee-Chua, Ph.D.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Preface
Chapter One: Dear Parent
	Parenting 101
	Dare to Be a Parent
	Toxic Parents
	Rethinking Praise
	Winning the Homework Battle
	Singapore Math
	Make Tutoring Work for You
	Visit Bahay Tsinoy
	Speech Classes
	Raising Young Scientists
	Xavier Math Teachers Speak
	Science and Religion on Parenting
	Fight Global Warming
	Spoiling Our Kids
	Generation Me
	Children of the Streets
	Take Charge of Your Money
	Money Matters for Kids
	Secrets of Successful Families and Businesses
	Adventures in Kiwi Land
Chapter Two: Dear Student
	Lessons My Mother Taught Me
	Start the School Year Right
	Athlete and Scholar
	What to Take in College
	I Did Not Make It to My Dream School
	Surviving College
	Study Smart
	Getting Into the Ivy League
	Why the Chinese Do Well in Math
	Practice Makes Perfect
	Learning on the Web
	To Students From Students
	Lessons From Michael Jackson
	What College Graduates Should Know
	What Pinoys Read
	International Math Champ
	Memories of Cory
	Soldier Nurse
Chapter Three: Dear Teacher
	Love Your Students
	Ace Teachers
	Dear Ma’am, Sir
	The Lighter Side of Math
	Dragons, Spells, and Books
	Memory Aids
	The Funniest Joke in the World
	Good News in Science
	Every Teacher’s Dream
	Fun Math
	Fun Science
	Chemistry for All
	Outstanding Young Scientists
	Priest, Physicist, and Mentor
	Preparing for a Crisis
	Growing Old Gracefully

PREFACE

Education does not occur in a vacuum. Students may be the main characters, but parents and teachers are indispensable supporting players in and out of the classroom. But in the fast-paced world of today, educational fads seem to appear as quickly as they vanish, each one supposedly a solution to the age-old question: How can we learn as best as we can?

There is little good news on the education front. International surveys in math and science place our students near in the bottom in the world. Local statistics show that student dropout rates are increasing in most grade levels, even as the need for well-rounded, skilled, and moral citizens becomes ever more urgent.

Under the stewardship of editor Chelo Banal-Formoso, the Learning Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer came into being to address this issue. I have been fortunate to be with Chelo and the invaluable Linda Bolido since the inception of Learning in 2008. In the column “Eureka,” I talk to parents, students, and teachers, using timeless and up-to-date research and often, real-life stories, to meet their concerns.

Parents are unsure about many things. How can they help their kids with homework? How can they discipline their children, yet treat them with love and respect? How can they strike a balance between family and career? How can they ensure that their kids love learning?

Students are anxious about many things. How can they start the school year right? How can they study not just hard, but also smart? How can they be both athletes and scholars? What happens if they do not get into their dream school? How can they survive college? Do they need tutors?

Teachers are worried about many things. How can they teach subjects they are not trained for? What references can guide them; what books can inspire? How can they make math and science come alive? What philosophy can sustain them in their mission?

My favorite columns are now compiled into the book called—what else—Learning. I would like to thank Chelo and Linda, together with Sandy Prieto, Gani Yambot, and Letty Magsanoc, who have given our education section a home.

To my friends Maribel Sison-Dionisio and Nesy Fernandez, thank you for putting together the Ateneo Best Practices teams. To my mentor Honey Carandang, thank you for guiding me in the role of parent.

My gratitude once more goes to Karina Bolasco, Gwenn Galvez, and Ani Habúlan of Anvil Publishing, who have always ensured that my books touch as many lives as possible. To my brother-in-law John Buquicchio, who went through the entire manuscript very thoroughly, my thanks.

To my family, especially my husband Smith and our son Scott, thank you for listening to my (and sometimes my students’) problems, and for encouraging me daily to be the best person I can be.

CHAPTER ONE

DEAR PARENT

PARENTING 101

If there were a course on Parenting 101,

what are the principles each parent should know?

All of us need to pass written and skill tests to get our diploma, professional certification, or even driver’s license. Yet many of us waltz into parenting, arguably the most important and one of the most challenging tasks in the world, with few ideas and certainly no training. I used to think that parenthood is a natural thing, shaped by evolution to be something as instinctive as breathing.

But in my psychology classes, many students ask with some measure of fear, “How do we prepare to be parents? What exactly does it take?” I reassure them that since they are reflecting about the process early on, they will probably make great parents—after all, concern is the main criterion—but not many are convinced.

Of course, parenthood is something none of us can be completely prepared for, but I am fortunate enough to have psychology research, wise professors, and good parents as guides. Right now, our son Scott is a happy twelve-year-old, who achieves in school, and more importantly, has a loving, kind, and generous disposition. My husband and I feel blessed—there may be some measure of luck—but my friend, marriage and family counselor Maribel Sison-Dionisio, will probably disagree. She will argue that Scott is the way he is because of the way he is brought up, and there is more than a grain of truth in that.

What You Should Know

1. Material gifts will never replace physical presence. I know that many of us are working parents, and I am a career person myself. However, if we are often absent from the home, no amount of toys or games will be sufficient replacement. Contrary to what popular media dictates, working mothers cannot have it al—we cannot be 100% focused on work and at the same time 100% concentrated on the kids. Most of us will be happy with 50-50. I wish parents would make more effort to be home with their kids. For a start, have dinner together as a family every night.

2. There is no such thing as quality time without quantity time. How can we bond with our kids if we spend only 15 minutes with them a day? Even if we are at our most loving and affectionate best, this is not enough. When I give parenting talks, I am often asked about the “minimum time required” to spend with children. This is sad. Why think about the minimum, if interacting with family is supposed to be one of the joys of life? But if you must know, an hour a day with each child is ideal. After all, we spend an average of ten hours at the office, and barring sleep, only half the time at home, where we even sneak in work. We spend more time with colleagues than with our kids, and then we complain that we cannot communicate with our kids, or that we barely know them. Remember, no one at his or her deathbed wishes he or she had spent more time at work.

3. Unconditional self-worth is the best gift for any child. Children acquire messages from adults subliminally or unconsciously. Parents sometimes say one thing and then act in another way. Child psychologist Honey Carandang narrates the story of one parent who has an anxious daughter. The mother insists, “I never pressure her. I never tell her to get perfect in the exam. But I don’t know why she is so worried and fearful.” Carandang asks her, “What do you talk about at dinner?” The mother answers, “How is the test today? How was school?” No wonder the daughter is stressed out. Even if her mother loves her, she believes that she is worthy only if she does well in school. I am not advocating that parents tell their children that it is okay to flunk (failure should never be an option), but children need to know and believe that they are loved for themselves, no matter what.

Carandang and I feel that in today’s changing world, many families are at a loss to deal with issues like violence, attention disorders, absentee parents, abuse, and so on. We have therefore come up with a book entitled The Filipino Family Surviving the World for parents, caretakers, educators, counselors, and anyone who is concerned about children today. The book also contains guidelines on healing after trauma, achieving in school, analysis of media, formation of values, living with autism, the need for play. All of us parents need the best advice and tools to raise our children to be the best people they can be.

DARE TO BE A PARENT

I find it hard to discipline my son. Is it okay to give him penalties,

such as grounding or less computer time, if he fails a subject?

Am I pressuring him too much?

Of course, though you need to talk with your son first. Set expectations and goals together, and help him to achieve them. But remember, you are a parent, and because you love him, you want him to do well.

Many parents cringe from discipline. They seem reluctant to have high expectations of their kids, or to hold them accountable for their performance. They do not want to “hurt” or “pressure” their children.

A harried mother accosted me after I gave a talk at a private school. “My son is at his computer till two in the morning,” she said. “He says he has to do a lot of research.” Her son is in first year high school, and has low grades.

“I do a lot of research,” I replied, “but I do not stay at the computer for more than a couple of hours every day. Your son is more likely playing games instead of doing his homework.”

She sighed. “I think so, too. My husband and I actually told him we would ban the computer, but he got mad at us. So we lifted the ban. What do we do now?”

I stifled a sigh of my own. “You need to set limits,” I said. “An outright ban is difficult, because he needs to use the computer for tasks like word processing. But make sure he does not use the computer for more than two hours a day.”

“But he will get very angry!” she said. “He will tell us that he hates us!”

I looked her in the eye. “Our children often say things they do not really mean. Your son will at first hate the fact that you are curtailing his leisure, but when his grades increase, he will be thankful, and so will you. Learn to say no—gently but firmly. Set limits because you care for him. He is your son, after all.”

Permissive Parenting

In the book Think, award-winning writer Michael LeGault discusses the lost art of sharp and critical thinking in American life. Permissive parenting is one trend, so are pervasive commercialism, anti-intellectualism, and promoting image without substance. Without clear thinking and the willingness t...

Table of contents

• LEARNING